Before we continue, I found a definition from the book I wanted to share:<p>"Bold Love is courageously setting aside our personal agenda to move humbly into the world of others with thier well bing in view, willing to risk further pain in our souls, in order to be an aroma of life to some and an aroma of death to others. Boldly loving another with the energy of Christ does not produce the kind of destructive confrontation we often experience with others." <p>I know there is a passage of scripture which refers to this very same thing in a different way. Maybe one of you smart ladies could find it and share it please.<p>MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT LOVE
"All of us want out sometimes. Love is too hard; forgiveness seems impossible. Why try when our efforts to love seem to make matters worse: Even in our best relationships, the wounds of the battle hardly seem worth it sometimes. But it's hard for a human heart to live long or well without love. Love offers life. It softens the dark moments and keeps the heartbeat of hope alove, Love is both a mysterious friend and, at times, a terrible disappointment. Love one day satisfies and the next seems to strip the heart bare before the cold winds of betrayal. If we are honest, we often have mixed feelings about love."<p>This is so true. If we really examine our own experiences with love, we would not always find a rosy picture to paint. I had abusive parents who left me emotionally scared for life and trying to discover love in all the wrong places. I used sex and abused drugs for years trying to fill the void my parents left. I even married abusive men twice because I thought that THAT was what love was all about. Yet, we want to give and get love no matter what the consequences at times. <p>HOPE FOR LOVE
"Love, or even the hope of love, draws each person into the battle of life. Yet it is love, ot the loss of it, that causes us to question our desire to live. We are caught on the horns of a dilemma. We want love and want to love, but we are often suspecious and cynical toward love as a seducer and a betrayer. Nevertheless, most of us continue to plod forward, hoping the next experience of love will be different."<p>We cannot extinguish our desire to love no matter how convoluted our idea of love is. Hope is the key. We continue to try to love hoping that it will turn out better next time and/or the next time and so on. I also know that human love has always let me down. Even the love I thought I had for myself has ended up being very self-destructive. I have made bad choices based on what I thought was love. Yet I know now, that there is only one love that is pure and perfect. The love that exudes from our Lord and Savior. Of that I am certain. <p>THE POSSIBILITY OF LOVE
"Love may be necessary for the survival, but daily existence seems to make love impossible. Love is essential, but it seems maddeningly unreasonable. It is both what we desire and despise, wait for and ignore, work toward and sabotage.
Could it really be true that LOVE WITHOUT DIVINE INTERVENTION IS IMMPOSSIBLE? The old adage, "to err is human, to forgive divine" implies that one should not expect much more then a sin-riddled mess-unless something occurs outside the normal channels ofhuman relationship to bind up the wounds created by love's failure. Love is not possible, at least for long, without THE HEALING WORK OF FORGIVNESS."...."How do we really view the idea of forgiveness? What have we done to derail the kind of forgiving love that enters the fray of betrayal and brokenness with bold, courageious desire for the kind of reconciliation that redeems all the Evil One's efforts to destroy? Forgiving love does not merely get one through tough times or give purpose to the daily grind of life. FORGIVING LOVE IS THE INCONCEIVABLE, UNEXPLAINABLE PURSUIT OF THE OFFENDER BY THE OFFENDED FOR THE SAKE OF RESTORED RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, SELF AND OTHERS. It is the kind of love that has fallen on hard times in our self-oriented take-care-of-yourself age. Few, if any, question the importance of love, but the idea that we need to love others rather then ourselves is more readily thought to be a symptom of sickness called codependency."<p>I think true forgiveness starts with divine sacrifice. Jesus' death on the cross to give us life is our example. He gave so we might have. He loves us so we can give love to others.<p>Now, I don't believe sacrificial love means being a door-mat or victim. And that is not the meaning given here, allthough some churches may teach that turning the other cheek means giving until you become a victim. True bold love includes ALL of God's attributes to hold true. God loves with everlasting kindness, but He also rebukes, corrects and directs when needed. When Paul was struck with that intense light on the way to Damascus, he not only had truth revealed to him but he suffered fear, doubt and complete blindness for several days. And some think, the vision he saw of Jesus that day left him with permanent eye problems. Sometimes revealing truth to someone who is on a path of destruction can be painful as well as lifesaving. God's love is like that. Sacrificial yet so revealingly honest it can hurt.
_________________________________________________
I want to thank you ladies for being patient with me. I am learning how to live these principles, and am suffering consequences myself right now becuase of it. My husband found out that I am getting counsling for the abuse that he is perpetrating upon me. He is outraged that I included that my son also has suffered at his vebal and physical displays of anger. He was so angry, that he threw together a couple of things 2 hours ago and sped out of here. In his tirade, he mentioned that he was going camping early, he was planning on leaving Wed. I am so thankful that God protected me from his ourburst being physical. My husband knows that if he ever touches me in anger agian that I will leave. So, I think God's angels held his hands back. I am not able to financially hold my own right now. And my son is not going into the Marines till October....so I know God is protecting me right now and I am so grateful.<p>Anyway, now I get to really practice what I am preaching. I can forgive him for the past abuses. And have for the most part. But he doesn't want to learn how to stop the behavior. I have let him know in many ways that he is hurting me and our son by it, but he never has listened before. But now he knows it's not a secrete anymore and I am seeking help. I am praying that this will be the turning point needed for him to start to take responsibility for his poor behavior and change it. I can only pray and put it in God's hands. <p>God Bless,
Bev

