Hello,<P>I haven't posted in awhile...mostly been reading and working on my relationship. We've been reading the Give and Take book but for some reason she got bored of it. *shrug* I don't know how else to explain it.<P>Anyways, things seemed to be going good for about a month now. We hold hands, we say we love each other, we spend time with each other. The couseling has been going well. We've been learning how to communicate and stuff like that. The only thing lacking is the intimacy: kissing and sex.<P>Last night she told me that she's having a hard time letting go of the OM. She says he's in her thoughts constantly and views me now as a "friend" or "buddy". It's hard for her to kiss me and lose herself in me she says. Probably hard for her to get sexually aroused with me. She says it's easier with the OM.<P>I don't know what to make of this other than she's in withdrawl. It's been a month now. Also, she's been reading his online journals where he states how much he misses her and stuff. I guess this makes her feel bad and miss him too. I told her that wasn't a very good way to let him go. All contact means ALL contact. Even online journals.<P>As you can tell I'm in Plan A mode here. I plan to stay in plan A mode for as long as she can I guess. Although, she says that she knows deep down she made the right decision to stay with me and our baby, but she's confused to why it's been so hard to let go of the OM.<P>Wow...there is so much to say.<P>This morning she read an old peice of mail that her sister had from when she (my S) was married (she was previously married, now divorced) and living in NC. Her Ex-H cheated on her, so she cheated on him. The letter said they were reconciliating and going to couseling and she wasn't talking to the OM. Then she mentioned that she really was.<P>Deja Vu<P>I cheated on her when the going got tough, then I tried to mend my ways and reconciliate. We sort of did but she ended up cheating on me for 5 months with a full blown affair. Now we're going to couseling and supposedly she's not talking to the OM.<P>Gee...the story repeats itself doesn't it?<P>Now I'm so depressed. What do I do? *sigh*

Keep on with Plan A. You're doing just fine.<P>It's pretty early on and it takes a lot of time for this to work itself through. This is normal.<P>When you get tired, just come here. We'll listen. But for now, you need to be patient and loving and all those wonderful things you have been doing.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

Lori is right... keep strong with plan A...<P>But do consider (since you are in recovery...) discussing honestly with your W the... "extraordinary precautions must be taken to guarantee separation..."<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)<BR><LI> Blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)<BR><LI> Accounting for time<BR><LI> Accounting for money<BR><LI> Spending leisure time together<BR></OL>... and...The four rules to guide marital recovery<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<BR></OL><BR>... You can do it... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

lostandbroken,<P>Sorry you are so depressed. PlanA can really drain you, can't it. It is so hard to give so mucha nd get nothing or little of nothing back. <SIGH> It's just that right now your W doesn't have anything to give. She is expending her energies on getting through the withdrawal and over the OM. It is a MIGHTY struggle for her. I know this is hard ofr you to understand and to bear, but keep doing PlanA as best you can. Try not to expect ANYTHING right now. In time, as you keep encouraging and supporting her, she will come around more. If she keeps fighting with you for the marriage, then the sex and affection should come back.<P>Hard as it may be, try to continue to be patient. Her recovery will take as long as it takes.....Sorry!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>