sorry not been here for a while, the computer died. somewhat fixed now. <P>well...here it is christmas time...I am having a very difficult time getting into it all, i am going through the motions but i have no heart in it. I know this should be a time of celebration, but how do you celebrate when your life has fallen apart. <P>i just don't know what to do anymore! ok, back in the beginning of september he asked for a divorce, I said "NO!" since then he has not persued it again and he has not made any leagal moves that direction (I periodically call the court house to check if papers have been filed.) so he has not persued it but he still doesn't want to work on it eathier. after sleeping on the couch for 2 months he actually has been to bed with me a few time. and all but once was no contact. he sleeps ontop of the blankets with his own blanket on him. I know he is still talking to OW though. her friends are encouraging this relationship, even though they all know he is married and has kids.<P>I told him the only thing i want for christmas is his willingness to work things out. I know we could if he would just give us a chance. <P>I wish he knew just how much I need him right now. I go in for surgery on the 38th and am scared to death. He says he will go with me only because i can't drive myself home afterward. he will be with me in body but not spirit. I just really wish i had his support and reasurance. right now my only reasurance is that God will use this surgery for something good for the 2 of us. He is willing to go with me so maybe i should just be thankful for that much. <P>I love my David, i tell him so daily, I try to let him know i appreciate him and all the work he does for us. i hope it all does make a difference and i'm not doing it all for naught. <P>I hope that God hears my prayers, to me they seem to stop at the celing.<P>------------------<BR>Irene

Scared and lonely.<P>Join the crowd unfortunately, we seem all to have been bitten by this terrible evil ploy. And that is what it is an attack from the enemy. Read if you care to last night's prayer thread, I focused on that. Read also what i posted on the beginning of the prayer requests thread. We must take a stand against this attack and cry out to our Lord, help us. And then remember that Christmas is about Christ! It is not about what we have or don't gave or where are circumstances are! Christ is born in Bethleham. Christ will die on Calvery and Christ has Risen to save us all!!!<P>I know the discouragement, it bit me for 6 weeksand then last week my h took the ow to his company Christmas party and introduced her as an old friend. It hurt so much!! But I know that Christ is the reason for Christmas and I know down deep He is still in control, not the enemy and i know that the fear he attempts to hold over me is empty threats. Because Christ has already won.<P>I pray that you are able to turn to Christ and find joy from Him. We are all with you and praying together. Amen

Your post would be an example of the codependency thing we are talking about on the other thread, allowing your H's behavior to rob you of all joy, particularly at this Season. Let not this statement make you feel that I am not hearing the tremendous pain you are experiencing or the fears you are feeling, of how isolated you feel from the one you love so dearly. Your post touches my heart very much as I am becoming more aware in my own situation that I have been allowing my situation to control my own behavior in not pursuing those who can support me and love me through the tough times.<P>Make a list of supporters, family, friends, church family, etc. who are willing to be there for you. Start scheduling them into your life, whether you invite them to lunch or coffee at your home, go out to eat, go window shopping, start a women's bible study on Proverbs 31 one or even the Power of a Praying Wife. You are worthy of support and you must take action to show that worth. I meet one woman weekly for accountability, to see what changes I need to make in my pursuing to be the woman God wants me to become, to challenge me in how I am adopting God's character in my life, and how I have been denying my feelings and misinterpreting God's word to avoid responsibility on my part. Wow! What a learning process!<P>This support would be the kind where you can free your husband to his own choices and consequences of his choices so that you can say to him, "I love you and want to be with you for all time, but I am not willing to beg for your support, affection etc." It frees you to love him with all his flaws, allows him to suffer the consequences of his choices, however painful that may be, and it honors and respects him to handle his things on his own. (Even if it means he falls on his face, which according to scripture is a good thing.<P> ECC 4:9 Two are better than one,<BR> because they have a good return for their work:<P> ECC 4:10 If one falls down,<BR> his friend can help him up.<BR> But pity the man who falls<BR> and has no one to help him up!<P> ECC 4:11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.<BR> But how can one keep warm alone?<P> ECC 4:12 Though one may be overpowered,<BR> two can defend themselves.<BR> A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.<P>Place your confidence on the Father right now, surround yourself with positive prayerful support, plan a birthday party for Jesus, think of the gifts you could give him, write them down and then wrap them up. (How about giving him your anxiety and fear about this surgery on the 30th?) Open them up on Christmas day and read them aloud and sense the peace that surpasses all understanding.<P>Stand in awe of God. Hugs to you!<BR>