hello, haven't posted in a while but I check the posts almost daily.<P>Things around here are still much the same, H is still sleeping on couch. I quit covering him up and bringing him pillows. I am trying to follow plan A, but I felt doing those things I was just enabling him. <P>This last Sunday I lost it. I am so tired of his indiference that I just snapped! God protected me and managed to keep my mouth shut, when ever I tried to say something it just wouldn't come out. Finally I left for about 3 hours and took a ferry ride and prayed. when I got home my head was screwed on straight again. Then I had to apologize for my really, really bad attitude I'd had earlier. While I was talking with God he reminded me that I love my H throuhg Him, and that I was to be loving him unconditionally, otherwise known as agape love. and agape love does not expect any return. and it loves even when it doesn't really want to. God showed me I wasn't loving his with out expecting it back, hence why I blew up. I thank God that even in my time of weekness he protected me by keeping me safe from myself and the damage I could have done.<P>The bible is very specific about marriage and what a wife should be. I pray to God that I can measure up.<P>The following may sound familar they are from POPW (Chapter 1, his wife)<BR>I know I can never be reminded enough of the following verses.<P>Lord, show me when to speak and when to just keep quiet and pray. Amen<P><BR>"There is...a time for every purpose uner heaven... a time to keep silence and a time to speak"<BR>Ecclesiastes 3:1,7<P><BR>A fool vents his feelings, but a wise man holds them back <BR>Proverbs 29:11<P>Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God For God in Heaven and you on earth; therefore let your words be few<BR>Ecclesiastes 5:22<P><BR>For the kingdom of God is not in word, but in power<BR>1 Corinthians 4:20<P><P>------------------<BR>Irene

scared and lonely, <BR>couldn't agree with you more. God has really shut my mouth. I can't say anything new at this point to change his mind, I just have to shut up and wait for God. So I am seeking Him only daily. I try to talk about other stuff, when I see him. It is hard because so many days I just want to shake him, but only God can do this. So I too shut up and pray. Prayer is the best remedy and praising the Lord.<P>The other piece that I discovered a month or so is that what we speak, the enemy can use against us. That is what finally helped me to just say nothing. The last thing I want is to give the devil fodder to use against my marriage and me. <P><BR>Father,<P>Thank You for being such a great God that knows just exactly how to work with our husbands. Lord, some times You just have to put Your hands over our mouths for us to realize that there is nothing we can say to change it. But we can seek You with all our hearts and pray for our husbands. Lord help both scared and lonely and myself and all the others remember to let You have it. Let us trust in Your wisdom and working and Your time schedule. In Jesus name. Amen

Thanks you two. I've been trying to figure out how to set boundaries with my H and be loving at the same time. I have so much bitterness and resentment accumulated over time that I couldn't think of a loving way to set boundaries without letting loose a floodgate of venom in the process. I've been keeping quiet a LOT. I see changes I need to make in myself. That's more than enough to occupy myself right there.

SL, great scripture references. I, too, have to keep asking God to choose my words for me, tell me when to speak and when not to. Sometimes I lose it and say things I shouldn't have. Actually its not so much the words I say but the way I say it. I need to find a different way to express it when I feel hurt by his behavior. <P>hw - what you said<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The other piece that I discovered a month or so is that what we speak, the enemy can use against us. That is what finally helped me to just say nothing. The last thing I want is to give the devil fodder to use against my marriage and me. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>was a confirmation for me. I also have felt that I should not express anxieties or concerns out loud as it gives Satan more to attack with. So, I am keeping my feelings to myself and sharing them silently only with the Lord these days.<BR>

aw,<BR>Yup keeping it to ourselves and praying. It is hard sometimes but I don't want to give the enemy any more of a foothold in my life or into my h's life.<BR>I actually got it through the standers' mail. When I read it, it was the affirmation of what God had been telling me. It is amazing sometimes it felt like God was physically taking hold of my mouth and closing it against all speech at first. It is easier now just to be quiet, but something I have to pray about daily and remind myself about.<P>

