I find it hard to wear my wedding ring. Don't get me wrong, I love wearing it, it means the world to me. But since my H is still having his afair, I don't feel like he deserves for me to wear it. This bothers him alot. Has anyone else taken off there ring? <P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<P>

Hi, I am still wearing my wedding ring, even though my H has been having an affair for 18 months and I have known for just over a year. The reason being that I don't want to attract unwelcome attention at the moment. I am not available so I don't want to appear so. I just realised that my H does take his off on occasions which does hurt but I still do wear mine and will continue to do so until (and if) my marriage is ever over. Everyone is different though and I can't say what is right or wrong, I just am giving you my view on this. I do understand what you are saying though, as I do often look at my ring and remember all the promises and every one of them is now broken and this was a symbol and a token of our love and does it mean anything anymore. Call me an old romantic but I just can't take it off just yet.

Hey, Viki. I'm still wearing mine. <P>I never even thought about taking them off, even when he removed his. I'm still married and I still love my husband, at least the one I USED to have.<P>Until I'm not, they are actually a comfort to me. Strange, isn't it? But, for some reason they are.<P>Lori

viki<BR>I took my wedding rings off in March after I found out contact had continued. He put them on my finger on Mother's day. Then in July he had his little rendez vous with the needy little bimbo. Have only been able to wear them a couple of times since then. Gunshy!<BR>Even though I would say we are recovering nicely I am a little more hesitant to believe. <BR>

Hello viki, I do not wear mine either. I took them off when I found out about the last affair. I tried to wear them a couple times, but did not feel quite right.<BR>We are doing great in the marriage, recovering well. It will be fine. But the rings...may never be put back on my finger.

H never really wore his, and i can't even remember when i took mine off,, but i never wear it. for a long time, i wore my diamond earrings he gave me, that meant more to me than the ring, but several months ago, i lost a backing for one. miraculously, it did not fall out the whole day, but i still took it as a "sign" to take them off. he found the bakcing later, but i dont know where it is now. i told him if things got better, i'd get a new one, and that if he put on his ring again (not the one from his whatever previous marriage it was, the one WE bought to gether after the wedding), then i would put mine on again. sometimes i wore it when i was pregnant, but only to certain social gatherings.<BR>i am still without adornment <P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>

viki,<P>H and I both took them off when he left this second time - 6 1/2 weeks ago. For the first separation, which lasted 3 mos., H wore the ring awhile and then didn't for a while. I wore it the entire time except for a couple days when I was in a snit. I don't feel I have a H right now, so that is why I don't wear the ring. He isn't acting like a married man!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hi<P>To ring or not to ring? I choose not to. It bothers H that I don't. I guess I like the power, but truthfully they don't mean the same anymore. I learned of H's affair on July 5th. I took off rings and put them away that day. I hope to give them to my children one day under better curcumstances. I wore those rings as a reminder of the oath we took. We were married on the beach in Hawaii and I cherished our unity. What a chum I am. H had a 3 month affair with a 19 year old college student. He is 45. We are in recovery now, but the oath we took on the beach needs to be revised, updated. I would like to wear a wedding ring again one day, but not the one from before/affair. We need new vowels, new promises and big change.

I'm glad to see I'm not alone. My H doesn't understand why I won't wear them. They are different now. H thinks it's because I like the attention I get, looking single (he calls it). He can't understand that the last thing I need in my life right now is another man. <BR>Why do you think it bothers H so much, he doesn't wear his either. <P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<P>

Viki, <BR> I still wear mine. It's more of a symbol of my commitment to Arik than anything else. A "funny" thing happened in regards to our rings about a week after he told me about their sexual encounter. Arik doesn't wear his ring very often, he can't at work because it always gets caught on the selving units that he has to move around. On this particular day I was sitting at the kitchen table when our 4 year old son came in. I was looking at my rings when he said "Mommy why don't you take your rings off ever?" I just said that mommy's rings stay on and that's just it. In his 4 year old innocense he says "but Daddy's ring comes off." It meant nothing to him, he didn't understand but there was so much more meaning behind what he said than just the words.<P>Anyway I just wanted to repeat that my rings will probably stay on as long as I am committed to Arik and our marriage.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>

Viki,<P>I'm with Lori on this... wearing mine!<BR>It's an individual decision...<P>Jim

