Hi Everyone,<P>Thank you so much for your prayers. I did not get it. Back to the drawing board. <P>Please do keep praying that someone somewhere wants to hire me. It is so hard with the market. Plus my unemployment is about to end. Eeks. Faith time in a major way!

Don't give up quite yet! Send them a thank you note tomorrow. Thank them for letting you know, for the opportunity to interview. It's possible that the person hired may not work out and that position will be available again soon. Then follow up a week later and ask them why you weren't chosen. There might be a particular skill that you can add to your list while you continue job searching. Or there might be some other valuable insight that will help you with future interviews. OTOH, there might have been intolerable working conditions at that job and not getting it could be a blessing. Keep your chin up. Things will work out for the best.

My honey isn't up to begin the "honey"moon, he's worked an icky shift this week and needs zzzzz's... so, I'm here for a short while.<P>Oh Paha, I'm so sorry!! I know this job seemed the perfect fit. <P>Well... I like lonesome's idea about the thank you note. Do that!!<P>Did I tell you that I have retooled resumes for people -- I mean professionally -- even taught workshops on it. If you'd like some help along that line, I'd be happy to give you a hand and we could PUMP IT UP!! <P>In the meantime, remember that you're SPECIAL, and when the RIGHT THING comes along, it will FALL INTO PLACE.<P>Hopefully before the unemployment runs out!!!!!!!!<P>Praying for you right at this moment, sweetie! <P>Have a nice weekend -- I know I will <wink, wink >

LH, Thank you for the advice. I had already sent him a thank you note and asking for feedback on the interview. <P>Sheryl,<P>Thanks for the prayers. How did the honeymoon go? <P>Right now I am just really depressed. No one is even giving me a chance to prove myself and the labor market is getting worse not better. I feel like no one will want me. Too top it off I watched that program on the human face on TLC. Now I know why no one wants me...I am mathmatically deemed ugly. Why do I watch those things?<P>

Paha, don’t let some designer of a Barbie doll define your beauty! Thoughts about being mathematically ugly will do just one thing – make it true. I can just see a dark cloud hanging over your head! It’s gotta go! Change the record playing in your head. Change the radio station. Listen to something else! <P>Every now and then a dumb tv show tells me something beneficial. Quite a while ago, Tracy Ullman played Ally McBeal’s therapist. I really like Tracy and found her role in that show a bit flat, but I digress. She told Ally that she needed a theme song. It has to be something upbeat, perky, and containing a message that you need to repeat to yourself over and over and over and over. Ally picked her theme song (first line is “I know something about love”, very perky, catchy tune). Next scene, she’s at a crosswalk waiting for the light. She starts playing her theme song in her head, she starts tapping her foot to the beat, then she starts bobbing up and down just a little bit. By the time the light changes, an entire crowd of people is bobbing across the intersection in time with the music as if they could hear it too. <P>I know this is a hoaky suggestion, but I have to say that I’ve tried it during times when the dark cloud hangs over my head. It doesn’t make the problems go away, but the dark cloud vanishes instantly. I’m ashamed to say I know just the first verse of my theme song (probably incorrectly at that) and can’t remember the recording artist, but it’s something everyone has probably heard.<P>I can see clearly now, the rain is gone<BR>I can see all obstacles in my way<BR>Gone are the dark clouds that had me down,<BR>It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day. <P>Ok, now it’s your turn.<BR>

Hi LH,<P>You rock! I have forgotten that song. I am going to try and download it. I can not remember who sings the song but I am sure I can find it. <P>How are you doing? I am feeling so much better. I try very hard to change the depression record when it starts playing in my head but when I posted I was not trying very hard. <P>I feel more optamistic now. Everyone on this site has been such wonderful help. How are things with your H?

