Now that H and I have weathered so many storms together, and I really feel like God has touched his heart lately with a new appreciation for his family (more loving, helpful, etc) how do I trust him again? For example, he has said for a while that a buddy of his at work who used to be a martial arts trainer wants to start working out with him in the mornings after work. They get off at 5:30 a.m. and they want to run a couple of miles and do some stretches. My H really needs this, he is suffering from some knee problems that the docs say are muscular weakness mostly......however, in the back of my mind I can't help wondering if he's really planning to work out or is he meeting someone. I intellectually feel like he's really gonna work out simply because they cancel so often if work runs late or if the weather is rainy or threatening to rain, but emotionally every absence from me is a potential meeting with some woman. He's made so much progress that I don't want him to feel like a prisoner. In fact, when I get concerned i tend to get really quiet, then he asks what is wrong....if I tell him I'm concerned then he asks how long he has to pay for past mistakes....if I tell him nothing is wrong, he knows right off that i am worried and gets upset that I'm pouting for no reason since he's not up to anything. Even simple things like going to the store or checking his e-mail make me suspicious, though i truly think right now he's faithful and wants to continue to be so. I even get suspicious if he goes someplace and offers to take our 8 month old daughter so i can get some rest. I never let her go for fear that he is meeting someone with her. I know , I truly do KNOW that he would never do that, but the emotional response, the fear is SO SO SO hard to overcome. I don't really want to keep mentioning my concerns because i heard to many men say that if their wives are gonna accuse them and make them "pay" for indiscretions that they aren't really having then they might as well have the fun that they are being punished for. I would hate to push him to that now that he seems to have made the decision to stay and be a better husband and daddy.<P>Any advice for helping me to really let go.....?<P>Kim

Dear Kim:<P>the only thing I can say is that nobody likes to be pursued!<BR>If your H really seems to act well with you, dont be so suspicious! our minds can be so dangerous sometimes.. of course I dont mean close your eyes, but put on some trust on your prayers and let go..<BR>This is very difficult for me these days because my H asked me to leave the house and a period of separation.He has not called for almost 2 weeks and I am still struggling not to call or make my life misserable by thinking about what he is doing.<BR>keep your eyes open but also trust the One who knows everything more than we do..<BR>God bless you.<P>lenchen

Thanks for the advice...and you are right. I felt really foolish this a.m. when my husband returned home from the run I was so suspicious of....He was dressed for running, sweaty and exhausted and SMELLY from work and running, and he told me every detail of where in the park he and his buddy ran, and what a good trainer this guy is. My H had called me from work as he was leaving to go run, then again from the car on his way home, and he stopped and picked up breakfast for us on his way home. I felt so bad for not trusting him. I have a problem letting go......in the home I grew up in everything that seemed good always went sour and ended up hurting you just when you started to trust that everything was fixed and would be all better (like all kids do)...Ahhh, the lessons of our youth!!!<P>Anyway, again i thank you for your comments. I will try to give it up to God...where it really belongs anyway.<P>Kim

emptynomre,<P>I think the only answer is Jesus Christ. You have to trust Him when you can't trust your h totally. <P>But I also think you need to remember to reinforce your appreciation that he called so often because then you know he is trying to be accountable and that will reassure you and build trust. Talk about it also, not about not trusting but how to build trust between the two of you and then to express appreciation when he does.<P>To answer how long it should take, I think the answer is until you feel comfortable. But that is not what I would say to him necessarily.<P>Pray, pray and trust the Lord. We can't trust man completely, but we can Jesus. When we fix our eyes on Him and seek Him with all hearts we worry less about trusting man. God is whispering in your ear, "come closer to me, I AM all you need!"<P>hw