When he is coming home in march he is going to file...he told me if I fought it he would try to take the kids.... I just spent the last three hours huddled on the floor crying and shaking...The man who I love with every thing I am doesn't want me any more...all my fighting for our family is worthless he dose not care...now I have to tell my children tomorrow...God give me strength...its over<BR>Lesa<BR>I do wish everyone success in their fight to mend their marriages, and to those who are doing so right now,I am truly happy for you even though I wish it was me,but please beleive me I am happy for you and your family more power to you.<P><BR>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net <P><p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited February 02, 2000).]

LMS,<P>God bless you, sorry for what you are going through. <P>But now is your time... chin up!!! smile!!! you have yourself and will have the children, they need the whole you, you need to heal. <P>There is a site that has been very helpful to me, it is about surviving after the loss of a love. Please check it out and stop back here once in a while. The address is: <A HREF="http://www.survivingloss.com" TARGET=_blank>www.survivingloss.com</A> <P>Alex<P>PS: Plus, you know the saying... "it's not over 'til it's over". Keep loving him but don't expect anything in return. Plan A until is over and after that, I guess Plan B would be appropiate (I wish NSR or K would be around- don't worry, they'll show up). You will be fine, trust your inner force, trust God, trust anything that has made you strong in the past.<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn<BR><p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 02, 2000).]

LMS,<P>I don't know if I have posted to you before, but was up late working and logged on and saw your post. I am so sorry to hear of this turn of events, but please remember March is a long way off and many things can happen. <P>ThisAlex, said it very well and gave you good advice. This site is about building marriages, but in my mind it is about building people. You have been here for awhile and you have learned many things. You are much stronger now than when you came and you will get stronger. Plan A and Plan B are really for that purpose you know. They are about making you a better stronger person ready to face whatever happens in your marriage. <P>Right now things seem bad, but LMS please know this they will get better. Have faith in that and you will be able to deal with the short and long term no matter how the marriage goes.<P>Please keep posting, you will continue to get the best advice the people here can give. You will be able to vent and develop ideas about what to do.<P>So hang in there Lesa, it will work out.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>JL

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LESA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>Hold on, no matter what or how you feel, you are a better person becausw of all this...<P>Just remember it's not over yet...<P>If you still have a little fight in you, continue with your plan-a...<P>Lose all your expectations, and be patient...<P>Your husband is saying what everyone elses spouce has said...<P>There are alot of them in recovery...<P>You don't have to tell your children...<P>Let your H tell, IMHO....<P>Know that we all care a great deal about you, and are here...<P>We love you...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Lesa</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Lesa</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Lesa</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Lesa</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Lesa</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I'm so sorry you H felt he had to make you hurt...<BR>We all care about you... very much! <P>Don't lose hope...<BR>We know you have faith, and love... but don't lose hope!<P>Everyone who responded is right... March is a long way off... and so many things can happen.<P>Even I found out (just a few minutes ago) that my court date is pushed back 3 weeks... a small miracle... of many that have happened already.<P>You are loved... your H just doesn't understand what he is doing...<BR>...we'll pray for his sickness as well... <BR> <P>On the practical side... (and we all hate this... but plans must be made)<P><B>Do</B> get protection for yourself(and your kids) legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counselling free of charge. This is <B>not</B> to get a divorce... but to know what the options are in your state.<P><B>Do</B> keep a journal/log of all that you do for the children... and visiting arrangements with your H... If you can go backward in time... try and write down all relevant facts as well. Protection of the children and custody will rely heavily on good documenation. If MENTAL(Nancy) were here whe'd say the same thimg. This is hard to do!... but start on this right away!<P>I know what I've just said sounds so confusing...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>? <B>and</B> lawyers? and journal?...<BR>...it really isn't! Building your marriage can only happen if you build yourself! You're in a fight... to keep your marriage alive... Actively protecting you and the children (instead of giving everything up) will build you up! He'll have a much stronger W to return to...<P>Love is coming to you from everyone on the forum...<P>We care Lesa...<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited February 02, 2000).]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{LMS}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Take care of yourself. Be strong and patient. No matter what, you have a great life ahead of you.<P>But remember what the others have said - March is a long way off. I heard divorce for six months - no options. No, I WON'T even consider giving us a chance. <P>But this past Saturday "I'd like to come home." And now I hear "I love you's". As late as NYE, he wanted a divorce!<P>Hang in there and be strong.<P>Lori

