Hi Everyone,<P>I really need some help here. I am giving up on all hope for everything. <P>Since I have been laid off at the end of January I have begged Tony to get at least a part time job. With my unemployment it would have been enough to cover the bills. He refused. He was too good for Wal-Mart or working for a landscape company. He also would rather not finish his engineering degree. Nevermind he can not get a job with just an associates and a year more of his engineering degree. He needs his BS. He does not have that much more to go but he is too good to finish.<P>Sorry my anger is coming through. I have tried everything to save the house. My unemployment is not enough to pay the house and all the other bills. I have recieved assistance with heating and the like during Feb because I had zero money and no more oil. My electricty bill has been lowered due to assistance but I still have to pay for it and food. <P>I went to the welfare office and they suggested I get a roommate that pays. I told Tony that I had no choice but if he could not pay rent he had to leave so I could get a roommate that would. He promised that he would yet again work for his parent's this summer and pay rent. Well he informed me that his parent's do not want to pay him. Meaning they do not want any of their money going for keeping the house. I lost it. I told him that if he could not be bothered to pay rent do not bother coming and picking up his stuff because I was selling it. He had an agreement in place that he would pay rent since we moved here. <P>He has never paid. I was working two and three jobs to make all the bills while he was sitting at home watching Jerry Springer and playing video games. I lived with all his lies and affairs but now when I needed him most he just fobs me off like I am joking. He does not get it I will loose the house and be homeless. Me and my two cats have no place to go. <P>Mom can not help me. I have to fax a letter to the morgage company explaining how much money I get in unemployment and a renter. I already told them I have a renter because Tony promised he would pay rent. I was not sure if he would follow through. He has always let me down in the past I was not expecting much now. <P>Please pray that I get a job and do not loose my house. It is all I have. I promised the cats when I adopted them that they would never be abandoned again. I want to keep that promise to them. No one will hire me. And the job market is getting worse not better. <P>I think God has turned his back on me. I am so depressed that I just sit and watch TV. I can not sleep. My poor babies just sleep on me and stay close to me. They know we are in trouble and I do not know how to get out of this...because no one will hire me.

{{{{{{{{{paha}}}}}}}}}}<P>I know all too well the stress of too little income. It's real and it's terrible, and it's nothing compared to the pain of facing your trouble alone when you need to depend on your H. My H and I are still under the same roof, but he's absent when I need to confide, when I need support, when I need comfort. You know what these things feel like I'm sure. <P>I'm still dangling by a thread and a whole bunch of prayers myself. Here are some of the lessons over the last year that I try to live every day. I'll share them in hopes that they help. I envision my burdens in a huge bag that I lug to a doorway at the foot of a bridge. The Lord asks us to hand over our burdens, and I hand mine over one by one, and I ask that the bag be emptied completely. I ask that my heart be softened. I ask that the Lord examine my heart and show me anything that doesn't belong there. I often snatch my burdens right back and start fretting again. Some of those burdens are covered with sticky glue and I can't seem to hand them over at all. I do this a LOT, but they're getting less sticky these days. <P>Perhaps some of the other ladies can fill in with actual scriptures here, but I think I'm not wrong when the Bible says not to worry. The Lord wants us to be joyful. We are to seek Him out when we are weary and He will carry us. We are to trust in Him and seek Him with all our hearts. <P>I remember you posted when you were laid off in January. You said one door closes, another one will open. I believe that, and even now I think you still believe it too. It's hard to be patient. I often think of Captain Kirk in the midst of imminent danger and the transporter is malfunctioning. Beam me up Scotty.... Scotty, NOW would be a good time to BEAM me UP! I feel like I've been waiting for a transport for a looooooong time. But, the timing isn't up to me. <P>More recently, I heard a sermon that said everything we have is what God has given us. What we possess is only temporary. It's up to us to be good stewards of what we do have, and try to let go of wanting things that we don't possess. Now, that's a tough pill to swallow IM(notso)HO when you're down to bare bone basics, or worse. Even so, Paha, try to set aside the money worries and the hurtful neglect that Tony is dishing out. Turn your focus to the heavens, and find things to be grateful for. Look at the things you still have, and take the very best care of them that you can. You still have you. Things will work out. Cling tight to your faith and never let go. <BR>

Pahkissa<P>I just want you to know that God does care, and He has not turned his back on you. It sometimes feel like that because we are focusing on the problem and not the solution. <P>I'm going to be praying for you, and also pray that God gives me wisdom for your situation. In the meantime, find a quiet place and speak to God - like you would your own father - with the deepest respect. He will listen.<P>TnT

