I can take it no more I want to stop hurting: <BR> <BR>The attack of satan is so strong, I was sitting here at my desk at work and recieved a phone call and the phone call went like this. Why did'nt you tell me that your ex-husband and his new wife has a new house? I told her I did'nt no and at that point all of what I was standing, praying, trusting and believing left. Just 2 weeks ago, My ex-husband called me and asked me to have dinner with him and bring the baby. And I agreed. We had a very good conversation and his conversation went like this. I want to apolize for what has happened in the past and for hurting you. ( Remmeber (in one of my post topics What do I need to do to get my husband back. I told you that he married a women whom I have known for sometime, that was married for 15 years and she divorced her husband and married my husband). Then he went on to say that he could not change what he has done but asked that I forgive him and we move on. He wanted to become parents together to raise our (my)daughter together. He went own to say that he felt that he did not try to save his marriage but he went own and did what was best for him. He said that he still love me and cared for me and was willing to do anything for me and the baby.But he also said that he could not leave his wife because he could not hurt her this would be wrong for him to do. He said he is willing to do what ever to make sure that me and my child would notwant for anything. (No he is not paying any child support nor is his spending time with my child).<P>I told him that I do forgive him because this is right in the Lord. The hurt and pain that I have been through I am still trying to heal from that. He asked could he take the baby with him on the weekends? I told him that I still could not allow that to happen, because your wife that call me and told me that she was not involved with you, has be traded my trust for her. It has nothing to do with you , but I just cannot have her around my daughter because she hurt me and destroyed my family. He said that was personal between me and her. He agreed to what I said about having my daughter around his wife, I told him that he could always come and get her anspend time with her as much as he wants, but if I found out that he had my child around his wife, then and only then he would not see her again. He asked me why was I so mean towards her. I told him if the shoe had been on the other foot and did that to her she would feel the same pain that I did and still feeling. But you would not understand, because you said you did what was best for you. And that meant leaving your wife and your family to be with someone elses wife. After making that statement he said that he was praying for me. The sad thing and I can not get pass is that my ex-husband professes to be a called man of God (he is a minister), how can he stand before God's people and preach and teach on marriage, family, etc., And do not fear God. Oh! yes they lived together before they got married, matter of fact they were together the hold time I was pregnant and not once did he support me.<BR> <BR>I have tried, cried, prayed, beg, and did everything I feel that I could humanly possible to get through this and believe that God will answer my prayers. It is not about them getting a house it is not even them being married anymore, it is the fact that he woke up one morining and decided he did not want a marriage are a family and it hurts to no you went out 4 months later and married again, but the sad thing is he does not even care of enough to even try to have a realtionship with his child. But make sure that he r children have everything, and these kids father still see and spend time with them. <P>Right now I am feeling real bad in my spirit. <BR> <BR>I do not no what to say, do, think, are believe anymore. I wish this hurt and pain would just go away. I do not want to feel like this anymore, I want to be happy. Her ex-husband is getting married August 11, 2001 and my ex-husband would have been married for 1 year this year 11/01. <BR> <BR>It is hurting so bad, my heart,my mind and my spirit. <BR>I just neede to share this with someone so I would not have to keep it in. <P><BR> I have prayed to many prayers, I have asked the Lord to change me, I cried to many tears, but yet I can't let this man go. Not because I have a child with him, but because I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad.<P>But I just can't not stop HURTING. WIll I ever have happiness again.<P>Please pray a special prayer for me that I might grow stronger in Gods word as well as in faith.<P>Thank you for listening.<BR>

BIG(Believe in God),<P>Know that people are reading your posts and praying for you today. You are in my thoughts and prayers today for strength, that time will pass, diversion,power,and eventual healing. Hang tough and tight!<P>HM<p>[This message has been edited by Harmonious Melody (edited July 10, 2001).]

My goodness. Sounds to me like your beliefs make you more qualified to be a minister than your exH! I'm not a church goer myself, and believe me, if I ever attend a sermon, I'll have your H in the back of my mind!! What DO some people think about when they determine priorities??? What you describe defies comprehension. How can your H continue employment as a minister under these circumstances?? And how can your H obtain a new house when he's paying no child support for your baby? Well, none of my observations are making you feel any better, are they. <P>Your exH's action are beyond your control. I pray that you can forgive your exH. I pray that you can let go of any expectations associated with him so that you may find peace and stop hurting.

