I have been reading Dr. Harley's article on Alcohol addiction and it's effect on the ones the love. <BR> I found that if I removed the topic and replaced it with "In Love" addiction. That the symptoms and the effect on family were the same.<BR> Of course I've read the topics on infidelity and he aludes to the addiction of being in love in the article or seems to.<BR> My real question is. How does our family intervien, in an addiction that is not recognised or accepted as an addiction by our wife and mother. Who is pushing us away. In order to live her own life.<BR> She says here greatest fear is being alone in 10 years. I see her as going directly in that direction, if ythis addiction is not treated. With an endless string of "in love" relationships.<BR> Yes, I admit to being addicted to being "In Love" with my wife, where it is acceptable, and No I don't want to continue to go thru the withdrawal symptoms.<BR> I find it very confusing that I am not suppose to do anything to up set her while she is in the withdrawal stage of our relationship, but how do I get her back to conflict with out bring up touchy subjects?

Welcome <B>JandB</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>I think your idea of the "addiction" issue is just a bit off. The "addiction" (as per Harley) is more of the addiction a wayward spouse has for the OP... <B>not</B> a betrayed's <B>love</B> addiction for the wayward spouse... although alot of betrayed's do have the kind of addiction you speak of!<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! I think... from the readings you've had at this site already... you see a need for <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>. You struggle with the idea that there is little you can do... and I'm sorry to say... there are no "<B><I>affair</I></B> clinics" out there... (like drug/alcohol addiction clinics)... and even if there were... you can't <B>force</B> your spouse to "heal"!<P>You need to research a little more... with us!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<BR>Some have suffered for a shorter period of time... some longer (even longer than you)!<P>But just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>Your probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Your situation isn't unique!<P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <BR>The people here are the most supportive I've found anywhere... That support "when you can't do anything to change your spouse"... is immeasurable... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 29, 1999).]

JandB,<P>I just wanted to ask where you came across the article on alcohol addiction?<P>Sorry I don't have anything else to offer except welcome... you'll get a lot of good support from the folks here.<P>Thanks

YY<BR> The article on alcohol addiction is under quick clicks. Negotiation- addiction.