Both wife and I were wearing ours until we separated. The day we separated we placed or rings in a God box. Her idea. Since then God has slowly been working His miracle in her.I have to tell ya I feel naked without it. If you don't know what a God box is it is Abox in our case a beautiful water pitcher, that you put things you want God to take care of. Generaly one would write them on a piece of paper and simbolicly surrender them to God's care. When we put ours in the"box" we both got on our knees and I prayed for God to work His miracle on our marriage, and when we took the rings out the pitcher would pour out God's love for us and our love for each other. When I finished we were both crying and hugged each other for some time. This was the first emotion she had shown in a mnonth. Since the time the walls around her feelings have been eroding. She told her sister that her feelings for me were coming back stronger than ever, and she was too scared to give into them. That was last week. since then we has had some wonderful conversations. I have reasured her she has nothing to fear I am committed to our marriage, however she is still stubborn and wants to fix things her way. I do believe we will be reunited and our marriage restored, it's just going to take time.<P>I didn't mean to spill my guts on your thread, I saw your question and me responce became drawn out.<P>Best Of Luck To Us All,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I decided to take mine off. The wedding rings mean way too much to wear when trust is broken. My H never wore his, said they didn't allow them at work around machinery. That enabled him to convince the OW he wasn't married initially! Well anyway, it shook H up when I took mine off. 6 months later he bought me a new setting with the original stones and several new ones. That said alot to me. No, you can't do away with 30 years of marriage but truly after an affair the original life together is dead and you start all over again. Thats my experience anyway. Doesn't the ring signify an unbroken circle of love?<P>------------------<BR>eyes wide open<BR>

I feel the same way. I want so very much to be able to put my rings back on, I just can't yet. We have had some wonderful talks lately, but the OW is still in the picture. <P>------------------<BR>To thy own self be true.<BR>*Viki<P><BR>

When I discovered and for months afterward, I wanted to fling my rings in the lake. I'd imagine how good it would feel to do it. I guess it was more from the idea that our old marriage was dead and I wanted a new marriage. He had also told me he had changed his mind during engagement, but married me anyway (mostly revisionist history, I know believe). Anyway, I hated those rings on my hand, but since no one knew about the affair, I kept them on so no one would ask questions.<P>During this time my H, who hadn't worn his band for years, put it on at my request. Initially he couldn't wear it for work, but then just didn't. He says he doesn't like jewelry and does not wear any, so I think this was the truth. Brazen hussy B**** knew he was married, anyway, so it made no difference.<P>Well, about a month ago, I noticed one of my prongs was bent, so I took off my rings (soldered together). I haven't been in to a jeweler yet (I really want a new setting). NO ONE HAS EVEN MENTIONED THEY ARE EVEN MISSING. Oh, well.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Whether you can wear the rings or not is a personal decision. Just remember to at all times act like you are married! Some women need their rings to remind them, some don't.

I wish I still had mine. There was a time when the baby and I were homeless and she needed diapers and food. So I took them to the pawn shop so I could provide for her. If I did have them, yes I would wear them. Since I'm hoping for a reconciliation and we are divorced how neat it would be for him to propose to me!! He has his and I heard from a friend he put it on his keyring just recently. Really ticked off his live-in. She asked why did he do that and he didn't have an answer for her. I'm hanging onto that piece of hope!!

Viki,<BR>I keep mine on because it symbolizes my commitment to her and God. She has taken hers off because she is angry with me saying that I want to control her. I just keep interrupting her plans to have additional affairs. This makes me controlling because I keep getting in the way.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

I still have mine on & I will until (if) a divorce is final & then she gets it back.<P>I gave her a 3/4 carat diamond on our 19 anniversary 5 Jan (10 days after I found out. I thought about tossing that into the trash, but it was for the last 19 years (which I thought was good) and not for the future (if there is one ) She wore it about three weeks until she left and hasn't had it on since.<P>I asked if she pawned it. She said she wants to give it to one of the girls. I COULD have said, "a wedding ring i supposed to mean something. It means nothing to you so why give it to the girls if it's garbage?" but I didn't (it would definitely be a love buster).<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

I was waiting to see if Chris would reply, I knew his answer My rings went on and off with the mood, until "the day". The day I turned it all over to God, they were on then and will remain on forever till death or divorce do us part!