<BR>Still hanging tough in Plan A.<P>I have recently made the commitment to back off from initiating all relationship discussions.<P>My wife was getting to the point where she was afraid to be alone with me because we always discuss "the situation". Our discussions were free from angry outbursts, judgements, and other LB's. She still felt uncomfortable - guilt, continuing to not be honest about her feelings to OM, etc. Seems like she thinks if we ignore it, it will go away.<P>The hardest part for me is to let go of the fact that she still wants OM. Plan A would be easy if I knew she was at least trying to maintain a separation. Withdrawal would be easier to deal with because at least that is progress.<P>I know she still talks to OM. I know she still wants to see him and will probably see him while telling me she is doing something else. She denies all this, says there is no or limited contact, that it is over and that she feels no need to see him. <P>Saturday I asked her to not have OM over to the house or around the kids. She agreed to this but I doubt very much that she has told OM. I'm pretty sure if he shows up that she will let him in without a second thought.<P>How do some of the rest of you work Plan A knowing that affair is still going on?<P>Any words of encouragement?<P>It has to get better someday, right?<P>At this point Plan B starts to look pretty good (for my sanity, at least).<BR>

Help me - Hi! Plan B IS easier on your sanity...but maybe not the best choice until you've firmly established a great Plan A.<P>It is hard. Very very hard. I just posted my viewpoint to Quandry on another thread. You have to do what's best for you. <P>I would like to mention something that Jim (I think it was you, Jim) said once a while back. Although "discussing the relationship" SHOULDN'T be a lovebuster if done with respect, etc., the BETRAYER defines "lovebuster". If it makes them uncomfortable or they don't like it, it's a lovebuster! Simple as that.<P>Hang in there. Plan A can work. Not all the time, there are no guarentees, but sometimes. And, from here, it's worth the work.<P>Lori

help me1,<P>Lori is being very humble here...<BR>She has a <B>great</B> reply to quandry's post... click <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000431.html" TARGET=_blank>HERE===>Question for Plan A Veterans</A>.<P>Yeah... I had a quote like that awhile back...<P>I'd like to offer a slight variation....on "who defines a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>"...<BR>...it isn't always the wayward...<BR>...some waywards themselves are in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> with the betrayed(who doesn't want to rebuild the marriage)...<P>Whoever is attempting the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>(betrayed or wayward)...<BR>should understand that <B>their</B> spouse(wayward or betrayed) defines what is a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>!<P>BTW: This is also true in defining <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>! Think about it! <P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited February 02, 2000).]