Hi, After 2 good mos of H being home OW is now back in the picture. She sent him a letter last week and of course it was full of I Love You's and such. He at first blew off the card but is now having those feelings for her again. He has been very honest about it to me and I'm scared. To be honest I don't know if I can go through this again. He is really depressed this week and it just hurts to see him this way. Any input about withdrawel will be greatly appreciated.<P>Jill

Hi, Jill, it's me.<P>Don't know much about withdrawal first hand, but I did want you to know that I'm with you here - in spirit anyway.<P>Is there no way that he can stop her from contacting him? Remember, Harley advises that letters and e-mails, etc go UNOPENED to avoid this very thing. <P>He does know about withdrawal and what to expect, doesn't he? That the feelings he's having are normal and will go away if he discontinues contact w/ this woman.<P>I don't know what to tell you , dear friend. Hang in there. We're here for you.<P>Lori

Jill,<P>Did he respond to the note? If not, then that is a GREAT sign. Yes, he's going through alot of pain... but you must give him time and kindness.<P>The two most important things in dealing with your H's withdrawal is <B>time</B> and <B>patience</B>. Let him grieve. Let him feel the loss. He needs to get over it on his own. Remember that there's not a whole lot you can do to make him forget. It's something that he has to get over all by his lonesome. The only thing can do is show him you support his decision to forget about her and give him love and kindness (translate : no love-busting ).<P>Yeah, and like Lori said, next time he gets a letter from the OW, NO READING! He should send it STRAIGHT TO THE TRASH! Do not pass GO, do not collect $200... He should recognize that. After all, it will avoid him having to feel the depression he's in right now.<P>--andy

It seems as though your husband and my significant other are going through the same withdrawl problems. I didn't know she had been going through withdrawl so bad untill last night when she told me that it was hard to let him go. It's only been a month or so since she's last spoken to the OM but for some dumb reason she's been reading his online journals where he professes his love for her and mentions how much he misses her.<P>I guess it's similar to the letter that was sent to your H. It was a way of saying I miss you. Why your H and my GF read these notes...I have no idea, but I guess it would make matters worse if we torn into them about it.<P>I wish I knew how long the withdrawl period lasts. All I can say is to hang in there and be patient. I know exactly how hard it can be. I'm going through it myself.<P>I wish you the best!!<P>lostandbroken

I'm so sorry that you are reliving the nightmare all over again. I am sort of in the same boat, where this OW is trying to weasel her way back into my H's life, even after 8 months of ending the affair. I just Posted about it.<P>Did your H reply to her letter? If not, then that is a good sign. How committed is he to you in keeping your marriage?<P>If you go into my Post, there are 2 letters that we wrote the OW. Maybe that will help, if he will write something like a "closure" letter.<P>Anyway, prayers and support are with you.

Thankyou for responding. I guess I'm just a little blue today. It just feels like this just goes on and on. No he didn't respond to her letter, not yet anyway. I do know I have to be paitent and wait this out but I have to tell you my paitence are wearing thin. I'm just glad I have you all to lean on and to keep me sane.<P>love Jill

Jill,<P>I know it must be seriously HARD to have patience and wait for his withdrawal to get over with. I cannot imagine what sort of inner strength you would need to pull something like that off. I don't think I'd be able to do it.<P>Two months after last contact with the OW is not really all that long, IMO. I'm still in withdrawal myself (roughly 4 months after breaking off with OW). I certainly sympathize with your H. How long was his affair overall? (sorry, I know your an old-timer on the forum, but I'm not really familiar with your full story)<P>But only you can know how much you can put up with; how much your self-esteem can handle before you just have to say "see ya!" for your own mental health... I can only urge you to wait it out.<P>--andy

andy- glad you are here today. His affair started out in April as a internet relationship and he moved in with her in Aug and was back home first of Oct. She is a master

Jill, your story is coming back to me now... Didn't the OW turn out to be a total whacko who was lying every which way? Including lying about the abuse she was getting from her H?<P>Anyway, so we're talking a 6 month affair altogether, complete with cohabitation and everything... Yeah, it's gonna be a while more still before he's completely over the whole thing.<P>I think he misses more the feelings he had at that time more than he misses the OW herself. Don't you think? I mean, the OW turned out to be a total mental case, and he surely realizes that. I suspect that he'll remember why it was he didn't want to be with her any more. You could give him gentle reminders, but that probably won't really help... Just being kind and loving is the course of action right now I think.<P>--andy

After reading Airheart's reply, I think I also remember that your H's OW was a total whacko! Where the heck do these weirdos crawl out from? I'm still trying to deal with my H's former Psycho OW too. Our psycho OW has contacted us after 8 months and is acting like she just saw him yesterday. Anyway...hang in there!

Andy and Notrust- We talked last night about what you guys said. He said he thinks that his feelings for her are more anger and hurt than anything. She really conned him and played him for a fool and he just feels really used and hurt. He said that he thinks that he is just looking for something in her that made her do what she did to not only him but all of her kids. She has hurt alot of people and he feels like her partner in crime. He was really down and vulnerable at the time and she took full advantage of it. He asked me to be paitient with him and if I really felt he was being sucked in to slap him back to reality. I did make an appointment with our Dr. for him as he needs an antidepressant. Had he done that last spring none of this would have happened.<BR>Thanks for all of your help, I was just about to throw in the towel, but your words of advice have made me see things differently. I just have to buck up and quite feeling sorry for myself also.<P>Jill

Jill,<P>In addition to the andi-dep, is your H willing to go to therapy? Or, is he already going? I don't think he needs to waste his energy by analyzing this OW at all (why she does hurtful things to people). He needs to work on himself and become focused again. As he works on himself, he will eventually wake up and do the right thing.