Hi everyone,<p>Well Tony came to the house. I was not going to call the police if he called or emailed me but last week he came to the house. <p>He was crying and threatening suicide. I calmed him down and we talked for a few minutes. I then took him back to his truck. He has been sleeping with that person Nikki. The street girl that does drugs and underage drinking. She has slept with some of the most discusting men I have ever seen. Not to mention she herself is very eww. <p>I called the police on him coming here and filed a report. He has called since then. We talked for about an hour. I feel better about the relationship or lack there of. I have explained to him that I just can not release all the hard feelings and move on. He called last night and I did not even pick it up. <p>I was told on Friday that I was laid off. Nice. Now who ever said God gave you only what you can handle is on crack. I can not handle this anymore. No one will hire me... I was laid off when they said they loved me working there. The morgage company is breathing down my thought. I am days away from loosing my car. I used the last of my money on buying cat food. When does something go right for me? <p>I have been reading Psalms and the crys for help that David wrote. They make me feel better for a little bit. What can I do? I keep trying and nothing ever happens. I must be cursed.

OH honeygirl, I HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!<p>((((((((((Pahakissa))))))))))<p>I am sending the greatbiggest hugs I can!!!!!!!!<p>I'm sooooooooo sorry....<p>No words, no words... because I've BEEN THERE, and I know, I know.... <p>I brought up the whole thing about God not giving you more than you can handle just last week... when is it too much? When you off yourself? Or as I explained, when I crawled out my bedroom window and drove to the beach to drown myself???<p>I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, dear Paha. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>And, I LOVE YOU - YOU, just little ol' Paha, who has a HEART OF GOLD, and the HEART OF GOD.<p>You're gonna make it. I don't know how, but you will...<p>Many more hugs,
Sheryl<p>[ January 14, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

Probably not the words you want to hear right now, but I feel led to write them anyway. When I was going through the study, Experiencing God, there was discussion about the need for crisis points in our lives, the kind that really challenges us and what and who we believe. Being as we are flawed human beings, we often make poor choices in our lives. God is steadfast and never leaves us but He does allow us to go through those learning opportunities. <p>I don't have magic answers but I do know that I have sold everything and started over from scratch 3 times. It is a wonderful thing to start over because you get rid of all the junk you collect over the years. I have lived in a 12 x 16 cabin with the closest running water three-fourths of a mile away. Another time I lived in a tent for 6 months while I built another house. I have used a generator for limited power when I had no electricity. <p>When I leaned on the Lord, I found that He was always faithful and that challenged me to live by faith in return, to let go of stuff and to be willing to open my eyes to new adventures. Though it might be uncomfortable for you, the loss of a job, the creditors hammering at the door, etc. really does open for new growing possibilities. How much can you sell so that you own a car free and clear and have gas money available? How near a camp ground are you as many have cabins for off season rates. Rent a storage unit and dump what you cannot live without, but let go of as much as possible.<p>I cannot describe the freedom I felt when I was not burdened by stuff. If I had a choice, I would sell most things now and again live without the burden of things. My H is not ready for that and so I wait patiently for whatever God has in mind for us. I am trying to learn about boundaries and affirming who I am in Christ and watching to see where HE is working, that I might join in the work. I am trying to learn the secret of contentment that Paul had learned. I think much of it had to have been learned within the confines of hardship.<p>I am praying for you.

Pahakissa, I'm praying for you, cling to the Lord and focus on Him. SueB, your post was GREAT, thank you for those words of wisdom. Somedays I want to do the same, sell everything and build a smaller house we could pay cash for and not owe anyone. My dh definitely isn't ready for that either. I am learning to be patient and content and am trusting the Lord to always provide, and He does.
Paha don't give up, keep praying and listening for the Lord's answers to your prayers.<p>God bless, AW

