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Joined: Dec 1999
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I have the kids by myself for 48 hours this weekend for the first time. Any advice on how to take care of them w/out wallowing in my own sorrow? I’ve got plans on things to do, but it is kind of like Plan A. It looks easy on paper, but execution is another thing. I’m worried about my own emotional state as well as the emotions of the kids. To top it all off, I have to worry about my W and her emotions. She’s called me the past two days for “support?”, but being a jealous, crazy husband, I worry about who she’ll turn to for support this weekend. Hopefully me. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] So if any “single” weekend dads out there have any advice I would greatly appreciate it.

Joined: Apr 1999
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Well, I always found having the kids to be close to the best thing for me emotionally. Fact is I missed them a lot more than my ex. After a person puts you through a certain amount of grief, it's amazing how quickly you realize you are actually in less pain away from them. Not saying you fell great, but it's the better of two evils.<P>The kids on the other hand, I don't know how they did it, but I wasn't lonely or sad or anything. We have things to do, games to play, swimming leasons, bike rides, etc. If anything I found them to be great emotional support. Suddenly my ex didn't matter so much, we were all together and life went on without her. Got them again starting tonight. We'll eat pizza pops and watch "Magic Schoolbus" until way past bedtime.<P>It's one year later now and I really don't miss her. Don't get me wrong, I'm still not all better, but given a choice of how I might want to spend my time on a given evening, the last thing I would want to do is be around her. I think it's mutual though, she doesn't even know where I live. Kids spend half thier weekends there and she couldn't care less. I am forced to conclude she never did care for anything but herself. People like that are easier to live away from than with, but sometimes you need to be through it before you can see it. It takes time.

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Just a note of correction, I'm only single because we're separated at this moment and I still want to be with her. So I guess that is why my emotions will be running super high this weekend. I just hope I can keep it together for the kids' sake. But hey that's what Prozac is for right? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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I wanted to get back together with my ex back then too. I didn't start to understand the attraction-aversion conflict until much later. I wanted to be with her when I was away, but she made my life a living hell when I was near. I don't mean to imply your situation is anything similar, just telling stories.<P>My kids on the other hand, there is no attraction-aversion conflict. It's just attraction. When I get to the ex's house tonight, they will come running up yelling "Daddy, daddy, daddy" and then jump me so hard I will have to be careful not to fall over. It'll be hugs and show and tell for then next 15 minutes. It's very hard to stay in a bad mood for long when a couple of kids give you the hero treatment like that. Then, when I finally get them in the car, we'll sing along to the "Whinie the Pooh sing along tape". Then it's pizza pops and magic school bus until way past bedtime. Swimming tomorrow, then to my parents, probably skating on Sunday. How in the heck could I stay in a bad mood with a weekend like that?<P>So anyway, I think it's all a perception thing. If you think "I'm going to have a rotten weekend without my wife", then you probably will. If you think "I'm so lucky to see my kids. We are going to have a great weekend together" then you'll do that instead. Forget about the wife and enjoy the little boogers. At least you know they love you no matter what. That kind of love is very hard to find, and worth a lot more than most people realize until it's too late.<BR>

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np,<BR>You're right of course, sometimes its hard to think straight with everything going on. I just need to slow down, remember the things that are important to me, and take care of those things.<BR>I wrote a poem/story about our three kids for my wife that included the following line:<P>I know there are angels among us. I love our three angels so much. They give me so much love, faith, and hope. I can never repay them for that. I can only be the best parent I know how to be and hope for the best. They also make me joyful and for the brief moments in my life when they are around, I will be happy, no matter how down I may be, because I owe them that much.<P>Thanks for the support. Good luck to you, np. Have a great weekend w/ the kids, I know I will.

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My W spends lots of nights with OP & those nights are my D's and mine; next week we are interviewing three counselors to see with which one of them we feel comfortable to help us for a friendly break-up & on telling my daughter.<P>So far we have agreed (unless she changes her mind & then we'll face an interesting legal batle) that since she is the one walking out of the marriage then she'll leave home. I would still prefer to work on our marriage but she doesn't, so I honestly look forward for the day when she leaves: things are easier when she is not around.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn<BR><p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 05, 2000).]

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Sparky,<P>Just enjoy your kids! Do what you want to with them. You will be suprised how up lifting they can be. I have had my kids for 7 months now and haven't lost any or poisoned anyone, yet.<P>I do get tired from the enormous responsibility and wish for some quiet time but the weekends they now spend with thier mother, I'm so lonely and depressed that I can't wait till they are back. <P>Everytime the kids are with their mother my calls me a number of times. He never calls his mother from here. My daughter only calls her when she wants a ride and I can't give it to her.<P><BR>You will be suprised at how the kids already know about your feelings. My kids have been great for all that they have been going through.<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

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I have my 3 year old D tomorrow until Wednesday...I can't wait!!!!!!I miss her everday I don't have her...<P>What are w going to do....Hang out...A little shopping....Maybe go to the fish store....Finish setting up her train....Chuck-E-Cheese..... <P>I don't have any really big plan-s just try to do something enriching for us both...<P>Most of all Love her hugg her love her some more<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Joined: Sep 1999
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Sparkydog,<P>I have to agree with all the other guys...<P>Time spent with my kids is great...<BR>I usually get depressed when my W get's the kids (every other weekend.)<P>I try and do something they like...<BR>sleigh riding(when it snowed)...<BR>a movie...<BR>tomorrow... we're going rollerblading/skating (something I really like)<BR>we've gone ice-skating...<BR>visiting cousins they don't get to see...<P>If you focus on the kids...<BR>thoughts of your W won't bother you too much.<P>Have fun!!! Really... see the joy in their eyes!<P>Jim


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