Hi Lonesome Heart,<P>Thank you so much for your kind words. It seems we are in the same boat. I will try and pray that things get better for you. It is so exhausting doing everything and taking care of everything alone. I understand your feels perfectly. <P>It seems as if I have not slept in days. Thank you for some wonderful points you have made. I do not give my burdens over to the Lord...I hold on to them and feel I am the only one who can solve them. I think it has come from the fact that I never had anyone to rely upon. Mom has let me down in so many ways. Tony too. I had a very good talk to my Mom this weekend about it. I still feel the anger and resent ment but I have given a lot of it up. <P>I will try and visualize giving my troubles to God to deal with.<P>Hi TnT,<P>How is your son doing? Is he settling in? I do hope so. <P>I will try and have a conversaition with God. I have not done that in a long time. I pray but it usually is when I am in bed and I tend to fall asleep half way through. Thank you for suggesting this too me.<BR>

Pahakissa1, <BR>God is waiting for you to take ahold of His outstretched hand. He loves you so much, and will always be with you. His Word promises He will never leave us nor forsake us. It is the Truth. During the worst trying times, He is right there with us. Our Savior is the great comforter and provider. Give Him your heart Pahakissa1, and He will heal it. Yes it is hard to have complete faith in One who you cannot see, yet that Faith in Him will get you through.<P>I got this in my email and thought it might help you feel better:<P>Dear God, <P>When I am lonely and, <BR>Perhaps I feel despair. <BR>Let not my ailing heart forget, <BR>That YOU hear every prayer.. <P>Remind me that no matter what, <BR>I do or fail to do, <BR>There still is hope for as long <BR>As I have FAITH in YOU.. <P>Let not my eyes be blinded by <BR>Some folly I commit. <BR>But help me to regret my wrong, <BR>And to make up for it.. <P>Inspire me to put my fears, <BR>Upon a hidden shelf, <BR>And in the future never to <BR>Be sorry for myself. <P>Give me the restful sleep I need, <BR>Before another dawn, <BR>And bless me in the morning with <BR>"THE COURAGE TO GO ON.." <P>Author unknown <P><BR>Heavenly Father, thank You for being our refuge, our hope in times of trouble. Father, I believe that You are right there with Pahakissa1 right now, lifting her up, send her Your peace that passes all understanding please Lord. Father I pray that You will give her wisdom, and strength. Lord, guide her decisions and provide a way for her. Lord, You know her situation, and her heart. Please bind up her wounds and heal her heart. Lord, I ask that the Holy Spirit envelops her, comforting her, bringing her a deep sense of joy in her heart. In Jesus name I pray and ask these things, AMEN.<P>A verse for you:<BR> "Yet I am always with you; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward You will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -- Psalm 73:23-26<P>AW<P><I>'But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold." - Job 23:10</I>

Pahakissa,<P>I'm just checking on you to see how you are doing. Did you have that little talk with our Father God? <P>My son flew last Fri night from No. Calif. to So. Calif to be with my 25 year old son. He is doing much better - I'm hearing that he is always smiling from ear to ear. Now he has 2 plane tickets to come home on, so he has 2 choices - fly home this Sat or next Sat.... So it has worked out. <P>I'm still keeping my husband up in prayer - and you too. <P>Take care, and God bless you.<BR>TnT

I had a long talk with God yesturday as I was driving. It really helped me. I feel more at peace. I even slept last night I have not really slept in a long while. <P>AW - Thank you so much for the bible passage. I am going to print it out and hang it by my computer. I think it says a lot in what I need to understand. Thank you so much.<P>TnT - I am glad your son is doing better. Poor little guy I know what it feels like to be so home sick. At least he is with your other son and happy. Maybe next year he might be willing to go back the the Grandparents for a short visit.<P>I am doing better. I still have no idea what is going to happen with the house or a job. I am trying to work with the morgage company. The local welfare office is trying to help me as well. There are so many people in the same position I am right now. With so many lay offs it is just getting worse. I also do not really have any job perspects out there. I know something will come along. <P>I think I really have to learn patience and humility. I am really getting a good leason of that right now. And it has been much needed kick in my pants for me.<P>Thank all of you for being here for me. It means a lot. I do not know anyone up here and most of the time I feel so alone. You are all the best.