Tonight Tony Evans talked about discouragement as a favorite tool employed by the enemy. You have plenty of things to be discouraged about, that's for sure. We'll both graduate to the rewards class one of these days. <P>Thanks for asking about H and me. I met with my counsellor today and she suggested that I have a safety plan in place when I tell my H that I want a divorce. She's not a doctor, but she said she'd be very surprised if my H isn't clinically depressed. She warned me that I will encounter feelings of guilt and shame and took some time to explain the difference between false guilt and real guilt. My H is very good at blaming me for things, and I've believed much of what he's said for a long time. In short, I've accepted blame that doesn't belong to me in the past. I've believed him when he says things are my fault. <P>I'm reading Patricia Evan's book on Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out. It's very helpful to me, especially when she describes how partners are made to feel inadequate and unsure of themselves. The partners tend to look toward themselves to find the "culprit", when the real culprit is the abuser. I'm about to get sued by one of my creditors. I feel very drained. At least I don't crumple into a pool of tears like I used to. I play my theme song and put on a happy face. It keeps the enemy force of discouragement at bay. I don't think it'll work on the creditors though. What a mess I'm in there. sigh The Lord has provided me with enough for bare necessities, but not enough to pay off mountains of debt. I feel like my newest lesson is trusting Him to know what's best for me (winning the lottery doesn't seem to be on the list LOL). I know what *I* think would be best for me. I sure do like having a home! I'm in real danger of losing it. I try to keep my material desires in check. I'm not extravagant by any means. I like a simple life, but I do like my creature comforts. If financial poverty is what God thinks is best for me, I'll do my best to accept that, but I sure dread the thought! <P>How about you, Paha? Is Tony still in the picture? Do you think there's a possibility that he's suffering from depression like my H?

Egad, that show sounds TERRIBLE. I hate that kind of stuff... <P>I love what lonesome heart has written, and as you know, I'm still working on the verbal abuse aspect of my prior marriage -- because -- ta da!! -- it's baggage I carry today. <P>I sure wish it wasn't, because it causes me so many problems with my H. We never fight, very rarely disagree at all, but we both spend a lot of time saying, 'Oh, I'm not mad at you, that's just a trigger'... what a way to live, eh?<P>My honeymoon was lovely, esp. the horse-drawn carrige through the botanical gardens... bliss...<P>Hugs!!!

Hi Pah.... Glad to see you are still perservering. The needs today are being met. Do not get so down on you that you miss what God has set before you. It is already there, you just cannot see it right now. Like Nyneve said, at the right time, all will fall into place. You are all in my prayers.

I had a really nice post and lost it. Right now my Abbie Cat is lounging on area rug next to me. She looks so content. I just love them so much. I was feeding them earlier and Abbie gave Goliath some kisses. She usually hits. Sibling they are so cute.<P>LH, <P>Your H might be clinically depressed. Tony is now on Proxac again. It is like night and day. He is back to the early days of our relationship. He takes the once a week and is doing great. He is less agitated and more loving again. It did take about two months for him to mellow out. <P>It is nice seeing Tony now. He is starting school next week to finish his BS and even talking about getting a job. Before the job was always me talking and him saying he would think about it. Now he seems to be willing to get back into the real world.<P>Has your H been willing to see a doctor and see about getting some medication? I know for me I take cexela and it really has helped a great deal. <P>I am going to try and find the book you mentioned. I know I still have issues with the past vebal abuse. He can still make a comment and I get emotional. He has stopped the emotional abuse but it is hard with the old wounds. So I know how you feel.<P>Sheryl, <P>You are so right about holding in the bagage of former emotional abuse. Even Tony is doing great I still have flashbacks of the way it was. <P>How are you doing? How is your son? I still keep him in my prayers.<P>Ymon,<P>I have to ask how did you come by your user name? <P>You and Sheryl are so right in time it will all fall into place. I think God is really trying to teach me patience. I do not have any.<P>How are you doing? Any changes in your situation?

Good morning Pah!<BR>I am so glad to know the spirits of encouragement and hope have moved in with you and Tony. Prayer does work!<BR>As for my H, come to find out the OC has been born, but is in state custody and we cannot find the mother either. He is dealing with that. It is in God's hands. We are still doing well in our recovery and strangely enough, it has caused me personally to get to know myself better and to learn what to count on God for and then my H. This marriage thing is so heavy, and I can only learn the process by staying faithful to God. In my job, I am in the process of being promoted. I am just waiting to go do my drug test. And I am 8 months along in my pregnancy, so I am ready for that to be over. God has really been teaching me what matters, how to deal with people closest to me, how to continue in love and patience. You are so right Pah- that lesson of patience gets you every time! <BR>My user name was born after I tried to use the short version of my name, (Monique) Moni. It was too common, so I tried Imon. That was too common so I stopped at Ymon. It is different, but not as unique as you would think and the rest is history. You and your family and the rest of my support are in my prayers. I know finances are so important. We just have to remember to depend on the One who the finances COME FROM.......LOL

Paha,<BR>I'm so glad to hear Tony's acting like a real human being. What were the circumstances that led to his getting help? My H shows no interest in seeking help.

