I am so glad I found this forum. I need somwhere to spew all the ugliness in my soul.I have not had time to go over all Dr.Harley's material but I read a few of the articles on this site. From reading a few other posts i am probably where a lot of you would like to be. After H admitted to his emotional affair 7 months ago, we went to counselling, reconciled. I am trying to forgive. Am doing all the loving things hoping the feelings will follow. Problem is I can be a really good actress. Deep in my soul I am still so angry. I don't trust him. I know who the OW is. She is in my dance class. I stopped taking it because of her. But then I got mad. I didn't do anything wrong, why should I deny myself dancing which I really enjoy, because of her? I resent thinking about the A. And if you think it hurts less because they didn't have sex, think again. I think they would have if I hadn't confronted my H when I did. I don't want to think about it anymore but I do anyway. Every time my H is a few minutes late I get suspicious. So far I've kept a lid on it but I feel like it's all going to come spewing out. Every day I pray God will set a guard over my mouth. But how can I ever love my H again with all this doubt and distrust. He says he's trying and really there is nothing overt in his actions to verify my suspicions. The wounds may heal but I think I'll have the scars from this forever. Sometimes I am so mad I just want OUT! He betrayed the promises he made on our wedding day. I can't even wear my wedding ring anymore it makes me sick. I am so disillusioned with him. How could he look me in the eyes and lie to me the way he did? I wonder if he will play me for a fool again in the future. I wonder if I should cut my losses and make a fresh start. I try to behave honorably. Maybe it's expecting too much to expect that of others. All I know is i am incredibly disillusioned. Thanks for listening. amie

Amie, first I'd like to say welcome. And secondly, I admire your courage to continue in your marriage. We all here (betrayed/betrayers) are trying to reconcile our marriages. I think you will find alot of people here who will give you excellent advice. Post, Read, Vent, and by all means reply. I'm sure you have a lot of experiences that we can learn from too.<P>Stay encouraged. Your journey is not over. You have a lot of unresolved feelings and emotions to deal with and so does H. You may hear us call it a rollercoaster ride here. That's because there are so many ups and downs. This site is definitely a blessing from God. You are not alone.<P>Lastly, I'd suggest that you edit your profile and add the generalization of your story for future purposes. You will find that people will ask you about your situation over and over until you do this. Also so that when you post another topic we can click on your profile to read your story without having to search for it. <P>Welcome Again<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com<p>[This message has been edited by jamie-lee (edited February 03, 2000).]