Our pastor has a favorite saying, we hear it about once a month, <P>"IT IS BOTH GOOD AND RIGHT TO HAVE AN UNSPOKEN THOUGHT"!<P>HE JUST PREACHED ON ALL THOSE VERSES ON THE TONGUE.<P>I told him one Sunday after church that there is a chunk bitten out of the tip of my tongue, but I AM learning!<P>love to all my sisters,<BR>lizpearl

Well,<BR>I guess I blew this Sat night. I did not keep my mouth shut, but asked questions and talked. Did not go well. In the end he said some unkind things. I know that God is still at work, but I have to admit I was a bit discouraged. However, at this point I have given it to God. If God chooses to restore this marriage, then He will, if for whatever reason He does not, then there is nothing I can do. I also believe that if He chooses to restore it, then there isn't much I can do to ruin that chance, though it might be delayed.<BR>I am ever more convinced that when we get into discussions that we know we shouldn't then those words spoken satan can use, and he sure did saturday. I won't say much about it, but my h has a totally negative view of me. I do not understand this at all, but to say that the enemy has him totally blinded.<P>But I am back standing on God's promises. He is Lord, and He can do anything, but in His time.<P>I am back to praising the Lord and keeping my eyes on Him. I am so sorry I grieved Him and opened my mouth. I praise the Lord that He forgives me, and I ask protection to keep my mouth shut.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> PS 119:5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast<BR> in obeying your decrees!<P> PS 119:6 Then I would not be put to shame<BR> when I consider all your commands.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am so grateful that David can relate to the mistakes that we all make, though we strive to be obedient to the Spirit.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> PS 119:10 I seek you with all my heart;<BR> do not let me stray from your commands.<P>PS 119:28 My soul is weary with sorrow;<BR> strengthen me according to your word.<P> PS 119:29 Keep me from deceitful ways;<BR> be gracious to me through your law.<P> PS 119:30 I have chosen the way of truth;<BR> I have set my heart on your laws.<P> PS 119:31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD;<BR> do not let me be put to shame.<P> PS 119:32 I run in the path of your commands,<BR> for you have set my heart free.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Guess the evil one was working ovetime this weekend. Our day of crazies was on the Lord's day. As long as I was praying, I could respond as I believed the Spirit would have me do, but the minute I took my eyes off the Lord, my mouth fell into the gutter. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>PS 119:33 Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees;<BR> then I will keep them to the end.<P> PS 119:34 Give me understanding, and I will keep your law<BR> and obey it with all my heart.<P> PS 119:35 Direct me in the path of your commands,<BR> for there I find delight.<P> PS 119:36 Turn my heart toward your statutes<BR> and not toward selfish gain.<P> PS 119:37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things;<BR> preserve my life according to your word.*<P> PS 119:38 Fulfill your promise to your servant,<BR> so that you may be feared.<BR>PS 119:39 Take away the disgrace I dread,<BR> for your laws are good.<P> PS 119:40 How I long for your precepts!<BR> Preserve my life in your righteousness.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Keep focusing on the long arm of God HW. I am praying for wisdom for you.

Sue,<P>Thanks for giving me those scriptures and for your prayers. I have struggled back from this one. Whether to give up on h or just give up on me and again let God work. I know I choose the latter, but it is hard to recover from their hateful words. I haven't had to deal with that in a long while. But I know unfortunately you do, Sue. Thanks for praying for me in the midst of your own struggles.<P>Lord, I pray for us all, that Your word is more powerful in our lives than the hurtful words of humans. In Jesus name, Amen.