believe n God<P>I know the pain. It is hard to understand how a man who professes to be a man of God and works directly for God can be so blinded. satan can reach any of us at any time. That is why it is so important to keeo yourself away from temptation. God will deal with him in His own time, don't you forget that. Not that you should want vidication or anything, but it is a fact. It may look good now but the time will come.<P>The pain is intense and horrible. But from the ,middle of it hear His still small voice calling to you. God wants you. God desires you! He wants you to turn to Him for Him alone. <P>I know that when things are all well and everything, I don't feel my desire for God as much, it is our human condition.. But when the dreams shatter and you wonder where God is, He is calling to you. It seems to be when He can get our attention best. But He wants more for us then to simply answer our prayers for relief from pain and suffering. He wants us to want Him, to desire Him for no other reason but to be with Him. Acknowledge your pain in your soul to Him and call out to Him. He may not appear immediately but rest assured He is there. He is building in you such a desire for Him. Because when you know your desire for Him then you are willing to let go of your dreams and wait for His bigger dreams for you.<P>Remember the cross; it is a symbol of death and redemption. From the death of your marriage and dreams He will bring redemption and new birth. He will use it all for your good. He wants you to be more than just happy which comes from satisfying our own dreams. He wants to give you His joy which comes from knowing Him and realizing His dreams for you and your daughter.<P>He is bigger than all this. Surrender the pain to Him. Don't hide it but scream out to Him. He is waiting to receive it. He desires you.<P>Someone sent me an email last night and they said, "say to yourself 10 times and each time say it with more passion: God loves me, God desires me." When you are done you will feel so much better. Keep remembering it in your heart. God desires you with all His great heart. He has a plan that is bigger for you than you can imagine. Are you willing to be curious about His dream for you?<P>God Bless,<P>hw

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:<BR><B>believe n God<P>I know the pain. It is hard to understand how a man who professes to be a man of God and works directly for God can be so blinded. satan can reach any of us at any time. That is why it is so important to keeo yourself away from temptation. God will deal with him in His own time, don't you forget that. Not that you should want vidication or anything, but it is a fact. It may look good now but the time will come.<P>The pain is intense and horrible. But from the ,middle of it hear His still small voice calling to you. God wants you. God desires you! He wants you to turn to Him for Him alone. <P>I know that when things are all well and everything, I don't feel my desire for God as much, it is our human condition.. But when the dreams shatter and you wonder where God is, He is calling to you. It seems to be when He can get our attention best. But He wants more for us then to simply answer our prayers for relief from pain and suffering. He wants us to want Him, to desire Him for no other reason but to be with Him. Acknowledge your pain in your soul to Him and call out to Him. He may not appear immediately but rest assured He is there. He is building in you such a desire for Him. Because when you know your desire for Him then you are willing to let go of your dreams and wait for His bigger dreams for you.<P>Remember the cross; it is a symbol of death and redemption. From the death of your marriage and dreams He will bring redemption and new birth. He will use it all for your good. He wants you to be more than just happy which comes from satisfying our own dreams. He wants to give you His joy which comes from knowing Him and realizing His dreams for you and your daughter.<P>He is bigger than all this. Surrender the pain to Him. Don't hide it but scream out to Him. He is waiting to receive it. He desires you.<P>Someone sent me an email last night and they said, "say to yourself 10 times and each time say it with more passion: God loves me, God desires me." When you are done you will feel so much better. Keep remembering it in your heart. God desires you with all His great heart. He has a plan that is bigger for you than you can imagine. Are you willing to be curious about His dream for you?<P>God Bless,<P>hw</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I thought I would write to you again, and let you no that I am better now. The pain I was feeling has gone. I still love my husband and still want to be with him. I want to let you no the words you had written was very inspriring. It touch my heart and most of all my mind. <BR>I did see my ex-husband on last week and we went out. He did have alot to say, HW, while listening to him, not saying that I am trying to put something there that Iwant to see, but while I was listening to him he was trying to convice me that his wife really loves him and that she is not going no where, he said that over and over again. It was like he was trying to convince his self that his wife really loves him. But in the same voice he told me that he miss me and love me very much and we do not no what the furture holds. <P>I really did'nt feel anything. I do not no how to feel when your ex-husband that once love you and