I broke it off with OM this weekend. It was the most painful thing I have ever had to do. As we cried in each others' arms, I thought to myself "Remember this pain always. This is the direct result of your selfish actions". I don't know how I am going to get through this, if my marriage will survive, and how I will ever be able to forgive myself for betraying my husband, and hurting the OM so much.<P>How do I get through the withdrawal, and how long will it take? The affair lasted 5 <BR>months.<P>Any words of advice/experience would be appreciated.<P>kl

{{{{{{{{{{<B>kl</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>First off... let me commend you! <P>You did one of the bravest things you have ever done in your life! CONGRATULATIONS!<P>Now... about the rest...<P>I am not a betrayer... but have been doing a lot of reading... The general concensus (on the duration for withdrawal) I've heard is as little as a month... but more close to the actual duration of the affair... sometimes longer.<P>There is a lot of work ahead... <B>hard</B> but <B>good</B> work!<P>At some time you'll have to do the <B>second</B> bravest thing you'll ever have to do... <B>tell your H!</B><P>After you tell him... you will have to be encouraged to completely break it off from the OM... with your H's support. Write a letter to "tell your OM that the relationship is over!" See <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... letter on page 58-59 of SAA. Do this with H's full awareness... maybe include your counselor as well! Don't write this by yourself... don't deliver it by yourself... Your "crying in each others' arms"... will come back... and it will destroy everything...<P>Important quotes... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Marital recovery cannot begin until withdrawal has ended. (page 68 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The pain of total separation from a lover is great at first, but eventually comes to an end, and marital recovery can then begin. (page 70 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and very important for your H... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Permanent separation(you and OM) not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to the betrayed spouse. (page 55 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Preparation for recovery takes time...<P>Congratulations on all you've done so far! <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

kl,<P>My withdrawal from my EA lasted as long as the EA - 3 months. Then took another 3 mos. to get feelings for H back up to where they should have been! A nine month journey in all for me.<P>This is a HORRIBLE time for you. You will most likley flip back and forth thinking you made a mistake and really want the OM, etc.<P>Try as best you can to focuson what you are GAINING, instead of what you are losing. You will be gaining self-respect and boosting your self-esteem which = self-love. You will get a better relationship with more satisfying love from your H if the two of you work together to build something stronger and better. This will be HARD< HARD and more HARD. <P>Know that others here know exactly how you feel - we have done it and are GLAD we broke it off with the OP! You, too CAN do this. You CAN survive the pain you are currently enduring. You WILL be happy again. You WILL love again.<P>Bring your pain here and we will be there to support you through the rough times!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

kl,<P>I am the betrayed. From what I read in Surviving An Affair, it takes about 3 weeks for the initial withdrawl, then up to 6 months for the residuals.<P>I commend you on your honesty in admitting your selfishness, in commiting adultery. I hope you and you spouce can rebuild you marriage.<P>Does S know about EA yet? Do you have the book SAA? If not I STRONGLY suggest reading it both you and you S. Keep Coming Back to this forum for support. Invite you S also.<P>Best of luck to you, you'll be in my prayers.<BR>Don't relapse, you will make withdrawl last longer. Have you severed ALL contact with OP?<BR>That will make rebuilding your M easier.<P>Hang In There,<P>Bill

kl,<P>I'm the betrayed in my situation...my S is going through withdrawl and it's hard for me. What ever you do...don't give up on your Husband. You fell in love with him for a reason. You married him for a reason. Hopefully the reason was because you loved him. Remember that!! Just don't give up! We're here for you.<P>Roll Me Away,<P>My S is going through major withdrawl and she's going through the same things you mentioned. The jumping back and forth. She says it's hard to let him go, and now she just sees me as a friend...hard to get intimate with me. Did that happen to you as well? I'm being as patient as I can...but it really hurts.<P>Joey (lostandbroken)<P>Joey (lostandbroken)