I have posted here in months ... but to give you an update - husband walked out in 1998, divorce has been pending since 1999. Next court appearance is scheduled in mid-September. There had always been an OW in my husbands life, rather "friends" as he would call it. His mid-life crisis really made him realize he was not happy, so he left.<P>On Tuesday my daughter gave birth to her little boy and I was unable to be there as I was returning from NJ. I planned to see her on Wednesday. It would be my luck that my husband stops by with his OW. I remained calm, but my daughter thought I was going to explode. I really surprised them all ... I talked TO the OW and even had her hold my grandson. I know my STBX was nervous as he wanted to be. I was determined to show them I was the better woman. My daughter said he called her the next day to see how I was doing. She told him I was just fine. In fact, I was doing great. There were incidents in the past where I totally become unglued ... but I am past that now. He had also brought her to his brother's wedding last month. I handled that situation well as all of our family and church family were there. It was hard for me, but the hurt did not devastate me! I walked through it triumpfic! It was GOD, not me. I didn't have the strength on my own.<P>I would welcome to reconcile with my husband, but he would have to become a better man in my sight. Walking out on your wife of close to 30 years shows a lack of guts and character. I know this journey has been bumpy, but I am stronger for it. Thank you GOD, my father.<P>Just wanted share that when your spouse sees a side of you they never seen before, it makes them wonder what's going on! I know in my heart of hearts that he will come out of the fog one day ... I hope it is not to late for us!<P>Regards to all,<BR>Hopeful Heart

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Just wanted share that when your spouse sees a side of you they never seen before, it makes them wonder what's going on! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Now that's the kind of update I like to hear! I've been visiting MB more than a year now, and I too have found strength from within and beyond. Reaching the point of being geniunely grateful for the difficulties in our lives is something words can't quite describe. I have a sense of peace like never before. Although my H says <B>nothing</B> about anything outside of dinner, weather and gardening, I do believe he's noticing a difference. Who knows, maybe it could lead to a smidgen of interest. I just say my prayers and sing praises. It sends those black clouds of despair and self pity packing!

Hopeful! wow what a testamony. I can imagine how hard it is. I have had the occassion to talk to the ow once or twicw and remainedcalm and matter of fact. I expect i will run into a situation as you have before long if my h continues.<P>I have had a period of discouragement and grumbling during the last couple of weeks. I finally got a grip and I will be content with what I have and the way things are going. I am not going to wallow in the injustice ( as I see it). God has been so generous and provided for all our needs continually.<P>I know too, as you said, I would welcome reconcilliation, but not unless my h is able to turn toward God. To be truthful with myself and God, I don't want my h back in his current state. Meaning I don't want to live with a man that so devalues me. I don't want to be with someone that runs after other women because he is depressed and it gives him a fix. I know that God wouldn't want that either. Thi is hard because my emotions and heart still say to some degree I'll just take him back. But I do not want to go back to the way things are.<P>I know that means I need to make changes also, and I think God has been doing this is me. I will not be taken for granted and I will not be like 'an occassional prostitute' for my h in the current situation (he still thick with the ow but he becomes discouraged because he knows he has lost closeness with his daughters and how much it is costing moneywise, that he momentarily considers coming back and that discussion leads to him thinking we could jump in the sack.) I want to be the wife with all the status and treated as a valued person. I know God wants no less.<P>That means then that I have to sit tight and be quiet and stop talking about trying to reconcile. Let God walk the road with my h and hopefully he will come out of it and come to his senses. But I know that it all depends on whether God can get through to him.<P>It is hard though to do this as we all know! <P>I have to accept for now that I must sell a bunch of stuff so I can move to a smaller apartment. I have to accept that my daughter will probably be staying with her dad 2-4 nights a week and the ow will probably be there. I have to accept that this thing has to play itself out.<P>Yesterdat there was a women visiting our home fellowship group. She lives in Egypt but was born in India. Someone asked her if the perssecution of Christians in Egypt by Islamics is great and how much suffering there is as a result. Her answer was wise and beautiful. <P>She answered, "That depends on what you are looking at, Jesus or the circumstances. If I look at Christ I see whatever suffering and persecution I see and feel is so small next to the Cross of Christ. When you look at Jesus nothing else matters."<P>Wow, that is how I think intellectually, but that is where I want to be emotionally also! God is great and 'Jesus loves me." I have been trying to ponder that statement and read waht it says about "Jesus and God's love for me." It isn't stated overtly often, but when it is the statement are very powerful!<P>The God of the universe sent His Son to die for me because He loves me. Not because I deserve it in any way, shape or matter. Simply because He loves me. <P> "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:7-8)<P>Thank you hpopeful for reminding me how precious Jesus is and what He has done for us all. It is good to remember this and remember because of this He will help us through it all. Even the most difficult of situations like letting the ow hold your grandson. You are showing them Christ and that is what God would have us do. And when we fix our eyes on Jesus and not on the situation we can do all things, because nothing is impossible for God!<P>

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I know that God has been with me on this journey. It was His strength, not my own that got me through the difficult times. I realize that sometimes God will move someone or a situation in our paths to test our courage and strength. And even if we fall or stumble, He is close by to help us.<P>My STBX has been in my life since I was 14 yrs old, so the hardest part was being alone. My self-worth fell to zero and I believed that this was a plot against me alone. I now understand that he had deep conflicts also and felt the only way to survive was to leave. I don't hate him, as I love him very much. But the trials of the last three years has shown me how much strength I really have and that I must love myself before I attempt to love someone else.<P>This forum was a God-send three years ago for me and I continue to be encouraged. Although our situations and circumstances may be different, we all have a thread that will bind us together. Our divorce should have been final at the end of 1999, but God's hand has been holding up the process (delays, etc.). I know if I continue to trust God, the desires of my heart will be fulfilled.<P>Each of you ... remain encouraged. Look above your circumstances to God and He will look out for you.<P>Take care my friends,<BR>Hopeful Heart