told others how much he loves you and care about you. HW, the funniest thing is he never said he loved her. What's up with that? He also said that he can not just walk out but if he is unhappy he will leave. And he said this again we don't no what the future holds. HW, I have not stop praying for the restoration of my marriage. I have been visitating a web site called Rejoice Net. This web site is where a young aldy and her husband divorced after 16 years and they were reunited. She did forgive him and the remarried 7/6/and been together ever since. I don't try to make believe that my marriage will turn out that way but, how would I no if I do not asked and pray for God's healing. After talking with my ex-husband, it is apparent that he really do not no what he wants. I do no that you can not have your cake and eat it to. My prayer to God is that he create in my ex-husband a new heart and a right spirit change his way of thinking and minister to him and save him before it is to late. I spoke with my mother and she said sometimes when people go so far away from God they do not no how to get back. I said but mother he is a minister how can he stray. She replied Satan has no respectable person whoever he can get to he will destroy. Your husband at this point is begin controlled by satan, much prayer and much power is needed in his life. She said that he will be held accountable for his action towards his marriage, family and his calling. But you continue to pray that God will speak through him and change him.<P>HW, I am willing to wait. The funniest thing is today July 19, 2001 I would have been married for 3 years on July 12, 2000 I received a Divorce Decree in the mail (1 yr ago). I really don't no how I am feeling, right now. My ex-husband wife anniversay is next month to the man she was married to for 12 yrs and she has been married to my ex-husband for 7 months. And my ex-husband wife ex-husband is getting married and the same church that we all attended on August 11, to a women that is a member of the church where my ex-husband wife also attended and was a member of the churches usher board as well as her ex-husband wife to be. It so crazy to see what is unfolding in front of me. How can all of this be happening? I no God is in control. My ex-husband wife and her ex-husband was not even divorce for even a year well actually it is a year because he recieved his divorce decree last year this month. And now he is getting married again. I no it is like a maze. But it is happening.<P>I want hold you to long, but I believe in the power of pray. I been praying for my husband return since August 99 I have had my moments when I throw up my hands and said forget it I will move on, but a still small voice tells me to wait on the Lord and see what he has in store for you. <P>I am waiting. Is this stupid or Love.<BR>

I think it is God and love (who is love, pure love)! He is so wonderful and faithful when we are not.<P>Yes, it is so hard to wait. But that time is so God can get us alone and bring us where He wants us to be. It is so easy to forget all His lessons and the fact that He is Sovereign at all times. His ways are so differt then our ways, but His way is perfect!<P>At my Bibe study group this week one of the members announced that her daughter and son-in-law were dating again. They divorced about 2 years ago. The daughter had tried to get her h to go to therapy but he would not at the time and then they quickly divorced. Well, apparently recently God broke through to her and she realised that she too had been hard hearted. She went to her husband and told him how she felt and he broke down. He said he had always loved her... So they are dating and we'll see where God leads them.<P>I was so estatic! God is awesome and can repair anything. So, I wonder why it sometimes takes so long? But I also know that I and my h are just a piece of the plan and a bigger plan is really in motion. I saw my h broken two weekends ago. He came to me, but alas he says that he was forcing himself to see the possibility to work it out to be with his youngest daughter more. <P>To me it was a sign though, that God is still working, breaking through my h's hard heart even a little. I understand the ow is back in town, a spur of the moment decision, which may mean she just showed up unannounced. She may have felt that the relationship was threatened (he told me he hadn't called her at all the weekend before). But who knows. It is still in God's hands and although I would love for it to be resolved tomorrow, I know God has a reason for it taking the time is seems to be taking.<P>I had a very hard week this last week. Probably occurred in reaction to him being so hard against me and suspect of all my motives this last weekend as well as dividing up the time in which the kids will spend with each of us in the separation agreement. I was just so angry and it would seem that I had resolved it and then, it reared it's head again. This went on for two days. I just had to work through it. Understanding what I am angry about. Giving it to God (I always imagine a big picnic (red/white checkered) on the ground. I give God whatever is bothering me, anger, resentments, hurt ... and then I imagine Jesus picking up the four corners and carrying it all away on a stick.