Hi Ms. Paha,<P>It's a lovely day here... sunny, cool breeze... ah... I need MANY days like this...<P>My son is having HORRIBLE difficulty... thank you for keeping him in your prayers... I spoke to his counselor yesterday - she called me again, all the way from California (never ceases to amaze me)... he's having a devil of a time with kids teasing him, and with his disorders flaring up due to the stress of campus life. We're working on getting him more help... I feel good about that, at least. His back is being watched!! <P>I'm glad your situation is beginning to improve... God knows it's been long enough, eh? I soooo wish you could get a super-duper wonderful job though... I'll keep on praying.<P>Love,<P>Sheryl

Paha - I am still praying for your finances and for a good job for you. God always answers prayer ( yes - no - wait ) and I'm sure he has answered wait in this situation, just as he did in mine for so long. Just remember, the only pleasing thing we can do as God's kids is to trust Him. He DOES have a good job for you, He just wants you to trust him in the mean-time. AND, when He answers prayer He puts a "cherry" on top - too! So, I would imagine that 'cherry' has something to do with Tony.<BR> Lord God, I lift up Paha's finances, and work situation again up to you, and I ask to increase her faith, and work out a job for her that FITS her situation and needs, IN JESUS NAME!<P>Sheryl - I am so glad that your son is getting some individual attention from the counselor at the school. I do hope he feels like he has an advocate, and pray that he learns his ultimate advocate is Jesus. I am glad that you feel still very connected to him, his school and his outcome, even though you are so very far away. <BR> Lord Heavenly Father, I pray for Sheryl and her son, that they would know without a doubt that your son Jesus is their advocate in all situations. That he argues against the accuser, and the accuser is called a liar, because the advocate has paid the price of any issues. Let them feel the love that you have for them, let them know that they are precious to you, and that you see them without blemish, perfect and holy, and entitled to all the blessings that you have for them as your people. Thank you for your love, and thank you for your plans that are higher than we can think of. I know you have high plans for Sheryl, and I praise you. In Jesus Name, Amen.<P>My son from San Diego is out visiting for the weekend! This is his second trip to MN. It is a pleasure having him! This is the "cherry" on top of my prayers. <P>God, bless these wonderful women, and uplift them today, I pray, In Jesus Name!<P>TnT <BR>

Hi Ymon,<P>Thanks for the explination on your name. <P>Dealing with an OC is always difficult. How do you feel about that? Does your H want visitation? Do take care of yourself and the wee one inside you. Congradulations on the promotion! <P>Nancy Reagan once said "Women are like tea bags no one knows how strong they are till the water is boiling." Well now you know your strenght. Trial by fire is hard but God does say we need it. <P>LH,<P>Tony got back on medication because Me and his Mom really pushed for it. I just was not going to put up with his abuse anymore. He tried Paxil but it really made him want to throw up so he went back to Prozac. Tony and I had a long discussion of his medication yesturday. He said he can tell when Thursday rolls around he is starting to need his weekly dose. He takes it Friday mornings. I explained to him that I really see a difference in him. He no longer has angry man inside of him. It is wonderful seeing him like this. He has decided that if he needs to be on prozac the rest of his life he will do so. <P>I guess your H does not realize how bad his depression is. Is he willing to see his family doctor. Tony gets his medication from our regular family doctor. I just know I love Tony like this. This is the Tony I fell in love with. <P>Sherly,<P>I am still praying for your son. I wonder if it is not good for him to maybe start getting back into the so called real world now while he has all the support. Later on in life it might be harder. What do you think? I will keep up my praying for him.<P>TnT,<P>In a lot of ways we are in the same area...looking for work. I know for me I think I have to learn patience and God's timing. Maybe the same for you. I did as you asked and laid my hands on my screen. I know that you will get a job with the university. I have an idea... meet with the HR person and really sit down with her and the other person and map out an idea position for yourself. <P><BR>OK I got a reply back from the person who interviewed me. He stated that he got over 30 application for the the job and only hired the top five. He just found a candidate with more experiance than me. Oh well...it really was a boost to my ego to know I was at least in the top five. <P>