Hang in there Paha. You had a job for a while. Someone DID hire you! I can chime in a bit with what SueB is saying. We're all firmly attached to our creature comforts, that's for sure. Oh, I need to take notes while I listen to the radio. There's a story about a man and his son, and the man was told he needed to sacrifice his son. He didn't want to, of course, but off they trundled to the mountain. The man had so much faith that he was willing to sacrifice his son. The son was sacrificed and then returned to his father as if nothing had happened. The two of them returned home together. God needs to know that we're willing to make painful sacrifices. Paha, I've seen you sweat bullets as your home teeters on the brink of disaster. Believe me, I know how it feels. I don't want to lose it, but in my mind I keep God, faith and grace at the top of my priorities and make sure that my attachment to my physical abode is several rungs down. <p>There was another inspiration from the radio that's helped just in the last few days. It talked about eagles learning to fly. Flying lessons amount to being pushed out of the nest. If the poor eaglet is pushed too soon, the mother eagle will swoop down and catch her young on her wings and carry it back to the nest. The time to fly can wait. The next portion talked about running and walking. Sometimes our pace is hectic, and when we need to pause for refreshment, the Lord will be there to keep us going. Sometimes we don't have the strength to run. All we can do is walk. The demands placed on us by everyday life compel us to run at breakneck speeds to keep up, but sometimes it's just more than we can do. During those times, it's important to at LEAST walk, to do as much of our daily business as we can. <p>Paha, I've spent more hours than I care to admit in a "hand wringing" state, where I look at all the things needing attention. I feel so overwhelmed and I make things worse by accomplishing very little if anything. That feeling was coming on real strong just last weekend. I couldn't run, jog, or even walk, but I could creep through just a few things. Even mundane things like laundry, changing the linens, cleaning the kitchen count. I'm reading books on fung shei and getting rid of clutter. Look around you. Do you see clutter? I'm gonna guess that you have clutter! Clear out some room for new things in your life. I can PROMISE you'll feel better. If you have empty boxes in your attic or stuff behind your doors, start there. Read some of the letters at www.clearingspace.com if you need some inspiration for clutter clearing. <p>I want so much for things to be better for you Paha. Right now this moment, you have your home, your job, your vehicle and your cats. Cherish those things, take good care of them, and hope that tomorrow will be better than today. Know that I'm praying for you Paha.

This guy's interview was really interesting as well I thought. Must be the Spring Cleaning in the air but I am clearing out as well those areas that I am allowed to be in control of.<p>http://www.freep.com/fun/features/qaslet28.htm<p>And thanks for the affirmations ladies. I was afraid that I might be considered uncaring to Paha's distress but I really have found a release when it was all gone. My daughter went through a reorganization three years ago, credit ruined, etc. but the lessons she has learned in the last three years are too precious. God has increased her income, given her heart in many areas that she was not so sensitive, etc. Had I bailed her out, she would not have learned those lessons. She has more confidence in herself and though she feels frustrated by not having credit built up, she does feel proud of herself that she has been consistent over the past three years.<p>Father, I ask that you bless Paha in a special way today, that you give her your insight into the way you would have her go. Thank you for giving her the strength to remain firm with the protection order. Help her to be sensitive to the peace that you will provide her today and help her to rest in it. Give her wisdom in what direction you would have her go for employment, whether she is to let all go and to move to another area to further provide the gap between her and Tony so that Tony will be more inclined to receive help for his issues. We ask these things in Jesus' name, Amen.

I just know I'm an undiagnosed dyslexic. Here's that fung shui link again...
http://www.spaceclearing.com/