Hello:<P>I know this is a Woman's Bible Study Thread and I'm not sure whether, as a man I am allowed to post.<P>Anyway, I believe the Lord led me to this thread today because it is just what I needed today. I am afraid I have said too much concerning my situation (won't go into at this point).<P>Anyway, I was toying with the idea of calling my fiance and really letting her have it because I feel she has emotionally abused me and I've been deeply hurt over her actions and choices lately.<P>Anyway, as I read this...it was quickened to me that oh boy...I need to shut up. I've heard it said in any war, someone has to first lay down their weapon if there is going to be any peace.<P>May I share some things with you concerning this? Sometime back, the Lord impressed me to study the book of Proverbs and look up every verse that had to do with Anger, Strife and losing your 'cool'.<P>Our flesh craves comfort, reassurance, security and the need to know. God is slowly breaking me of emotional, explosive reactions when I want to react, vent or take matters into my own hands (or control anything).<P>I am having to learn very painfully, to say 'nothing' and 'do nothing'. This is one of the most painful lessons I have ever learned, for it totally kills any comfort my flesh might have.<P>I so desire to be able to not answer back, fight back, defend myself or be hasty, rash and impulsive to respond.<P>As I went through Proverbs, I found many verses to meditate/confess whenever I am tempted to yield to this behavior. I wrote these down in my journal all which were taken from the Amplified Version of Proverbs.<P>In the interest of time/space, I won't list them here, but if anyone is interested, I have almost 20 power packed scriptures on this subject I will be happy to e-mail to you.<P>My e-mail address is dickt@ecsintl.com<P>Let me just share this one with you:<P>"He who foams up quickly and flies into a passion, will deal foolishly" (14:717)<P>"The beginning of strife is as when water trickles from a crack in a dam; therefore stop contention before it breaks out, becomes worse and quarreling breaks out" (17:14)<P>My all time favorite is Proverbs 26:20,21<BR>"For lack of wood, the fire goes out and where there is no whisperer, contention ceases; as coals are to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man to inflame strife".<P>[censored] from Texas<P>P.S.<P>Again, thanks for letting me (as a man) share with you

Hi [censored],<P>Walked through that same study myself as my H is the explosive angry one in our house. I was pretty surprised at how some of them were worded. My H would not accept such information from me. Glad that God is healing and disciplining you in this respect.

Sue B<P>Thanks for the response....guess men are welcome here ?<P>[censored] from Texas

[censored],<P>Thanks so much for sharing. It is so important that we learn the power of the tongue, either to build up or tear down another. <P>God is really getting you alone. God is so great He meets us where we are and takes us to where He wants to move us. He disciplines us because He loves us but He does it with grace.<P>In sharing those verses and what you have learned allows you to share in God's way of healing. We heal when we can share our insights with others. God's way is truly a better way.<P>Father,<BR>I praise You for being the kind of God that You are. A God that cares so much that You do not allow us to run wild, but You discipline us and You love us at the same time. You see us and teach us a better way. Lord thank You for showing us the true power of the tongue. Thank You for making us mindful of our responsibility to choose to use it to build up others. Lord, let us not be blinded by the enemy's deceitfulness. Lord I thank You for leading [censored] here to share his insight through Your Holy Spirit. Lord we are a community of believers. We are obedient when we work together to build and encourage other believers. Thank You for [censored]'s obedience in this. Lord, grow him in Christ's way and restore his relationship through You. Lord instruct [censored] in how to put You in the middle of his relationship with his fiancee. In Jesus name, Amen.

hw<P>And the Lord Bless you for your response to me and I receive your prayer in Jesus Name!<P>Thanks for the encouragement......you will never know how I feel the Lord led me to this thread and particular subject yesterday. I believe it might have saved me from what could have been a 5 star disaster.<P>[censored] From Texas

Thanks [censored],<P>I have recently decided I need to work on my own anger I have built up from my frustrating situation. Looking up Scripture verses related to anger is a good way to do that. I don't want to become a bitter, resentful, angry woman. No matter my situation I know I am responsible for my own actions.<P>I have seen other men post here at times, so I guess you are welcome. Mostly it is a place we can speak freely about our faith and encourage others.