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>2Cor 2:14 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.
15 For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.
16 To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?
17 Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God.<hr></blockquote><p>They are such awesome word pictures. What a wonderful reminder for me this week as God surrounds my loved one with His word from many resources. A word that my husband does not hear. I could not believe the sermon yesterday as statements were made that were so outrightly pertinent to our relationship, so boldly stated that I was in shock, yet the speaker knew nothing of my situation....I was so encouraged and blessed, so touched at how much God loves me and affirms my desire for steadfastness in light of the uglies within my home. He is giving me such strength to speak with a quiet voice, to stick to the truth with respect and though my dear one is angrier and angrier, I know he is just stumbling right now and his pride keeps him from admitting the truth to himself and me. The Lord is making him squirm something awful and though a part of me praises God for it, another part of me is experiencing a compassion beyond understanding, knowing that a God thing is happening right before my eyes. What a humbling thing. <p>I am so glad you are all walking through this with me. It is such an encouragement.

SueB,
I think that after 20 yrs of struggling with my husband's behavior, I have fallen out of love with him. It may sound crass but I think it is true. Romantically and emotionally, I am not able to give of myself to him. I recoil inside due to the amount of pain I have experienced at his hands and words. I feel guilty because of this. I feel inadaquate and at times, unworthy of even God's love. <p>I prayed just this morning for God to love him enough for me too because it is so hard to get through the pain I am experiencing to love him. I know God understands. I am forgiving him the best way I know how, and of course that too is inadaquate. <p>I pray also that God will cut through the walls of protection I have built up. That I will be able to continually respond to my husband in a loving way, with respect and compassion yet with the kind of love that only God can give me for him. I am warn out. It is getting old. If not for holding onto God's promises, I would lose hope.

I can only tell you what God has been teaching me this past year. Since my H's behavior is often very foolish, it is equally inappropriate and if I focused on that as I have in the past, I admit that my love for him has diminished much... Though scripture says to respect him, I have felt more apppalled and disgusted than in awe...in fact, I have been in awe that he can be so arrogant and yuchy! LOL What God has been showing me though is that I am still called to honor and respect the position that God has placed my H in. <p>I love the freedom we have to be so brutally honest with the Father about our feelings and our hurts and our desires and the struggles of the flesh we have. God began softening my heart towards my H through the Power of a Praying Wife, then He showed me my own failures in not be self-disciplined and setting boundaries in love. That As James describes, I have been wishy washy in trying to keep the peace rather than in love setting limits which build up rather than tear down. <p>The ladies here have been wonderful sounding boards as I trudged through this process and now God brings me to this book, to love my H in spite of his making poor choices and utilizing inappropriate behavior, to learn how to speak the truth in love and in gentleness and to not be concerned about how my H reacts to it, that my job as his helper is to be honest and truthful and that how he responds to it is between him and God. <p>Whether or not our H's deal with their own issues is not important but God is calling us to be responsible and accountable for our own behavior and actions and that is what I see Him working on me about, to see the joy in spite of the crazies and to become wise and obedient to love as He loved. I have so much to learn that I don't have time to worry about what my H is or isn't doing, and I think that was one of the points the Lord wanted me to see.<p>Again thanks for taking the time to highlight the book. I do hope others will get the book and also to highlight what God is teaching each of them.

