I just got through talking H. He was very insecure. We have been distant these past few days. I told him that the episode with OM friday was bothering me. He said that "OM was just a punk" And he was going to get his bubble busted. <P>He said that OM was probably going in the restaurant with the guys saying "You seen who was in the parking lot didnt you" He said that was how OM is getting off. Was the idea that I wanted him.<P>He said he knew that was bothering me. He said "OM was proud of the affair" and that I was ashamed. He siad he expected the OMs behavior to bother me. Because it made me look like a tramp. And that it should bother me. <P>I told him that I hated all the things that OM was doing. Because it is just a slap in my face. And that is what it feels like. He said that the only way OM was going to leave me alone. Was for me or him to take action. I told him not to do a thing. <P>I told him I want the satisfaction of doing it. He said that in OMs eyes, all of his buddies and he are thinking he is the stuff. Because he made it look like it was all me. And that I wanted him only, <P>So this is what Im going to do. <BR>IM TIRED OF HIM PURPOSLEY PULLING UP BESIDE ME AT THE RED LIGHT AND PULLING ALL THE STUNTS THAT HE HAS.<P>They eat at the restaurant on Friday. My mother and I are going there for lunch. After they get all settled in. Im going over to there table and talk to all my "Friends" . (I use to always go to lunch with them, before OM).<P>Im just going to say "hey how is everyone". Then I am going to ask OM how he is. Then I am going to tell him. This is the deal.<BR>Now you can leave me alone, or I can let H take care of it. Or I can also call your W and make her aware. <BR>Im tired of you running my name through the mud. I was not the only one at fault here. And I understand that you wanted it to look that way. But I am sorry I am here to fix it. <BR>Now you can leave me alone and let it be. Or we can go to another stage. .. The ball is in your court now..<BR>You know that i did not beg you to leave your W. <BR>Nor did I do any of the other lies that you have told.<BR>You can quit chasing me down the road and so on..<P>Do you think this will get the message across.<BR>H thinks it will make me feel better, since he has made me out to be a tramp. And it will shut him up, if I Humiliate him in front of his buddies.....<P>Suggestions??<P><BR>

How about if you & your H sit down and write a "No Contact" letter. If OM continues to harrass you, then go to the police station and file a report.

I vote for the letter first...<P>Let your H help write it...<P>Use the policy of joint agreement..<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

inamess,<P>I have to agree too...<P>Write the <B>"How to tell a lover that the relationship is over"</B> letter (draft on page 58-59 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>.<P>Add to it that you will need to stop harassment through legal means... if necessary.<P> <P>Jim<P>PS to Lacee's message...<BR>I didn't give you site for the "separation letter"... if you need to see a sample... contact me at my e-mail imherczeg@yahoo.com .<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited February 02, 2000).]

Hon, I am so afraid that if you confront him in public, it will only make him more angry and vendictive towards you. I KNOW how much you want to reach out and shake the crap out of him!! But, being the type of person he is, he would probably start saying things back to you right there that would only make you angrier. You just might end up in a screaming match in a restaurant! Then you would end up looking like the one in the wrong since you went to their table. I don't think it is a good idea. <P>You can put all those things you want to tell him into a no contact letter. If his friends are encouraging him to bother you, I'd be half tempted to give all of them a copy. Just so they know that his butt will be slapped with a restraining order so fast that he won't know what hit him. I don't know what others here might think of that.. Maybe you should ask what everyone thinks about it.<P>He is trying to get you to do something, at least that is what I think. So far, you have been strong and not given in to his wishes. I think he is going nuts because you will not react or talk to him and that is getting to him big time. <P>Get the letter written to him and delivered. Renee, does he know that your H knows about him? If you haven't talked with him at all, then he probably doesn't. Imagine the shock on his face when he sees that letter signed by you and your H? lol I'd pay to see that! <P>Let me know how it goes. Go to the site NSR gave you and start writing. Take care, you know you can e-mail me anytime!<P>Lacee