Lesa,<BR>(((((Lesa)))))<P>No it is not over! I have heard that H was filing every Friday since he left and he has yet to do so. He still hasn't moved all of his stuff out yet!<P>You don't have to give up just because he said he was filing. You have until March when he comes home. Alot can happen in his life to change that. And alot can happen in you to help change his mind.<P>Don't tell the kids. Wait and see and then let him tell them. <P>I'm here and you know how to get ahold of me!<P>Love ya,<BR>Mitzi

LMS, I just read your profile. Can you update me about your situation. In the profile you say that H told you that he won't give you another chance to hurt him and he can't forgive. What does he mean? Did you betray him, or does he mean emotionally? I am sorry for your pain, but you WILL BE OK! This is a scary time but you have made it this far, and you probably didn't even think you would make it. Just keep marking off the days, that's what I do, I just mark the calendar that I have made it through another day and I am still living, and my kids will be okay!

{{{{{{{{Lesa}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>My Good Friend,<P>Only you can decide when it is over. When you no longer want to be in this marriage. Do not allow H to make that decision for you.<P>As many have said already, they have heard the same things for months, and then things change.<P>Plan A and please work on yourself. Use your family for support. Go back to school, do something that will make you happy and better prepared to take care of those angles you have.<P>If you do that, you will make yourself a better person, and you will feel better about yourself as well. <P>Don't you think your H will be more willing to come back if he sees how you have rebuilt your life and do not need him as much anymore?<P>Who knows, at that point, maybe you won't want him anymore.<P>I know this is hard, but we are here for you. We all care about you, so don't think you have to go through this alone. You are not alone.<P>Please get in touch with me at work if you need to chat today.<P>jrandolph@carterwallace.com<P>God Bless,<P>Your Friend,<P>JJ <P>

Lesa I am soo sorry. It seems we both had a bad night, yours much worse than mine.<P>All I have in comfort is for you, I can't say what everyone says about it getting better or your going to be better because like you I haven't experienced it. But one thing is, you have us ok? When you don't have hope we have some to lend you, faith... you betcha. And importantly (and restated) you have a shoulder here to lean on ok?<P>{{{{{{LESA}}}}}}<P>Thinking of you<P>James<BR>p.s. sometimes we just have to trust others experiences that it will get better. I find myself doing that even if I am not sure where my path is leading<p>[This message has been edited by Simply J (edited February 02, 2000).]

Alex,<BR>It's hard to think I'll ever smile again, but I thank you for your encouragement, and best wishes, I'll check out the site you sent. Thank you again<BR>JL,<BR>I have learned a lot from this site and all the people who come here, I would like to think I have become a better person, and yes things do seem very bad right now I have waited in the house by the phone for the past six months just for any sign of hope, but the last time I seen one was in December when he sent me a gift on Christmas.<BR>Bill,<BR>I have a lot of fight in me it just has been shocked right now, I hope it comes out of it soon, I need it, but I am glad I have everyone here to give me a bit now.<BR>Jim,<BR>Thank you my friend, I will check out the family law site, (I think it is totally his legal stuff will be free from JAG but that's not the only unfair thing he has done.) But I have told him I love him in fact those were the last words I said to him last night on the phone.<BR>Lostva,<BR>Right now I don't see much of a life, but I'm sure that will change, This man was my first love and I thought we would be together forever, but I will hold on to my tiny thread and hope it holds me up.<BR>Mitsui,<BR>My dear friend, Thank you for the jokes, they helped a bit, but I just cant seem to wake up out of this nightmare, my body is so sore (I guess it is from crying so hard last night) I didn't want to get out of bed but I had a son to get off to school and a two year old to on my chest asking for cereal. But you know how that goes.<BR>Trying,<BR>Yes I did betray him six years ago...after the first few months after I told him, we were fine (so I thought) then five years later he tells me he cant live with it any more. No I wasn't the best S I could of been, I let a lot of his needs go unmet, but no one deserves the pain he has put me and our kids through. He made us leave, he has all of the household things both cars, but now he expects me to start over. <BR>JJ,<BR>Thank you for the lift up and the offer to chat but I don't think I feel much like it right now.<BR>J,<BR>So your night didn't go well either I'm sorry, thank you for the shoulder it will be used I can bet on that.<P>Now just in general I do not plan to stop loving this man like I told him I will love and be here for him until I take my last breath, he is and always will be my H and I will always love him. I just wish I could get mad I think I'd feel better.<P>Thank you all for your support and friendship. You and your families are in my prayers.<BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

Lesa,<P>Keep the faith and don't lose hope. There are many who care and love you.<P>You have your 2 beautiful children and you are a wonderful person too. Please always remember that.<P>Anything can happen inbetween now and March. If things don't work out with your H, your H will be the one to realize what he has just lost.<P>Despite the painful things that we live through, things always have a way of working out. Just put your trust into God. I'll be praying for you too.

