|
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 10
Junior Member
|
Junior Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 10 |
God bless all of you!!<BR>I have been reading the forum lately though I did not post.<BR>Thank you so much hw and ymon for your words of encouragement! I do not know you but He does and He knows all the desires of your hearts. I've been praying for you.<BR>For those who are not aware who I am, my H and I have been separated for 5 months now, he arrived two months ago to the country and asked me to leave the house.<BR>After 7 weeks of silence I called and we met, but I found him so closed, so tired, totally unwilling to try (5 years married).<BR>I did not insist but cried a lot the day after; 2 days after he wrote by e-mail saying he wanted to talk by mail, I answered saying I wanted too and he did not reply!<BR>Two days ago I had to pick a book from our house (I left everything except my clothes). It was very sad, he has two puppies now, he arranged everything differently and so on.<BR>Thanks to God I was able to remain calm and distant. Later he called and we talked for about 2 hours, mostly the same topics we have discussed the last 5 years. He is so doubtfoul about trying and he said he is not sure he still loves me. He wants to find a reason, a warrant that things will work but he is not willing to make changes on himself at all. He keeps saying we are both good persons but we are totally uncompatible.<BR>Sometimes I think we are not able to find a solution but only God can but I do not know how to make him understand that.<BR>Besides that, after these days I feel so separated from God, I dont know what happened but my faith is so weak!<P>The issue I need your help about is:<BR>love should always wait, bear everything, no matter what happens and never criticize?<BR>Or a wife should tell her H all her feelings, I mean the resentment, the sadness, all the things she thinks he is doing wrong?<BR>My sister and many people keep telling me that we have to be so clever to manipulate men and be always on guard.<BR>I think a loving couple does not need that! <BR>What do you think?<BR>Thank you so much and sorry for the whole story!<P>lenchen
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 848
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 848 |
lenchen,<P>There is so much anyone of us could write and there is alot that you might find helpful on this forum. I think that the voundaries and the seeking God with all your heart.<P>One of the lessons for me that I am still learning in deeper ways is: "I can not control anything. If i think I do it is an illusion of control." God has been showing me this so strongly and He is still showing me where this interferes with His work in my life. The good news is HE IS IN CONTROL! Therefore letting go is not as scary and becomes easier as you practice and let it go to God Almighty.<P>The lonliness that has washed over me so strongly at times, I have learned is God calling me into deeper relationship with HIm. He is removing all the distractions so that you hear deep within you, His callin You. He wants you and more importantly He wants you to recognize how much you desire Him. That I believe is the central purpose for all our trials. God's call to us. Let's face it we don't call on Him as much as we should when everything is going fine according to us.<P>He wants us to want Him with all our hearts, minds, souls and bodies! We don't seek Him truely in this manner when we are distracted by the idols of our own creation. Idols such as husbands, other relationships, sex, food, TV, money, prayer even when we believe the perfect prayer will lead to God answering them. Only the God behind any prayer request is able to answer. He so desires you, lenchen. Of course He wants our marriages to be restored, but more importantly He wants each of us to be restored or come into relationship with HIM! <P>Now I wish I could tell you just how to do this. There is no formula and it is different somewhat with each of us. Each of us has different strongholds and idols. Each f us seek the Lord differently. He wants our sincere hearts that desire Him more than anything else.<P>A wonderful book that has helped me of late is "Shattered Dreams," by Larry Crabb. God shatters our dreams so out of the emptiness we hear His voice calling to us! He so desires us and He wants us to recognize that our desires for anything are futile attempts to satisfy our real desire for Jesus! Then He wants to give us His dreams for our lives, which are far better than anything we can dream up. God not only asks us to give up the sin in our lives the so called bad habits we have, but He also calls us to give up the best things in our lives. He wants to give us His best but we can't see that or accept it until we give up our own best.