Oops- Duplicated<p>[ March 11, 2002: Message edited by: SueB ]</p>

SueB,
I understand all you are saying intelectually, but my emotions have not been able to grasp how to live it. I have lost much respect for my husband. So much so that it seems that when I do give him any respect he somehow just uses it to bolster his own purposes to be able to abuse me even more. I don't know how he does this, but I can tell you it smacks of being downright evil. I want my heart to do what my spirit asks, but it just ain't there yet. I keep praying for a breakthrough.<p>I can appreciate where your at SueB. I am not sure if I can get there. I feel worthless now knowing that I am not honoring my husband in the same way you say you are. I feel like a failure. And maybe in many ways, I am. <p>Thanks for your wisdom and love,<p>God Bless,
Bev<p>[ March 11, 2002: Message edited by: frstrtd ]</p>

Oh sweetie, you are not worthless! You are a daughter of the king and pure and holy and you are here because you desire that His will be your will as we all do and we have banded here in this place to pray for and to encourage one another and to learn how to love the way the Lord loves us. <p>I don't know if you have read through any of our posts on Boundaries but you can tell from there that we have walked many miles together seeking His face and His will for our lives. I had to ask the Lord to love my husband because I just couldn't right now/ I asked for wisdom in knowing when to keep my mouth shut and to be able to discern when my H was pulling me into his trap which led to greater abuse. I pray for that soft and gentle voice that speaks in all truth to come out of my mouth no matter what and to not respond when my H screams and yells and stomps around here. I focus on my response only. I have failed so many times in looking to my own interests, those things that God calls me to do that right now I need to be more focused now so that I don't miss those blessings God places in my path. I sure hope this doesn't sound preachy 'cause I have been on such a road that is so hard to believe sometimes. <p>2TI 1:1212] That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.

SueB,
I just woke up from a tranquilized sleep. I came here wanting some encouragement. Your "preaching" helped. I also wanted to let you and others know that my husband called my son when I was asleep and said it was to cold to camp and he is coming home. Don't know when that will be. Any minute I think.<p>Anyway, if I don't post for a while, please keep me in your prayers. My husband has some notion that if not for the emailing and net systom, I would not be giving him all these problems. (Something akin to the old keep em barefoot and pregnant theory) Anyway, either he will be watching over me like a hawk (you know the old if I can control her it will all be OK thing)making it very difficult to write or he will just pull the plug on the serivce out of spite. At this point, I don't know what he will do. Just guessing.<p>So please pray for my husband also. That God will touch his heart in a way that it has never been touched before and his eyes and heart could be opened to the real God enlightened truth about his foolish ways. <p>I thank you Lord for these wonderful ladies here and the way you have used their strengh and shared experience to touch me. Your lovingkindness is better then life. I am so grateful to know that I am in Your care Lord. How sweet the aroma of Your words and Your love. Please be with my husband as he discovers truths which may be to difficult for him to know. Love him, help him and be with him now. I pray Your purposes are fulfilled in this relationship and that Your love becomes the focal point, not our pain. Thank You Lord for Your Grace and Mercy. <p>God Bless,
Bev

Father God, the evil one wants to tear us down and he waits on the continual prowl for our moments of weakness and discouragement to strengthen his attack. Father I ask for increased protection on our sister Bev, that you cover her with a hedge of thorns that keeps all evil from her. I ask that her mind be protected so that only clear thought of you and the love you have for her stays in the center of everything. Provide others to surround her for encouragement, let the darkness of her life be exposed to the light, break down the barriers of darkness and first and formost Father, let your love pour down on her husband and thaw the hardness of his heart. Break through and allow the love that they experienced in the beginning of their relationship to rekindle, soften their hearts so that all bitterness will melt away. Strengthen Bev with a love for her husband that supercedes all hurt, a compassion for those places where he is lost and those areas where he behaves foolishly. Create in her a heart clothes in dignity and gentleness so that all words out of her mouth will only be for building up. (Eph 4:29) Help her to speak boldly in love in those areas that needs addressing and to be silent in those areas where talking will not resolve anything. Give her wisdom and the patience that comes with wisdom so that your peace permeates her countenance throughout the day. Let her experience the joy of her children and help her to see your blessings throughout the day. In all things Father, be glorified in this marriage. IJN, Amen.

