It has been 10 years since my husband of 8 months at that time cheated on me. We managed to salvage our marriage, but as the years went on, we have grown lesser and lesser apart(intimately). He says it's me...I say it's him, etc. Even though I have forgiven him, and he says he is a different man now, I'm still hurting inside. I've become sensative to certain words, TV programs or commercials...basically anything that has any sexual content to it..even maybe a 'dirty joke'. I have a hard time trusting him when he is out of my sight...even though I believe that he isn't getting into anything. The only thing is, how long and is it possible for a man to live without sex? I mean, we just don't bother any more. It is sad, because we do love each other, but the intimacy is simply gone, and he refuses to believe it, saying, "I'm here if you want me". I feel like we are just room-mates, but he refuses to believe that. He just thinks that if we have sex..great. If not, oh well. I am at a loss for an answer to all this. Can anyone shed any light on this subject...cause I'm hurting like hell.
God bless [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I am sorry you're hurting [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] There is lots for you to learn here on these boards. Many people much further along the road than I who will have helpful advice. From what I do know, you have to acknowledge that both you and your husband have needs, emotional, sexual, etc. You need to be able to discuss those needs with each other. The book His Needs, Her Needs helped me understand those needs and how to discuss them. To fall in love again with your husband, and he with you (understanding that this is differently than caring for each other in the way you seem to at present i.e. your husband's comment "I'm here for you,") it will take work on your part, both of you, to understand your needs, share them with each other, and make it possible for you to meet those needs for each other. Only then can you really start to fall in love with each other again.<p>I wish you the best. You've come to a good place to learn.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by asgoodasitgets:
<strong>I am sorry you're hurting [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] There is lots for you to learn here on these boards. Many people much further along the road than I who will have helpful advice. From what I do know, you have to acknowledge that both you and your husband have needs, emotional, sexual, etc. You need to be able to discuss those needs with each other. The book His Needs, Her Needs helped me understand those needs and how to discuss them. To fall in love again with your husband, and he with you (understanding that this is differently than caring for each other in the way you seem to at present i.e. your husband's comment "I'm here for you,") it will take work on your part, both of you, to understand your needs, share them with each other, and make it possible for you to meet those needs for each other. Only then can you really start to fall in love with each other again.<p>I wish you the best. You've come to a good place to learn.</strong><hr></blockquote><p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I couldn't wait to log in today to see if there were any replies. I read what you said and to tell you the truth, I would like to read that book you mentioned...it's just that I don't think I could concentrate on it right now. I'm in a real deep depression. My doctor knows I am depressed and I have tried counseling and medication. They just don't do the trick. Yes, my husband and I have discussed this issue over and over, all the time about our problem. He seems to function from what I see, pretty well. He goes to college, works, and teaches High School as a substitute right now. The free time he does have, he tries to catch up on his sleep. He's always tired. (maybe that's a contributing factor) I don't know. I just know that I miss the 'us' that used to be. By the way, his cheating involved prostitutes, and even frequented strip clubs. He says it's all in the past, but it still feels like yesterday to me. Thank you for your words of comfort. Has anyone out there experienced a similar kind of situation? If so, I would really like to talk with them about how and if they got through it. God bless!