<BR>Hi all, This is a question from <BR>both Life and Trying Hard -and we <BR>are doing just that, trying hard <BR>to get our lives back! Need some <BR>help. <P>Brief background for those not <BR>familiar with our story:<P>H had 6-month affair.<BR>Partial disclosure in August. <BR>Full disclosure after ow sent <BR>letters, notes, tickets, etc to w <BR>in mail. <BR>Crazy ow is pregnant and due in <BR>jan, phone call and physical <BR>harrassment have occured often.<BR>Court cases pending. <BR>H left business. <BR>Business is large source of <BR>trouble between H & W for many <BR>reasons, primarily b/c ow has <BR>access and friends at H work. <P>Question: Should H go back to <BR>business after court cases are <BR>dismissed (11.30 hopefully)?<BR>Should H place himself in this <BR>close proximity to ow knowing <BR>that she will stop by or call <BR>him? Does H's need to earn income <BR>in this way outway the prospect <BR>of begining new life new job,and <BR> rebuilding? (Selling business <BR>was issue discussed and agreed <BR>upon over summer if we were to <BR>reconcile) Should option of <BR>earning $$ in other capacity be <BR>considered? Keep in mind that <BR>rebuilding is not 100% at this <BR>point. There are issues about <BR>selling a business and starting a <BR>new career when reconciliation is <BR>uncertain. Business is large <BR>issue in this affair for multiple <BR>reasons to long to list including <BR>location where affair started and <BR>grew.<P>Lots of questions, looking for <BR>objective opinions. Any thoughts? <BR>We both thank you as we move <BR>along a road we wish we didn't <BR>have to be on. As trying hard <BR>says. peace and love.

Life, <P>In the book Surving An Affair, Dr. Harley talks about this very issue. To loosely paraphrase: Extreme mearuses must be taken to separate permanitly from OP, they do include changing jobs and moving to a new city. Also reconciliation is hopeless while an EA is ongoing. And finally marital recovery won't begin until withdrawl from OP has ended. Re read the basic concepts in this matter. That should answer alot of your questions.<P>I hope I helped,<BR>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Life & Trying Hard<P>Bill is right...<BR>(quotes right out of the book ... )<P>I personally think you two need to assess where you want to be... Is the money from the business what you really want? Is it possble to remove the OW from the business? How serious are you about rebuilding the marriage (what kind of commitment have you made to each other?)<P>These are questions you need to address early on... whether you want to use Dr. Harley's principles or not!<P>Prayers for your decisions... <P>Jim

Thanks for the advice. We will revisit the basic concepts. Basic but on the money. You raise very good points about the money and distancing from ow. We'll keep you posted.