Hi SueB and everyone who is reading,<p>God is so good. I saw my husband pass me on the road to go home this morning as I left for work. I called him from work about a phone message he recieved and I saved so he could retrieve it. He was very somber yet still filled with energy. He asked if I was OK and I said yes. He then calmly told me he was over being angry, but he was still hurt. I politley thanked him for letting me know that....and said nothing else about it. Then we discussed an issue about our son and he excitedly told me about a new camping place he discovered. He said he would not be home when I got there. That this was just a pit stop on his way back out again to camp on the beach down south. I was relieved. God knows we both need more time apart. <p>I have been praying almost non-stop for 2 days before we spoke. The holy spirit directed every word I am sure because non of the 'old thinking' cropped up and hence, my words were very non-confrontive. In fact I spoke a lot less then usual. I am in awe at how God can take a weak damaged vessel like myself and give me the strength to pour out compassion even in the midst of such pain, anxiety and turmoil.<p>I also am surrounded by 3 wonderful women who are perfect support for me. I am totally blessed. My prayers continue to be answered. I feel God's presence and protection as I have never felt before. Not because He wasn't there for me before, but because I was to blind to be aware of it. He is gently pulling the scales off my eyes with each passing moment.<p>SueB, I read only the 1st page of the Boundries thread you reccommended. It is too much for me to read more then that right now. And even just the 1st page was too much for me to take in and comprehend with clarity. I think there is probrably much information there I can benefit from. Thank you for leading me to it. I will continue to read it as I can. Although I am not familiar with what BIM is. Could you please enlighten me?<p>I am too exhausted to continue. God bless you for your prayers for me. <p>As a last addendum, I am not sure that it is my place to continue the study in Bold Love. I need to pray about it and seek God's will in this. God is searching my heart and it may be that I am only doing it out of selfish interests and not with the true humble heart of a servant leader. I think it may be best for me to really meditate and pray on what Peter had to say...
'Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will exalt you in due time....cast all of your cares on Him and He will care for you" <p>God Bless,
Bev

You know I believe that God uses us for His own purpose so even though you may feel that you are doing the Bold LOve series for personal purposes, as I admit I was during the BIM aka Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and ???? Townsend, God used the ladies to help me to focus on the lessons given so that I stayed on track to apply the lessons in my life as well as to encourage and to provide examples to the ladies so that we all grew together. <p>I will respect whatever decision you make but I am hoping that someone besides myself lead it this time so that I can see this book from someone else's perspective to keep me focused.<p>And I praise God for how he is helping you already
This is very exciting to see the spirit work in our lives. I will continue to lift you up in prayer as it helps me to remember to keep my mouth shut as well in my relationship. My email address has changed from the BIM days: It is now ellenr86@hotmail.com for those who wish to write separately.

Hi all and especially Frstrd,<p>It is a blessing to see how God is working in your life. It is the same in mine. This week in my Bible study someone mentioned that playing the piano "pianisimo" (softly and gently) takes much more control than playing it loud and fast. But the effect is beautiful, soft and gentle. That reminded me of how hard it can be and how much control is needed to respond in a gentle and quiet spirit - but how beautiful! And that is what our very circumstances are providing for us - opportunities for God to build this gentle and soft spirit in us. He is making something beautiful in us - that we might live life to the fullest and for His glory.<p>Going along with this is the story of Samson I read this week in my Daily Walk readings. Samson lived a life of unfulfilled potential. His lack of self-control (fulfilling his own passions and also desire to take his own revenge when wronged) eventually resulted in blindness and bondage. <p>Lastly, but fitting with all the rest, comes from a little booklet I'm reading called "Forgiveness, Healing the Harbored Hurts of your Heart". Stockpiling hurts in our hearts brings about bitterness. "Like a poisonous vine, bitterness can wrap itself around our emotions, penetrate our thoughts, and choke the life from our soul. Bitterness robs us of joy and peace. It hijacks us; taking us places we never wanted to go, doing things we never wanted to do, and making us people we never wanted to be." (A lot of us, I'm sure, have become angry women we never wanted to be).<p>Dealing with our hurts is very important or we will destroy our lives and live with unfulfilled potential, as Samson did. There are steps in the booklet to dealing with the harbored hurts, but I won't go into it now.<p>Sorry, frstrd, if this was too much. I know you said you are exhausted. I know well that feeling, too. And it is good to take times of rest, even from trying to figure things out so much. I do hope you will want to continue the study on Bold Love. I know it is blessing all who read here. But it is up to you and God. I don't have the book - trying not to read in to many different ones, but I've enjoyed reading the discussions here about it. <p>Bless you and all the Ladies here. Prayer is the key - as you have experienced also. It is all of HIM!