Hi Everyone, <p>OK some good news. I have a job interview tomorrow. I really want this job. Today I am studying for it. Doing the research on the company, and everything. Just please pray that I remain calm, focused, answer all the questions correct, and I get the job. <p>Also can you pray for my Mom's health. Her back is getting worse and now she has blood clot in her leg. I worry and I love her so much. <p>Sheryl --- thank you so much for the prayers. I need them. I can not tell you how happy I am that things are looking up for you.<p>I need to sometimes remember the footstep poem. I know God is with me...it just does not feel like it right now.<p>SueB --- do not worry you are right. I can not cling so tight to objects. I am trying not to. It is hard though because I do love my house. At some point Mom is going to have to live with me and her bedroom is on the main floor. Easy for her to get around. I know it sounds like I am justifying why I should keep the house. I am trying to let go. <p>
AW --- It has been a long time. How are you doing? Hoping the best for you. You are so right I need to learn to listen to God. I can be very stubern. It took a great deal for me to see that Tony is so not good for me. <p>LH --- How are things going with your H? Anything new. I purchased a Feng Shui book when I first purchased the house. I dug it out a few days ago. I really want to change the house around now that Tony is not here. I need to really start packing up his stuff. <p>You are so right...I have not done anything. Yesturday I went to a friends house and she helped me sew a dress that I have been wanting to do. We talked and it has helped me a great deal. I now feel a bit ready to takle the job of packing everything up. <p>I have to admit that I still feel a great deal of guilt. I feel like I was not enough, not good, not patient, and not preaty for Tony. I know in my head the issues are with Tony and not me but I wish my heart and soul would get that message. <p>Maybe we can start sharing Feng Shui tips. I know I read an article on clutter and I need to get rid of that first. I have so much stuff running around. I am just going to go from room to room and start packing Tony's stuff and get rid of stuff I no longer need. <p>I am going to check out the links. Thank you so much for your guidance.

Dear Pahakissa2:<p>Wow, I wondered how you were doing. Been away from the Boards for awhile.<p>Good luck on the interview. Remember, your being laid off is no reflection on your abilities. We're in a bad economy right now and companies are downsizing.<p>And also keep in mind that no woman or girl would be enough for Tony. It's his own lack, it's what's missing in him, that makes him keep searching. It's not up to you to be perfection for him.<p>I hope if God wants it for you, that you get the job.<p>[ January 16, 2002: Message edited by: Bellevue ]</p>

Paha,
Hugs to you. I hope the interview goes wonderfully.<p>Here's the complete verse for that troublesome "more than you can bear" reference. Most of the time in common usage we hear it used wrongly.<p>1 Corinthians 10: 12-14 (NIV) "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall. No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. Therefore, my dear freinds, flee from idolatry."<p>So, unless there is another verse that is similar, and I've been asking around lately, cuz this has been on my mind, this verse is talking about temptation & idolatry, not burdens.

Best wishes, dear Paha, on your job interview. I pray that God shows the interviewer what an asset you will be, and that their heart is softened toward you...<p>(((((Paha)))))

good luck with job, thoughts your way

Hi Everyone,<p>
I did not get the job. It was my own decision. It was just contract and would have taken months to build the business up before seeing any money. I can not live that long. Oh well. She was very nice and It would have been a great opratunity.<p>I have a couple of other job posabilities so pray that one of them pans out...and soon. <p>
Bellvue --- thank you for the prayers. How are you doing? Have not heard from you in ages. <p>Lor --- thank you for the bible passage. It helps clear everything up. Well I am just taking it one day at a time...even minute by minute.<p>Sheryl--- Thank you for your prayers. They mean a lot to me.<p>Sing -- also thank you for the prayers. How are things for you? I am keeping you in my prayers. Is it getting any better?

HI Paha,
I certainly will keep you in my prayers during this very rough time. You are going to be fine, you will get thru this with the help of god and friends. (((((hugs))))) cl

Hi CL,<p>Thank you so much for your encouragement. I have to say my Mom is helping me loads. When I was younger she was very consumed with my sister and her needs. It is nice to finally be the one getting showered with all the attention. I just wish I was not such a burdon to her. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
Tony's lawyers finally contacted me about what he wants from the house. I am going to say they can only have what is on the list and nothing else. The sooner it is gone the better. I can not afford to pay for his stupid fish anymore. Plus I am tired of taking care of them.<p>There are two really good jobs that I have applied for...so everyone keep your wonderful prayers up. I know with all your wonderful help God will answer. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]