Pahakissa<P>Thanks for getting back to us. <P>I just wanted to share something with you.... Do you know what one thing you could do to make our Father God happy? <P>Is it doing a good deed? Helping an elderly person cross the street? Donate a million dollars to a religious organization? <P>The answer is no.... Those are not the things that "turn God on"....<P>The ONLY THING that we can do that truly pleases God, is to trust Him!<P>So - think about how we MB'ers talk about lovebusters and deposits in the lovebank.... and apply that to our relationship with God.... Okay, sin is definitely a lovebuster (except that Jesus paid the price for sin so we are okay there....) And the only thing we can do to make a deposit - to please God, is to trust Him....<P>WOW!<P>Just had to share that with you. <P>Glad you slept good like that. Now, you need to talk to God like that at least every day. And if you can squeeze at least a little bit of Bible reading every day - just a verse or two to start - you will be absolutely amazed at how much easier it is to trust Him. <P>Also, had to share with you - that my H is now on unemployment and you do know that my job isn't really a job? I am a VISTA (domestic peace corps = volunteer = means no $ or rather how about $600 a month?) That translates to less than $2 an hour.... And this position ends August 14th.... <P>That means that I am getting a chance to "trust Him"... Which means that we are almost in the same boat...<P>So, I will continue to pray for you, my friend!<P>TnT

Hi ladies,<P>Oh, I understand too... David (my ex) and I had to file bankruptcy, and although we rented the house, I watched the finance company tow my van away. I had been layed off from a temp job I held for seven years (temp = seven years?) and...this hadn't been the first time things were so tight. I've lost a car to fire, walked with three small kids to the market and put the watermellon in the stroller with baby #3, fried my hair off with home perms (couldn't afford professional, tried to do something to look nice)... oh, and on and on... <P>Can I say I understand?<P>Right now I *can't* work and contribute to my new household... it's all on my H's shoulders...which makes me feel terrible.<P>Ladies, I hear you!!<P>Just know you have a voice, and I will be praying for both of you (I have just now prayed, in fact)...<P>Take care, dear ones...

My cat Abby is helping me type today. Both of them love to sleep on my keyboard. <P>TNT, Thanks for the reminder to trust. I am actually letting go of a lot of things and feeling better. Thank you so much for the prayers. I am praying for you as well. You sound like you like your job a lot.<P>I am also very happy that your son is doing so much better. That is one strain off of you. Now that your H has some time he might be able to help fix up your house. If I remember correctly you purchased a fixer up place on the lake...right? <P>Seryl,<P>Were are you living now? What country? I remember living overseas. I loved it. I did part time work because my visa allowed it. It was odd being able to work while the unemployment was at 22%. I was the only one out of the group who worked. I was an extra for a TV program. It was fun even though the show was stupid. <P>Once your visa is in order I am sure you can find something. You seem to know a great deal about computers is that what you do? <P>Thank you so much for your prayers.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pahakissa1:<BR><B>Seryl,<P>Were are you living now? What country? I remember living overseas. I loved it. I did part time work because my visa allowed it. It was odd being able to work while the unemployment was at 22%. I was the only one out of the group who worked. I was an extra for a TV program. It was fun even though the show was stupid. <P>Once your visa is in order I am sure you can find something. You seem to know a great deal about computers is that what you do? <P>Thank you so much for your prayers. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm not overseas... only up in Canada! Yet, I do still have to have the proper immigration stuff in order - $2000 and six months wait, aprox. Ick, eh?<P>I am a software specialist, specifically in adaptive technology for people with disabilities. It's pretty specialized, but I can also work with labs, students, parents... I have tons of potential, but have to wait on the paperwork... which begins with FBI reports from the States, fingerprinting, and that $2000 we don't have. Then onto medical exams (paid out of pocket) and proof of US citizenship... egads... long process...<P>I'll take some prayers too!!!!!<P>Love ya, Sheryl<BR>

Sheryl, I've inserted in your name with my prayers !!!<BR>Also, I just coordinated a Service Learning project at our college - with Assistive Technology! Great article written the other day about our director. The students made some awesome journals about attitudal changes after sharing how technology can enhance those with disabilities!!! I have a deaf boy who needs some tutoring, and we are trying to find a student who will will work in the computer lab side by side with microsoft word to help tutor this boy. Adaptive/Assistive Technology is awesome, and a brand new career field. If you call the college/university in your area, I bet you could offer to be a "community partner" in a Service Learning experience for a psyche, sociology, community health, or even (if they have it) Assistive Tech.!!! I'm full of ideas to keep you busy while you wait for the privilege (sounds ironic, huh? privilege????) to work!<BR>God bless you! AND.... you have my e addy? if you decide to follow up on my idea.... I'll send you a power-point presentation or something....!!!<BR>Hey, and Congratulations, Mrs. (name) in Canada! Awesome! <P>Pahkissa<BR>Yeah, we bought a fixer upper on the lake house a year ago mothers day.... This will finally give him a chance to work on it, hopefully - anyways! <BR>I met with the VP at the college today, and he suggested that I not put all my eggs in one basket... Hmmm??? I am going to trust the Lord that He will provide a way, and that we are "wise" enough to see it! There is a job in the community that closes on the 19th that I will apply for - and I know I'll get it, but will still pray for the job at the college...<BR>TnT<BR>

Oh TnT, <P>I would LOVE to see that presentation!! I worked in a CA Community College in the Adaptive Tech Center, and that really is what I want (DESIRE) to do when I am offered the **privilege* to work!! <P>No, I don't have your email addy -- could you leave it for me here?<P>...and thank you for the prayers... <P>You have mine too... <P>Sheryl

Hope you got it Sheryl.... :0<P>I think I still remember your e-addy<BR>TnT<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited July 13, 2001).]