<P>I reread a story this morning during my devotions. It is about a little girl that saves all her money to buy some fake pearls she saw. She wears them everywhere. Her Dad asks one night Does she love him. She answers, "of course you know I do." Dad says, "Then will you give me your pearls?" The little girl cries and says, "oh Daddy you can have such and such but don't take my pearls." This happens a cuple of times. Then one night when the dad comes up to read his daughter the bed time story, he finds the little girl sitting up and in tears. He asks her what is wrong and she ssys through her tears that he can have her pearls. The father takes the pearls and smiles and takes out a beautiful velvet plush box. The girl loves the box alone but when she opens it she finds a beautiful set of real perals. The father says, "I was going to give them to you tonight whether you gave me the fake ones." <P>The Father, God, loves us so much that He has already given us the real pearls in our life, Jesus Christ. He asks us now to give Him our fake ones. It is not a one shot deal but a process. The process lasts our whole life. Thank God it is not all at once because although Jesus bore all our sins at one time, I know none of us could bear all of our own sins even.<P>It is a search and starts a journey. Seek God with all your heart. Pray for your h's heart to be opened toward God. Continue to seek God and let Him transform your character into Christ likeness. He will bring your h back when His timing is right and when He has each of you where He needs you to be.<P>Waiting on God to complete the good work He started in both of you is hard. But reading His word, seeking fellowship with other supportive Christians, and worshiping, praying and praising Him will ease the burden. Through these you are letting go and giving Jesus your burdens to bear which He already accomplished by dying on the Cross. Ask God for His blessings and praise Him.<P>Trust God to work on your husband. It is not your job to show him anything, but to show him the love that God has put in your heart for him. Don't force or seek out opportunities but when God brings those opportunities into your life love him.<P>I am praying for you too and I want you to know that I so appreciate your prayers. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been the verse God has given to me over and over. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." God is working even when we see no evidence! In His timing He will show us this!<P>God Bless, hw<P>
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 491
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 491 |
Hi Lenchen29,<P>I wish I had wonderful words of wisdom for you. I will pray for your situation.<P>I know that in my own personal issues with Tony I used Dobson's "Love Must be Tough" as a guide. It really helped our situation a lot. Tony even now if I let him would manipulate the situation. He has tried everything under the sun. <P>I know for me love is about mutual respect and sharing our lives. I no longer am an indavidual I am a half of a couple. I would never dream of manipulating Tony into doing something I want. I give him options and let him know what my boundries are. If he over steps the boundries that he also knows what I will do. <P>As an example Tony has cheated on my multiple times. He knows that one more time and he is gone. I can not live with the pain anymore. Pray to God to understand the situation and try to find what you can and can not live with. <P>Why did he ask you to leave? If he does not want to be married to you any longer why does he not go for a divorce? Does he need to be married to you to live in this country? I am sorry I am not familiar with your situation.<P>
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 10
Junior Member
|
Junior Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 10 |
Thank you so much for your answers ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <BR>hw thank you because your kind words and encouragement are a blessing not only to me but to others also.<BR>Well it seems I screwed it up already because I send my H by e-mail several writings I composed in this separation time (I thought I was sincere as he always wanted me to be) but he took absolutely everything wrong or critical I said about him and his mistakes, put it in a mail writen on 1st person ( I did this and that to you , I am responsible for everything) and send it back to me. I'm sure he is very angry at me now.<BR>Only after that, I read what you said about not trying to do God's job; I sent another mail to H explaining what I really meant, the good thing (?)is that this time I answered not apologizing but being objective and firm (instead of being humble and guilty as always), at least he will feel a change.<BR>I feel sad but from now on I hope I could lean on God to take charge of this, as you said on reply to Paha, when we do not fin a quick answer to our prayers we think we can do it better by ourselves. Far from reality in fact.<BR>Paha, thank your for replying, I'm glad you do not have lupus (my mom suffers from it and in my country almost nobody knows about it) and I will pray you obtain the job too and get better in health, finances and everything.<BR>I am really grateful because this forum always makes me feel better. God bless you.<BR>
|
|
|
0 members (),
1,320
guests, and
100
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,032
|
Most Online6,102 Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|