I don't usually travel over there, but for some reason I did. Wow! What a blessing...makes me cry, maybe someday.<BR> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited January 03, 2001).]

<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/000521.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/000521.html</A> <P>You got some extra stuff in your link there SueB. <P>Positive words are definitely welcome. I wrote down all the negative thoughts about my H yesterday, and all my "I can'ts". Then I buried them deep in the ground. May they rest in peace.

Thanks for fixing it LH. My puter is doing crazy stuff since I installed Netsscape 6.0 Ready to can it all.<P>So how are you doing little sister? Tell me about burying the negative thoughts. What's your next step? What are you doing about contact/no contact with H?<P>What are you doing to nurture yourself?<P>Hugs from me.

I'm fairly new to posting here, and this is just to make you all feel even a little better about what you have. I never had any of these memories you've written about here. I never dreamed people did such sweet and happy things as give each other foot rubs, and wake up to your husband's kiss each morning, and say the sweet things you've said. <P>I'm a young senior now, but I think it would be so sweet and wonderful to be a wife and would do everything I could to make my marriage happy, sweet, fun. <P>I'm happy for you who have these wonderful memories, this precious history. Thanks for letting me know, for sharing these things with me. <p>[This message has been edited by computergal (edited January 26, 2001).]

Thankyou for the link!<BR>it helped my to answer my question I asked earlier tonight on another thread.<BR>Why do I love my husband? <BR>after i read those posts i thought and i learned and if you want to know the answer you'll have to check it our there. don't figure i need to post it twice. just wanted to say thankyou, i needed that thread.<P><P>------------------<BR>Irene

That thread made me cry. For what may be missing forever from my marriage. <P>I have never felt that way about my H. Not even close. Not in any way. Can't even imagine who would want him! The best I can say is that he isn't the worst there is. And he is less bad now than he was before.<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

Yeah, it kind of blew mw away too, but perhaps their key is that they are focusing on positives rather than negatives, thinking about those things they fell in love with and then have expanded on them. For me though, it just made me realize how far apart my H and I are and how we haven't had that type of closeness ever in our marriage, that the focus of our marriage is the same as from day one....of the fact that the issues in our marriage are the exact same ones that were in his first marriage and she gave up after 10 years and here I am after 4 wondering what the heck I am doing. <P>I try to rationalize that I have Christ in my life which the ex didn't and that perhaps the hope for healing is higher in my case, but then I think of [censored] and all he has written and how even with his new relationship, he is experiencing that same anxiety when his lady is out of his sight and I admit I am having serious doubts about God's ability to fix this. Forgive me for my doubts Father!<P>And I am not so sure it is God I doubt but again the fact that we all have free will and have to want to change according to his perfect plan for us and my H's heart is hard as can be in this area. I guess all I can pray is that God softens my H's heart and that I am senstive to the Spirit.<P>I overslept today and didn't wake up until after H left for work. I am sure that plays out in my H's mind that this is proof that I don't love him. I guess the stress of the relationship is getting to me.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>So how are you doing little sister? Tell me about burying the negative thoughts. What's your next step? What are you doing about contact/no contact with H?<P>What are you doing to nurture yourself?<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I was reading a book of "chicken soup for the soul" stories, and one really got my attention. The author went to visit a 4th grade class. All the students were busily writing. The author strolled up and down the aisles, noticing that the students were making lists of "I cant's". Even the teacher was making a list. Several students needed more than one page. <P>After a few more minutes, the teacher collected all the lists in a shoe box. The teacher grabbed a shovel and took the entire class outside. They started digging a hole, each student taking a turn with the shovel. When the hole was deep enough, the teacher instructed everyone to join hands. <P>"Friends, we gather today to honor the memory of 'I Can't.' While he was with us on earth, he touched the lives of everyone, some more than others. His name, unfortunately, has been spoken in every public building -- school, city halls, state capitols, and yes, even the White House.<P>"We have provided 'I Can't' with a final resting place and headstone that contains his epitaph. He is survided by his brothers and sister, 'I Can,' 'I Will,' and 'I'm Going to Right Away.' They are not as well known as their famous relative and are certainly not as strong and powerful yet. Perhpas some days, with your help, they will make an even bigger mark on the world.<P>"May 'I Can't' rest in peace and may everyone present pick up their lives and move forward in his absence. Amen." <P>The author is Chick Moorman. <P>So, I wrote down my "I Can'ts" along with a letter about my H that lists all the things I don't like in my marriage. I found a small box, grabbed a shovel, dug a hole, and buried those negative thoughts on new year's day. <P>I've been spending a lot of time rediscovering a book I read many years ago. "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain. I've been able to set some worries aside and try to get myself reconstructed. Convalescing is perhaps a more accurate description. I'm hiding from the real world right now, though, and my time in this sanctuary runs out on January 15th. <P>I've formulated a Plan A and a Plan B (first choice and second choice, not the MB-type of plan a and b). Plan A requires a miracle. Plan B is deeply entrenched in the real world and drudgery. But at least I have a rough draft of some plans. That's an improvement over seeing and feeling nothing when contemplating my future. <P>I hope everyone here believes in miracles. I pray that the one I ask for will come true. <P>PS, SueB, if you remove that link from your post, it'll get rid of the horizontal scrolling.<P>

reading your posts i just relized just how lucky I am...many of say that you have never felt that closeness the other thread talked about. I guess I am a lucky one, I had that closeness for the 1st 5 years of our marriage we were very close but after our second son was born things went wrong somewhere. but I have those wonderful memories of the past and that gives me hope for the future. and the one thing that really got to me in reading all those wonderful stories of those relationships is even though the OW has those stolen moments with my H, I still have him in my home. That has got to account for something. <BR>I am sorry for those of you who have never had that closness and pray that you may experience it in the future.k<BR><P>------------------<BR>Irene

Irene,<P>quoting you:<BR>"I am sorry for those of you who have never had that closness and pray that you may experience it in the future."<P>Thanks, from me and for the others who've never had that closeness and done the sweet and fun things others have shared with us here.<P>Thanks for your prayers, too. <p>[This message has been edited by computergal (edited January 26, 2001).]

This too was hard for me to write. My h believes he hasn't loved me since the 2nd year of marriage (23+ yrs). I do remember a lot of good things. I also tend to see only the good, complain about the bad and disregard (sick huh?) <P>Anyhow what made me hurt was the support the wives got from their h's. That is one of the hardest parts. If I am truthful, I'm not sure I know what it is like to have someone interested in me? When I first asked my self that question a year ago the fear was overwhelming. Now I would love to have it, but since I don't believe in divorce and standing, it could be some time. I do believe that some things would change (God's intervention) before God would bring him back. When the Lord works He works it all.<P>I do remember the good, holding hands in the movies, spooning, little gifts cards and flowers. Someone who remembered dates better then I do. Not singing to each other but identifying songs that mean something about each other. Him saying that if he was ever on a desert island, I would be the one. Now though he says all the same things to the ow. I wonder if there is anything we had that he hasn't with her, except the best part, our two beautiful daughters. That she will never have with him, unless you reverse his surgery.<P>I praise the Lord, for my h, and the only way I can explain it is the Lord's love for him come through me. Praise the Lord.