"Boldly loving another with the energy of Christ does not produce the kind of destructive confrontation we often experience with others."<p>I think I skimmed over this part of the study way to fast in an effort to NOT have to face the truth of it in my own experiences with my H. A lot of my problems stem from not relying upon the "energy of Christ" when engaging in comment or conversation with my husband. I have been questioning his integrity with biting words, confronting his anger with my own bitterness and allowing his controlling ways to controll me....which is the very thing that I wanted to escape! I defined my 'being' by his actions and words instead of valuing myself as God does no matter how I percieve my husband values me. This has been a bittersweet realization for me and one which has given me little rest of late. I am excited on one hand that God is showing me just how sinfully abusive I have been(even if it was in retaliation which doesn't make it right)and that He forgives me and loves me anyway because of Jesus'love and sacrifice on the cross. I am having the eyes of my heart opened and God's forgiveness (instead of my sin) and His correction and direction are becoming my focal point. On the other hand, I know just how deep my need to love and to be loved is and how ingrained it is within me to fight for that love using my misguided energy to fight for it instead of "the energy of Christ". I have some very bad habits that need to be cleansed and replaced with the attitude and bold love of Christ. This is scarey for me. I have been so abused all my life that to have enough faith to allow God to deliver me from the pain of anymore is not easy for me to do. I want to either flee or lash out. But through His Word, Mercy and Grace, I know I can be assured that He will see me through. My faith has grown 10 fold in these past few days, but so much more is needed. <p>I dread any further destructive confrontations. There is no good in them. Although my husband may not be on the same page as myself when we meet again (he will be coming home tomorrow he said) I pray fervently that with all the faith I have now, I will learn how to avoid the same destructive behaviors which got me here to begin with. As much as I want love from him, I must also be willing to forgive him as God forgives me, love him and move onto the better path that God has for me to walk. This is no easy task. But God is patient and what has taken the world years to perpetrate upon me, only God can take away. I must also remember, that this is true for my husband to. God loves Him as much as He loves me. <p>Ladies, my heart is so warmed to read how much you care for me and are willing to help. I don't know you. You have never seen me nor heard my voice, but you care. It is such a God thing. I am grateful for all the supportive understanding and encouragement. <p>I have been up since 3am this morning. I am beyond exhausted. Yet even in my anxious physical state I know God's peace abides in me. <p>I am still praying about the study. I want to continue it. But it must be delayed a day or 2 more until I can gain balance and know for sure how to proceed.<p>Your prayers and words are a welcome soothing balm. <p>God Bless,
Bev

frstrtd, please don't worry about gaps inbetween posts, if that's part of your concern. Here it is Thursday and this is the first chance I've had to read the thread. But you know what? I found the book at the library and read the first chapter. I'm on a pretty tight schedule myself, but I'll try to hang in with y'all if the study continues. I appreciate the book recommendation and the beginning of something good here. Here's the paragraph that really got my attention on page 30:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Without question, a common perversion of love is dependent, demanding, and soulless in its giving, so that, in fact, it ceases to be love. What an odd thought -- love that is not loving. It is obvious that what we call love might be little more than a slightly veiled, self-interested demand for appreciation and respect. <hr></blockquote><p>My first thought is... that describes my H! Upon further inspection of myself, though, I can see room for LOTS of improvement. I'm having a very difficult time right now determining how to behave with my H. We've been separated almost two months. He comes by once a week to do a load of wash. He's losing weight. He looks terrible. As far as I know, he has no stove or refrigerator, yet he spent two weeks' pay at radio shack, the memo said music. Before he moved out, he had two appointments at the veteran center. I don't know if he still goes or not. He needs the counselling as much as he needs financial benefits (to which he's entitled but refuses to participate). His eyesight is getting bad, and he won't go to the eye doctor. He has a family history of diabetes, and he's never been screened for it. I used to cut his hair, and now he gets it cut maybe twice a year. I used to slide into the mother hen role with him, and it remains difficult to stand down from that role. I told him he needs to show me that he can at LEAST take care of himself if we're to have any future together. It's one of the things I told him when negotiating our separation. Now, a future with me doesn't seem to interest or matter to him. <p>frstrtd, did you say you've read the whole book? If I keep going, will I find guidance in how to deal with my H appropriately? He is such a tough nut!

