Have you identified a relationship between your emotions and your physical reactions? If so, do you feel & taste something similar to what I describe here below? Please respond.<P>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<P>Yesterday I was a little down, sort of sad, with this flavor in my mouth that I had actually felt before… like… I guess… it was… <P><B>…Sadness</B> has somewhat of a bitter taste; not like hepatitis that I know since I had a liver infection at age 18, but definitely bitter, a bit of acid maybe. It comes accompanied by a feeling similar to that of "feeling like crying", but you don't feel like it; it's oppressive but not depressive if you know what I mean; there is no pain, a just deep sadness similar to that of loneliness. It's similar to the sadness I felt when one of my best friends died, also similar to the one I felt when I realized not so long ago (after discovery) that another of my best friends doesn't really care about what's happening in my life. It's sadness for something lost forever: 100% trust & unconditional love for my wife & the lost of my best-best friend (also my wife).<P><B>Pain</B> when the person you love betrays you… it is an oppressive feeling on and in your chest, it hurts in places you didn't know existed, it makes you bend and sleep in fetal position (who can help me? why me? how could she do it and why?) This —also bitter— taste flows from the salivary glands but I can hardly notice it, all I know is that there is more saliva in my mouth that there has been in long time, my stomach hurts and I feel like throwing up but I can't… my stomach is just to tense to respond even to this.<P><B>Loneliness</B>, now this is one I don't like although I always enjoyed solitude.. so different; there is a thin line between both, a line defined by will: I can choose to be alone to assess who I am or what I've done & what I can I do to be better, but the feeling of been lonely when you want to be with someone is terrible, it is also oppressive, not a good feeling, it's mostly pity, self-commiseration, again the "why me?" sort of thing. An old Argentinean song says that "it is something like wanting and not knowing with whom to be… it is something like wanting and not knowing why to cry". I guess it is like that, because yes, I want "her" to be with me but not necessarily now, nothing has changed and yet tears roll down my cheeks but the tears are not because of her, but because of me.<P><B>Fear</B> of losing her… of the unknown, ("what next?", and again "poor me", "what can I do?" where is my place?", "what will happen to my daughter?"), I guess my salivary glands are specially active in this body because saliva just runs… bitterness?-not so sure, it is not sweet… acid?- maybe… I shake… I feel like closing my eyes hoping that when I wake up everything will be all right… but it's daylight out there and nothing is fine.<P><B>Rage</B> (#@€¿ªº%!!!) blinds… all images are blur, my head circles, I can't think straight, the world is not welcomed in my heart, my blood goes up to my ears, I feel heat all over my face, a heat that tickles but doesn't make me smile…"why me?" (again) "why now?" ("why not?" —tells me this little voice) and then my whole being falls in <B>pain</B>, then <B>sadness</B>, then <B>fear</B> and after all these I feel this deep, profound, so large that I didn't know I could hold such immensity <B>loneliness</B>… then <B>I pray for her… for me… for our daughter</B> & I just know that regardless of the outcome, everything will be just fine, I have found…<P><B>…Peace</B>, profound peace; I hear music and smell roses (am I "touched"?, am I cured?, am I crazy?) My body floats and I am in peace with the world and myself, I love her again… I love every single being on earth & the entire universe… I fall asleep… tomorrow the sun will shine again.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn (but when?)<p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 07, 2000).]

Alex,<P>I know what you mean about tasting pain. As for physical reaction in relation to emtional pain, I was on the infidelity diet and lost several pounds.<P>Your description here of the profound grief one feels when dealing with infidelity is more than touching my soul.<P>It does end, or if nothing else dulls with time. Even for those who choose marital recovery, they deal with the death of a marriage as they knew it.<P>Whatever the taste of peace may be,I often wish people here, peace. When you hear music again, when the scent of a rose does matter, when you feel something aside from pain and numbness.<P>Much Peace to you Alex and ALL here at MB.

I don't know about taste, but during the three weeks my husband was having an internet affair, he smelled bad to me. I know this sounds crazy, but it is true. It wasn't body odor like someone has from uncleanliness, just an odor. Of course I didn't know what was happening, just that he smelled bad. I didn't comment to him about it, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I was worried about it and even went on the net looking for possible causes. After everything came out and he quit the EA, the smell went away.<BR>Has anyone ever had an experience similar to this. Could it have something to do with our body chemistries?