<P>The visual process of seeing them wrapped up and taken away always seems to help me. Then I work through letting them go and forgiveness. I always feel so much better sfter the process. It hurts and is hard but it really helps. If I hold onto any of that junk then I am just as enslaved as my h is to ow, sex, ...It separates me from my Lord and I feel distant. So then it is time to get back to seeking the Lord with all my heart. If I didn't mention it "Shattered Dreams," by Larry Crabb gave me a lot of insight and I am just beginning to read John Eldredge's "The Journey of Desire: Searching fir the life we've only dreamed of." I couldn't find this book's predecessor in the store "Sacred Journey," that had been recommended to me. But this one seems to be where I am as well. He talks about how easily our humanness takes us away from our relationship with God even if yesterday we felt so close to Him.<P>It is a journey. We don't know the lessons that God has to teach your h before He can return him to you. There are a lot of people affected by this and God has to get all the pieces in place and everyone where He needs them to be. And then His glory will be revealed as He brings it all together.<P>It is easy for me to write this and to think this. But I know in my heart how emotionally hard and lonely this waiting can be.<P>I am glad to hear that you are faring better. As you know it comes and goes. Listen to your emotions. When you are feeling hopeless and lonely, it is God saying, "Come back, closer to me. I desire you for myself and I want you to sit at my feet. Rest and drink in my word and desire to be with me only!" I have to remind myself of this daily as well.<P>I know Rejoice net, I think. Isn't that with Charlene and Bob Steincamp? I fond their devotional every day inspiring and encouraging. I was fortunate enough to meet them and hear Charlene talk when they were in NY this winter!<P>Thanks for sharing with me. I praise God that He will richly bless you while you are waiting for your miracle, the restoration of your marriage! In Jesus name.<P>hw

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:<BR><B>I think it is God and love (who is love, pure love)! He is so wonderful and faithful when we are not.<P>Yes, it is so hard to wait. But that time is so God can get us alone and bring us where He wants us to be. It is so easy to forget all His lessons and the fact that He is Sovereign at all times. His ways are so differt then our ways, but His way is perfect!<P>At my Bibe study group this week one of the members announced that her daughter and son-in-law were dating again. They divorced about 2 years ago. The daughter had tried to get her h to go to therapy but he would not at the time and then they quickly divorced. Well, apparently recently God broke through to her and she realised that she too had been hard hearted. She went to her husband and told him how she felt and he broke down. He said he had always loved her... So they are dating and we'll see where God leads them.<P>I was so estatic! God is awesome and can repair anything. So, I wonder why it sometimes takes so long? But I also know that I and my h are just a piece of the plan and a bigger plan is really in motion. I saw my h broken two weekends ago. He came to me, but alas he says that he was forcing himself to see the possibility to work it out to be with his youngest daughter more. <P>To me it was a sign though, that God is still working, breaking through my h's hard heart even a little. I understand the ow is back in town, a spur of the moment decision, which may mean she just showed up unannounced. She may have felt that the relationship was threatened (he told me he hadn't called her at all the weekend before). But who knows. It is still in God's hands and although I would love for it to be resolved tomorrow, I know God has a reason for it taking the time is seems to be taking.<P>I had a very hard week this last week. Probably occurred in reaction to him being so hard against me and suspect of all my motives this last weekend as well as dividing up the time in which the kids will spend with each of us in the separation agreement. I was just so angry and it would seem that I had resolved it and then, it reared it's head again. This went on for two days. I just had to work through it. Understanding what I am angry about. Giving it to God (I always imagine a big picnic (red/white checkered) on the ground. I give God whatever is bothering me, anger, resentments, hurt ... and then I imagine Jesus picking up the four corners and carrying it all away on a stick.<P>The visual process of seeing them wrapped up and taken away always seems to help me. Then I work through letting them go and forgiveness. I always feel so much better sfter the process. It hurts and is hard but it really helps. If I hold onto any of that junk then I am just as enslaved as my h is to ow, sex, ...It separates me from my Lord and I feel distant. So then it is time to get back to seeking the Lord with all my heart. If I didn't mention it "Shattered Dreams," by Larry Crabb gave me a lot of insight and I am just beginning to read John Eldredge's "The Journey of Desire: Searching fir the life we've only dreamed of." I couldn't find this book's predecessor in the store "Sacred Journey," that had been recommended to me. But this one seems to be where I am as well. He talks about how easily our humanness takes us away from our relationship with God even if yesterday we felt so close to Him.<P>It is a journey. We don't know the lessons that God has to teach your h before He can return him to you. There are a lot of people affected by this and God has to get all the pieces in place and everyone where He needs them to be. And then His glory will be revealed as He brings it all together.