Hi lonesomeheart.
Thank you for letting me know its OK to slow down....I have a tendancy to be a bit manic at times and think that it all has to be done NOW! One of my weaknesses. <p>Toward the last part of the book, there is a part which identifies 3 different types of persons....the foolish sinner, the evil sinner, the normal "sinner". There are definite identifiable patterns. I have found that I know all 3 types, I think we all do. Within each section, there is a description of each type as well as possble helpful ways to deal with each one. No magic panacea here. Just some simple yet deep spiritually practical applications that CAN be applyed in difficult situations. Each person is of course unique and each situation seperate so generalizations are avoided as much as possible. AND please, resist reading the end first for there is so much great information that is needed to read before you get to the last part. <p>I need to get to work now. Sleep was still fitfull last night, but with the help of some medication, I was able to get more. My heart is anxious about my husband returning today. Please pray for a good reunion.<p>God Bless,
Bev

Hello Ladies,
I am alive and well. <p>My H came home and we kinda sorta discussed things. Well, it was more like he talked, I listened. I don't think that I need to say anymore. I have already said it all at least once and he knows it. Anyway, my H basically admitted that yes indeed, he has been a ...this is his terminology, not mine...'[censored]' and maybe it is time for him to change. Well, knock me over with a feather! So, I left it at that, said nothing, took him to a movie and had a great day! Time will tell if he means it. <p>I am suffering with pre-menapause, or at least I think so. I will be seeing a doctor this Monday and having a complete check up for this. Menstraul cycle is every 2-3 weeks, is very light and I am sooooooo weirded out! I feel drained continuously even while taking all kinds of vitamins and mineral supplements. I am losing weight more rapidly then usual and I am weepy one day and elated the next! I have been sleeping a whole lot more too. Time to get the ole' hormones checked! <p>I have also worked 6 days last week and may be doing the same for the next 2 weeks too. My life has been turned upside down latley! I am so grateful that God is holding onto me. I can feel His grip through all of this and have more peace iside then ever. <p>I will really try to continue the study, it just will have to wait until I get the time. So sorry for the delay. Maybe for those of you who need to get the book, this will be a good pause in the study to allow you to do that. <p>I am grateful for your prayers and patience. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>God Bless,
Bev

My book just came. Can't wait to start reading.

Welcome Karenna and hello to everyone...I am looking forward to being able to get back to the study soon. I have today off...yeaaaah! But I also have an appointment in about 30 min. and a very dirty house that needs to be cleaned. Also, my husband is still home on vaca and when he hangs out it makes it hard to do this study. <p>confession time....I have started smoking again due to all the stress.(just in the past 2 weeks) Not a lot, 2-3 cigs a day for now. I know some of you smoke, but I have given it up 2ce before and now, it looks like I will need to do it a 3rd time. I hate smoking. But I like the distraction it seems to offer if for only a moment or two. I also think it is a part of my rebellious nature. I feel so guilty about it that I can't even pray right. Isn't that sad??<p>Got any suggestions or helpful words of wisdom for me ladies???<p>Thanks and God Bless,
Bev

I think I am in perimenopause too! I read a decent book called "The Change Before the Change." Now I know what to ask the doctor on my next visit.<p>Advice: Don't forget to take care of yourself!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>GAL 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
<hr></blockquote><p>This is the verse that I clung to while stopping smoking. In the process of not wanting to be burdened by that yoke of slavery again, I also praised God during those times when I wanted to smoke after rebuking Satan. I celebrated my first anniversary on Feb 28. I cannot begin to express the freedom I feel and how I still tear up when I see what God has done in breaking this yoke. I was smoking 2-4 packs a day....<p>I also have realized a couple other things. When I smoked, I often stopped to have a cig break and now when I do not smoke, I wasn't giving myself permission to have that break, so now I do take 5 here and there to sit and breath deeply, to feel myself relax and to appreciate things around me. <p>Hi Karenna, so glad to see your smiling face!