Alex,<BR>I know exactly what you mean. I have tasted each of the things you talked about. I think that's why when this is happening you lose your appetite. (from 130 lbs. to 108 lbs. in 6 weeks). <BR>I can also identify with the bad smell. My H smells really bad to me now. I loved his smell before the affair. I would guess something to do with body chemistry or pheremones (sp?). <P>But these are just guesses.<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi

No taste or smell effects for me.<P>Just raw adrenaline. All the time. Dumping in to my gut. Kills the appetite. (lost 10 pounds) Gives the runs. Can't sleep. Sweat all the time - stronger, offensive body odor as a result.<P>Things hve toned down as time passes, probably because my body could not maintain that level of intensity indefinitely. <P> Now the adrenaline comes and goes. May be ok for a couple of days, and then WHAM! out of nowhere something hits me and I get it all over again.<P>I have found that exercise is great for dealing wthe the anger/rage/frustration and associated adrenaline shots. Gives your body something productive to do with all the raw emotion and energy. My counselor also suggested exercise to deal with the stress. Now I'm even thinking about karate or boxing. For some reason I think hitting things would be greatly satisfying.<P>A side note: While I didn't experience any smell or taste effects, My wife who has always been very smell sensitive, complained of a bad smell everytime I wore cologne during the period of time of the affair. This was cologne she had picked out for me as a gift. My son could wear the same scent with no problem. Did I really smell different to her or was it her emotions for me that made me smell offensive to her?<P>

I too noticed the body smell. I didn't connect it to the EA. I thought maybe he was getting sick. <P>Sometimes the smell is there and sometimes not there. I'll start paying closer attention to it. This might give me some clue as to when he's in contact with her.<P>I haven't noticed the tastes. Maybe because I smoke (I've been told that food tastes better after quiting) and my taste buds are smothered.<P>Keo

I also noticed that I sweat alot more now. And my deodorant has miraculously stopped working very well. I thought this was unusual for a woman but I guess it's just anxiety. I was a person who bit my fingernails too but for some reason since this started, I've stopped biting them. It's weird because I always thought it was a nervous habit.

<B>Her smell...</B> yes... I used to love her smell (all over); now we are not intimate but we hug and kiss every now and then and there is this bad & unknown smell, probably her body reacting to her own confusion and fear, plus a combination of her body secretions and those of the OP. And then...<P>...yes <B>Diarrhea</B> which is usually associated with <B>fear</B> and of course...<P><B>...sweat full of adrenaline</B>, with an odor similar to our perspiration when we exercise and have had too many cigarettes<P>Keep replying.<P>Alex<P>PS: <B>Mitzi:</B> There are several brands of a white mineral deodorant (sold in several presentations, some look like roll-on, some like a little rock). It is odorless, colorless, it does not stain your clothes and it’s quite inexpensive, you can find it in “Body Shop” stores or else at naturist stores. I know of men & women (including W & I) who use it. <P>------------------<BR>Live and learn (but when?)

What an odd idea..Come to think of it I don't like the way my husband smells since his affair. I used to go into the closet when he was away on trips and just hug his clothes to smell them and be "near him". He doesn't even know that...Now we're physically close because we've decided to try for reconciliation, but I don't like the way he smells. What a thought!

<B>C'mon!!! (???)</B> Please don't tell us that we (<B>InShock, Margaret, Mitzy, help me, Keosha, peace lover & I</B>) are the only ones who have perceived physical changes...<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn (but when?)<p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 08, 2000).]

Alex,<P>Your descrption of loneliness is 100 % right on. <P>When my ex and I were together, I never spent any time with her during the week. I was always too busy. <P>Now that she is gone, I have soo much free time it is disgusting. I honestly sit around wondering what in the world could have occupied my time for all those years. <P>The funny thing is, the lack of time I committed to her was a major reason for our split.<P>Knowing that I can't spend time with her is unbearable. When I knew I could, but was tooo busy, it didn't bother me at all.<P>Life is strange, huh?