I didn't <P>Here, try this-- send it to nbeginning@yahoo.com and then I'll transfer you over to my home address... okay?

How are you doing Paha? Hope things are going better for you. Any leads on jobs? Read any good books? I've been reading Townsend and Cloud's Boundaries. I had such a hard time absorbing (or successfully resisting) what was said in Boundaries in Marriage. I just keep rubbing my head against wisdom. It's gotta seep in one of these days. <P>

oops, double post<P><p>[This message has been edited by lonesome heart (edited July 17, 2001).]

Hi Everyone,<P>Sorry it has been a while. I have been really busy. I have gotten notice that they are going to forclose on the house. I have to see what is going to happen. I am talking to legal aid. The first lawyer was really mean to me. She actually made me cry for a day. Mom is going to try and sell some cows... but the beef market is down. Stupid Mad Cow desiese.<P>I still do not have a job. In fact I got the notice about the house and half an hour later got rejected for a job. That is the breaks. I think I am being shown how impatient I am.<P>I have not told Tony anything about the house. I want to see if the morgage company will work with me first. I feel like they are stringing me along. I am going to call the lawyer as well. Work on both ends. I really do not want to loose my house. <P>Lonesome -- How are you doinging? I have not read any books other than Computer books. I am trying to improve my skills. How do you like the book you are reading? Maybe I should rent it from the library at some point. <P>Sheryl -- What part of Canada are you in? I live in New Hampshire. My guess is that you live on the west coast though.<P>TNT -- Hang in there with your H. You have been through so much. I know the only thing that worked with Tony was massive amounts of boundries. He still has a long way to go. But his parent's did not do any favors for Tony when they raised him. He is the biggest baby. All of his siblings are just as selfish and inable to handle real life.<P>I will pray for you all.

Paha, <BR>Your limits for rejection are being sorely tested, eh? About this time last year I thought money was my biggest problem because I didn't have enough of it. I still don't. I have enough to cover bare essentials, but nothing left over for the mountain of unsecured debt I've (we've) accumulated (H thinks it's not his problem since he's hands off with the checkbook). I too am headed toward severe consequences for my actions. Even so, I knocked the financial concerns from the top of my priority list. Then I found this forum. I put my spiritual life at the top of my priority list. After that came me. Then my marriage, then my husband, then the money. <P>Things got better for me when I rearranged my priorities. I went through a mental exercise where I envisioned letting go of everything I have. What would be left? God and me. It gives a different perspective when your lifestyle, your occupation, your shelter, the food on your table are all at risk. It is during this difficult time that you can examine your priorities and determine if something needs to be rearranged. What are you holding onto, and is it truly the most important thing in your life? <P>I've heard many times the stories about seeds. In order for the seed to grow, the protective shell needs to crack in order for new life to emerge. Some of the most beautiful flowers are buried in deep dark mud at one point. With proper nurturing the seeds will grow and prosper. If you believe in your heart that you will survive this difficult time and be a better person, you will look back and be thankful for this time. You can be thankful for it now, actually. It will be your opportunity to place your faith in powers that are beyond your control. I can't tell from your post if you've tried that yet. If someone told me two years ago that I would be reading the Bible, listening to Christian radio and posting in an online prayer group, I would have said they're out of their f*****g mind. Some people feel driven to drink. My life drove me to prayer. I thought, I am so desperate, I'm even going to try praying! I don't believe in that stuff! To use Michele Weiner-Davis "speak", it was my last resort technique. I am a better person now. I start a new job next week. My marriage is a shambles, but it doesn't upset me much anymore. The final stage of grieving is acceptance. sigh Things will get better for you Paha. Go to the library and get Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. It's time for you see things you haven't seen before. That is my wish for you. hugs!

Oh Paha, <P>I'm so sorry about your house... I think you need to discuss it with your H though... don't go through this alone, okay?<P>I'm in Eastern Canada, Ontario. I was out west a bit (Calgary) but only for visits to my (notyet)H who was working there temp. I'm on your side of the world, hon.<P>I'm praying for you... for SOMETHING or SOMEONE to jump in there and help you SAVE YOUR HOUSE!!<P>(((((Pahakissa)))))<P>Love, Sheryl