I've been married to a man that for 17 years has rejected me constantly. He has been cold at times, and downright hateful about it at others. Yet, after 17 years he has had an affair. It's not because he's not wanted at home. I enjoy being with him, but he hardly ever wants to be with me. April of last year he changed his whole personality to someone that thought he was too good for me, he changed his style of dress and music, which everyone that knows him noticed. I received several inquiries as to what was up with him. I didn't know how to answer, I just knew he was breaking my heart. Now I feel empty and I don't feel like I have anything left to give. He has taken my heart and thrown it aside like it meant nothing.<BR>He now says he wants to make things work out, but I don't know if I can. I can barely stand to sleep next to him. I don't sleep well and I have horrible dreams. I need help.

Dear Chances, <P>You have come to the right place. The first thing to do is get the book, "Surviving An Affair" and read it completely. Scour this site, it has a lot of good info. Everything you are feeling right now is normal and justified. You must look deep into yourself and ask if you want your marriage. Then start working on it!! NSR I am sure will post and give you some great links to info to help you on your journey. Post here and read often. Many of us have been right where you are and have saved marriages by using Dr. Harleys principles. Good luck to you!<P>------------------<BR>Susan<P><BR>

Thanks for the encouragement and the advice. If I don't know anything else, I do know that I'm scared. I'll get the book. Thank you.

Welcome <B>Chances</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome post I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a short time ago the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR>Staying in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum will give you the most responses! <P>Definitely get and read the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>.<P>Definitely start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>You can save your marriage... and if you read more...you'll find out why... <B>IT IS WORTH IT</B>!<P>Jim

I read through the Plan A link you have listed. It definitely makes sense. However, at this point my husband just wants to forget about it and never mention it again, he doesn't realized how much he has hurt me. He's not to a point where he thinks help outside of forgetting is necessary. How can these plans work if only one of us is working on it?

My husband came home from work last night acting like his old self, as if none of this had ever happened. He acts as if by not discussing it, it'll all just go away. No reason to talk about it, it's in the past is his standard reply.<BR>He is working on a rather large job right now that should end in another week or so. He says that he wants to go out of town for a weekend and start over. How realistic is this? I'm numb and confused.