Hi Ladies, and thank you for the thoughts and prayers... things going pretty poorly for my son, and it's very sad. I am working hard for him, and it seems to be helping, truly, but nothing is the same as being able to hold tight.<P>Sadly, Tnt, my son hates everything to do with God -- his reasons are twofold. One, he was abused (sexually) but a boy we met at our church. It snowballed into quite the mess, as you can imagine. Secondly, because of his disabilities, he blames God. I mean, he blames God FOR the disabilities. How could a loving God make him this way? That's what he thinks. Between the two situations, he's turned his back on Him. I pray for him, and his father prays for him. He says he doesn't believe in God anymore, but I think it's more that he's disappointed. I do hope he changes his mind... he's missing out on some true comfort otherwise.<P>Thanks again, and Paha, I'm still praying for that perfect job to come along and land in your lap.<P>Love you both, <P>Sheryl

Good morning ladies<BR>I am doing well. God is really blessing. I am so glad to see that things are looking up for us all. Pah, you are right about the trials and challenges by fire. Lord knows I have had my share of boiling water this year! <BR>My H would actually like to gain sole custody, since the OC's mom is active in her drug use again, possibly. But I think that she did not volunteer any information to the authorities where he is concerned, and now he is feeling pretty sorry to have a child he won't be able to know at least not immediately. But God has a way of working things like that out. And he is convinced that an A is something he does not want to repeat. As for my pregnancy, I am 33 weeks now, and I can not get this insurance together, to finish out my prenatal care. I have never had this challenge before, but I am still pursuing it. I have not been to the doctor in months with my work. I do hope Pah, that you are taking this time to be in prayer and dwelling on some encouraging scriptures, and especially listening for God's next instructions since you do not yet have a clock to punch yet.... You are all in my prayers....

Hi Sheryl,<P>Sorry things are not going well for your son. Maybe this is a chance for him to find himself. A journy of knowing who he is and how he wants to live and be though of. <P>I am still praying for God's protective pressence. I am sure He is helping your son through this trying time.<P>Hi Ymon,<P>Pregnant...what do you hope for? I know you are stressed about not seeing a doctor and worried about the hospital bills. Can you see if there is a community clinic or the like in your area. I found a community clinic for the city I live in. It acts like you have insurance. I pay 5USD copay for my visits and the same for the medicaction. Some of the stuff I take is not covered but most is. It has been a saving grace for me. Maybe call your local welfare office and ask what they advice or even someone at your local hospital might know what kind of options you have.<P>I read a book once that described the long trips the pioneer women made from the east coast out west. Most of the trip they had to walk...there was no room for them to ride. Of course the men got to ride. They would have to make the gruling trip pregnant. Can you imagine having to walk over 10 miles a day over imposable terain help with the animals, cook and even assit with the repair of the wagons. I guess you say I am a bit of a feminist...but I find what we the fair sex can do amazing. <P>Do try and relax when you can. I will pray the insurance mess with get organized for you. Please do keep us updated. I find child birth amazing...that little person inside of you squirming and ready to get out. <P>I am praying for both of you.

Hello all! I just got off the phone with the midwife's office. I do have my insurance in force.<BR>I just picked up my car yesterday.<BR>My life has been realizing in provisions. H and I are even praying together more now. We keep going oh yeah! He has been in night college courses for two weeks. Your prayers have been heard and I thank you for your support. I pray for you as well, and those in the tragic bombings up north.

Ymon,<P>I am so happy that your and your H's prayers have been answered. I am seeing everyone's prayers coming to fruition and it helps me in such a grand way to know that God does care for us all.<P>Take care of yourself. I will keep praying for a healthy baby! Hope things go well with the midwife.<P>