Good morning.<P>Yes, it is a good morning. I spent most of yesterday in prayer and supplication about how to deal with the latest information about my h and the OW. (His last attempt to get back with her was in Feb or Mar 2000, NOT the summer of 1999.)<P>God has given me a plan of action that I can live with and that will put an end to my feelings of helplessness.<P>I'd like your opinions, since I will continue to Plan A as I do this, including following Scared and Lonely's idea of admiring and verbalizing. (My h's two top needs are sex and admiration, in that order, according to him).<P>My Plan to End the Frustration:<P>1. Journal the good and the bad, including how I am feeling about my life and my husband, and what scriptures I am praying at the time.<P>2. Set down target dates for certain steps of progress I would like to see. <P>As a result of his letter to the elders, he has been "strongly encouraged" to attend a men's lunch group. About 6 businessmen from our church meet once a week to discuss their family life, business challenges and personal walk with God. Keep in mind that he wrote to the elders ON HIS OWN. This was not something I asked him to do, although his brother did suggest that it would help him to get the affair off his chest.<P>3. I will continue to press on in my schooling. I am taking 2 of the last 3 classes I need to transfer to the university. I will not allow the emotional upsets to shake me from this goal. I want to get a Psych degree (and get paid for what I do for free all the time - counseling young women).<P>4. This is the toughest and scariest. I will set aside $150, so that if any more 'friendly' contact occurs between my h. and OW, I can meet with the Christian lawyer I have picked and set up an acceptable separation plan. This doesn't mean that I will give up on my h., but if contact continues, I will INSIST that he see a psychologist about people addiction. It is NOT normal to be calling someone 11 times in ten minutes when you know they are not there, just to hear their recorded voice!<P>I have a statistics exam today. Gotta go.<P>Thanks, scared, for reminding me to think of the good in my h. He is a great father (now that the A is over), excellent lover (I try not to think about where he learned things), good provider, handsome, and generally wise and thoughtful.<P><p>[This message has been edited by alias (edited October 21, 2000).]

Alias<P>My prayers are with you. God will continue to work in your life and your marriage if you bring everything to Him. I pray your husband will listen to his heart, get on his knees and ask God to show him how to handle all of this. Give everything to the Lord, and He will comfort you, and work for the good....Do His will.<P>I am not so lucky. My H had an affair in Germany, ow found out he was married and did not want anything to do with him. We are now separated, and he says he wants to contact her to see if it was fantasy or real. He met her on the internet. My husband is a christian, and was so close to the Lord..satan got ahold of his heart..My heart is breaking, but my faith has grown measurably. You are in my prayers, I know God will lift you both up and give you peace.<P>vincent<BR>

vincent,<P>thank you for posting. I know it is hard when the affair is ended because the OP breaks it off. That is how it was with us, with the notable exception that my h. KNEW that she had been involved with the boss before, and he and the boss agreed to both try to win her and see who got the 'prize'. <P>She is a married 40 year old who looks closer to 50 than I do at 42. Go figure. H. says she is only better than me at one thing, oral -- but that was enough since she provided it IN the office. icck.<P>I will pray that the fog lifts for them both -- in fact, for all the deluded husbands represented here. So many of them were Christian leaders before they fell. Who says Satan isn't alive and well?<P>p.s. I did ok on my test.<P>have a nice day -- my kids are at a friend's, so I am going to work in my garden in PEACE!<P>lizpearl

I am so glad That I have encouraged you. Just remember it is a long, hard road. My H's attitude accutually got worse when I started to praise him and tell him the good things I saw,(it was the guilt) at first I had a hard time with the awful attitude but than God showed me that the attitude is due to God's work in his heart and you really have to work hard staying angry at somebody who doesn't react. I tell my H daily I love him and he is special to me because...(what ever reason I see for that day). but when he forgets to be grumpy, He's actually pretty nice to be with lately. <P>I am reading "LOVE LIFE for every married couple" it is an excellent book so far. I would recomend this to you to read. it instructs you on how to fall in love, stay in love and REKINDLE your love.<P>Remember though it may be eisier to seperate, it is not always the best, once you separate he no longer has to deal with you, which makes it easier to ignore the guilt on his part.<P>God bless and good luck.<P>I will be praying for you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Irene

Thanks again for more good advice!<P>liz