Thanks for everything.But I think it is best for everyone involved if I do just give him what he wants, I dont want to and I dont know how I am going to get through it I love this man with all of my heart,How do you stop loving someone,and just be friendly even if it is for the kids..I dont know if I can be just friends with H I love him and I dont know if I can do it.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

I have been where you are at, Lesa. I know the deep despair and pain that you feel. <P>I am afraid right now, all I can say is that this pain hurts really really really bad, and everything feels hopeless.<P>But, it won't last. That I can promise. <P>There may be tears all night - but joy - comes in the morning.... That is a Bible verse that I have hung onto many many nights, when I thought it could get no better.<P>Lesa, am saying prayers for you.<P>tnt

I just feel like such a failure,I hope this feeling goes away,once again I cant eat or sleep, I honestly thought he would try I thought I would stay gone like he ask and he would get through this.how could I have been so .....stupid when he was here last he told his dad that he was doing it(being a true husband) so I would not bother him about us and start a fight. that makes twice he has "acted" the part of a husband all summer he had me fooled and the bad thing is what we had this summer....was every thing I had ever wanted.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

My dearest Lesa,<P>I feel your pain. It's the same pain that caused my pre-mature delivery 17 months ago. My H told me that we were done and it was over. My God so much since then... But I swear, when I feel like all my strength is gone, I hold on to my daughter and she keeps me going. I cry out to the most high and he comforts me. Allow God to hold you this very night, for He alone can touch you and comfot you like no one else. I know it feels as if your going crazy and it physically hurts. It's a pain that alot of us here are too familiar with and it is not good for our health. Try and when I say try I mean just that because I know how hard this can be, but try to hold on and keep on with the plan A. Please stay encouraged. We are with you every step of the way and we love you. You are in my prayers...<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

I wish the people at home would just leave me the He!! alone, they keep telling e to just accept this an try to move on with my life to just let him go....would they be saying these thins if H had died? thats is just how I feel the man I love and the father of my children died tuseday night. the man that was on the phone with me was not him. <BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

Would they be telling you to accept it and get on with life if he'd died? You bet (only they might give you a couple of weeks first). It is hard for anyone who hasn;t been there to understand, they just want your pain to end, and they don't understand that you can't just say "OK, I accept it, and now it doesn't hurt--gee, thanks!".<BR>Your H, the one you knew and loved, has died to you. You deserve and need to grieve for him, for your marriage. Even if the two of you got back together in the future, it would not be the same 2 people, the same marriage. You need support right now...try to find a friend or relative who can listen without trying to fix everything. Please know that we are all here for you, caring, praying, LISTENING. I wish there was a less painful way, but the only way to resolve grief is to grieve. My thoughts are with you--<BR>Kathi

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LMS:<BR><B>I wish the people at home would just leave me the He!! alone, they keep telling e to just accept this an try to move on with my life to just let him go....would they be saying these thins if H had died? thats is just how I feel the man I love and the father of my children died tuseday night. the man that was on the phone with me was not him. <BR>Lesa<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I would tell you to grieve because it is a part of the healing process. Once you had grieved the loss then you would be able to go on with your life. I can attest to that because when my exgirlfirend broke up with me when I was a sophomore, I vowed that a woman would never be that close to me again. God had other plans. Now, I feel like I am reliving what I went through then. We haven't gotten to the clean break part yet. Don't really think it will get to that point. I just keep praying that I am able to clearly hear what He wants me to do rather than doing what I want to do which only makes matters worse.<P>Having time to clear your head is a good thing. Venting is a good thing, just like grieving is a good thing. <P>MONDO HUG!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

LMS<P>I am praying for you.<P>Pleae remember that GOD loves you. And you need to be well to take care of your children. Because if no one else needs you, your children needs you. Only you can take care of your children like they need to be taken care of. And if you are sick, you can't help them.<P>So, be strong in the LORD and pray for his guidance and strenght. Put you trust and faith in the LORD and HE will direct you path.<BR>--------------------<BR>LORD, instead of taking away my trials and pain, give me the strenght to endure them. Amen<P>ITS