<P>It is easy for me to write this and to think this. But I know in my heart how emotionally hard and lonely this waiting can be.<P>I am glad to hear that you are faring better. As you know it comes and goes. Listen to your emotions. When you are feeling hopeless and lonely, it is God saying, "Come back, closer to me. I desire you for myself and I want you to sit at my feet. Rest and drink in my word and desire to be with me only!" I have to remind myself of this daily as well.<P>I know Rejoice net, I think. Isn't that with Charlene and Bob Steincamp? I fond their devotional every day inspiring and encouraging. I was fortunate enough to meet them and hear Charlene talk when they were in NY this winter!<P>Thanks for sharing with me. I praise God that He will richly bless you while you are waiting for your miracle, the restoration of your marriage! In Jesus name.<P>hw</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>All I can say is you are a blessing to me. THank you for your word of encourgement and most of all your truthfulness. I rally don't no the whole ordeal of your situtation, but I am praying that GOd will deliver and bring your family back together, bind your hearts together. <BR>HW, I prayed this morining and while driving to work after taking my baby to the nursery, I asked God to speak to me. And while praying and driving and mediating, God spoke he really did, and this is what he said. <P>Write the vision, make it plan for they shall run and not faint. For if the Lord said it, you can count on it, he will do just what he says. <P>I truly believe right now that the Lord is working things out in my life that I can not see with the visual eye, he is renewing, my heart, my mind, my soul, for the restoration of my marriage. I feel today a peace, peace that I have not felt for a long time. I feel peace with God and myself. <P>Thank you, for listening, and praying with me for the healing of myself, and my marriage.<P>Yours in Christ<BR>Believe N God<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by believe n god:<BR><B> <P>I am waiting. Is this stupid or Love.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>What is Love, is a very good question. Think about it long and hard.<P>Has your exH shown love? I am certain he is a wonderful schmoozer. But is that "love?"<P>What are your feelings for him based in? Needs? Aspirations? Charity? Sexuality? Admiration and trust?<P>What other words could describe some of the feelings you have for him?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Karenna:<BR><B> What is Love, is a very good question. Think about it long and hard.<P>Has your exH shown love? I am certain he is a wonderful schmoozer. But is that "love?"<P>What are your feelings for him based in? Needs? Aspirations? Charity? Sexuality? Admiration and trust?<P>What other words could describe some of the feelings you have for him?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>The best way I can describe my ex-husband....<P>Loving, Caring, Patient, Sincere,Understanding, Giving, and most of all a Sensitive perosn.<BR>It really does not seemed that way at this time, but when I first meet him, He was all of that. What changed him.... I treid to give him love, emotional support, honesty, and be a caring devoted wife. But what went wrong. I do notl ove him because of the materilistic things he can do for me, but what God had given him to give back to me, as the bible states love your wife as Christ love the church. I did not fall in love with him , I am in love with him which this has kept me praying and believing that God will restore my marriage. What love means to me is what my ex-husband did give to me while we were toghether until satan got a hold of him. <P>So you asked me what is love, My definition for love is <BR>unconditional love, willing and determine to go through trials and suffering for your marriage.<P>My feelings based on Needs...<BR>My need for him is like a part of me is missing and I NEED for my husband to fill that missing piece.<P>My feelings based on Aspirations...<BR>That we we prayed for was to have a family, home (not a house) and have memories that we could share together Till Death do Us Part.<P>My feelings based on Charity...<BR>That we would be a blessing to some other marriage that maybe on the verge of breaking up, that we could be some help in saving that marriage. Giving are all to Christ and be each other help me in good times as well as bad times.<BR>Give unconditionally to everyone that seek God.<P>My feelings based on Sexuality...<BR>My body is not my body it is my husband and my husband only, My husband body is noth is body but his wife body. And that we submit only to each other.<P>My feelings based on admiration...<BR>Is that we Respect and appreciation play a big role in a marriage. With my husband been that he said he is called by God, that I respected his ministry and appreciated that we were both equally yoke. I did not have to pray that my husband be saved, but gave thanks to God that he was saved and praised him every day for the ministry that was given to my husband.<P>Finally my feelings based on TRUST....<BR>Trust is something that you earned and can easliy be taken away. I believe you with my human side until it is reaveal to me what the sitution is. I cannot assume anything, But as the bible state you must be willing to forgive. Trust you earned it is not something you give away.<P>