Hi everyone,<P>I've missed chatting to you all, but I have been lurking and responding occasionally. I felt that I had nothing to offer, you were all trying so hard for your marriages, and I couldn;t give a rats about mine any longer...<BR>I didn't want to bring you all down..<P>Well, that may just have changed......<P>On Friday night I received a ph call from K.. Mole (not her real name !!!), telling me that we should talk, that there were a few things that I should know about my Husband. Yeah right, she's known him all of 8 months, I was married and with him for 12 years, but she can tell ME about him !!!<P>She proceeded to tell me<BR> <BR>1/ that he had admitted to her that there were other women before her in our marriage, 2/ that he was now sleeping with someone else at their work (ie, now there's a #2), (he says he kissed another girl that they work with - stupid boy, isn't it a golden rule that you don't get involved with those that you work with)<BR>3/ that he wouldn't have ANYTHING to do with me if it wasn't for the children, ouch <BR>4/ and that he was moving to Brisbane very shortly<P>She felt that I should know all this....<P>I very calmly advised her that he was now her problem, and I didn't know what she wanted me to say or do.....<P>I also said that I had dealt with her, and with him, a long time ago, and had moved on with my life (is that a furphy or what !!)<P>She told me that the other girl that he is sleeping with at work confessed 'all' to her, does that make any sense to you guys.? To my way of thinking, if you're starting a new relationship with someone, you don't go and tell the current girlfriend that you're sleeping with her boyfriend...<P>My H says she is showing her true colours, she is psycho, she is jealous and possessive, and that she is playing games but he doesn't know what those games are. And he left me for that....... My mind boggles... We weren't jealous or possessive of each other, we had a great relationship, well, obviously not that great or he wouldnt have done this, but really, our marriage was not on the rocks, or that bad. We really just did need time together, his hours in Sydney were phenominal.....<P>Lucky I don't have a rabbit or she would be boiling it !!!!!!!!!<P>I choose not to believe that there were others within our marriage, I think I know him well enough, and that our marriage was good. I really don't believe that little lie.<P>I think she is doing this because he is moving here, and hasn't asked her to come with him. She must be assuming that we are going to reconcile, and that must be driving her nuts.<P>She also said that his life was going to blow up in his face, in all areas. I don't know what she meant by that. Today, (Mon) she has given him abusive emails at work, and phd him twice on his mobile while he was on the way home, and abused him again. What a woman...<P>My H is willingly offering all this information about their relationship, about how she told little lies, such as she had a job interview, but told him she had a doctors appt. Why would you lie to your boyfriend.?? Was there no trust at all betw. them ?? <P>Well, is this the first step for me.....<P>It's so good to have something to say to you all, and I look forward to all your words of wisdom and support. <P>I really have missed chatting to you all,<P>love and hugs to you all,<P>Jo<P><BR>And Lostva, haven't caught up yet, how's it going after the super dooper great news ????<BR>

ps<P>I forgot the most important part, they have <P><BR>BROKEN UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P><BR>Yay.

(((((((((((((((JO))))))))))))))))<P>I was getting ready to send out a distress call for you...I have been wondering where you were and how you were doing.....<P>well, I have always held to the theory that if you give an idiot enough rope, somehow, someday, they will hang themselves......seems like dumb OW in your life has a really long rope.....<P>I'm glad you don't have a bunny too.....LOL<P>ah, Jo, you keep taking care of you....I'm so happy to see you back....keep the positive thoughts flowing....<P>Dylan

thanks Dylan,<P>it feels so good to be back and actually chatting.<P>You guys just understand. Need we say more ??<P>Stupid stupid girl, and stupid stupid him too. What the hell did he think he was doing, surely she must have displayed some of those psycho tendancies before now. And to think she could have had something to do with my children in the future...<BR>I think I would have become one of those fugutive mothers before I would've allowed her near them.<P>I had concerns about her from the very start, she used to send my H pornographic emails at work (charming huh ??) and my H actually used the word abusive when he spoke about her.<BR>I questioned him the other day as to whether he had ever thought I was abusive, ie, when I was yelling and screaming and throwing things at him when discovery was happening. He said no, never. Just the word 'abusive' frightened me. Gives me the chills just thinking about her touching my precious little angels.<BR>Thank goodness it's no longer an issue.<P>I guess the next few weeks will tell all, and I'll keep you all informed.<P>thanks for caring<P>Jo

Hello Bonnet,<P>This certainly would appear to be his first step in returning to reality. He may not have told YOU as much, but he had to tell the mole something.<P>1/There were others, you're not the first or special (you now have a reason to dump me) <BR>2/I am cheating on you <BR>(you now have a reason to dump me)<BR>3/I am moving back to where my wife is and using my children as an excuse (not admitting his true plan to anybody, maybe even himself)<P>He's sharing with you his problems with her. He is looking to you for sympathy. Maybe this is your opening to ask if he wants to try the marriage? Do YOU want to? <P>His infidelity is following the typical course. He probably realizes what a horrid mistake he made at this point. He got to run off to fantasyland and all he found there was <BR>not so great.<P>And, as we see and learn here the fact that the OW contacted you shows that you were NEVER out of his life. Only he could have put you there in her eyes.<P>The first and most important step has been made in this affair. OW is history !!!<P>If you want him, now is the time for Plan A. Go over the Plan A information at this site to refresh yourself. Be patient, it's all happening in its own time.

Hi Inshock,<P>thank you thank you.<P>I still don't quite know how I feel, I never ever thought this time would come.<BR>For so long, he has pushed me so completely out of his life, and stated emphatically that he didn't want to work on our marriage. I stopped asking just before Christmas time.<P>Do I want to work on my marriage, and reconcile.? I ask myself that question every day. A while ago, maybe 2 months, my feelings, all of them, just went. There is no hatred, no anger, but also no love or wanting. I don't know where they went, or how, but they just did. I have wondered ever since whether they havent gone, but it was just hurting so much, I have suppressed everything. I guess only time now will tell.<BR>I do know that just at this moment I cannot ask if he wants to work on our marriage. I feel that it needs to come from him now.<BR>I asked so often in the beginning, and let him know that I was willing to forgive and work so hard at rebuilding whatever it was that went wrong. He completely rebuffed me.<BR>Maybe in a few days, if things continue this way, an opportunity will present itself to discuss things in more depth, but at the moment, I just want to sit back and see what actually happens.<P>It was so good to read what you had to say, it was a perspective that I hadn't thought of, ie, him giving her the opportunity to dump him... How interesting.<P>I'll keep you informed.<P>I don't know your story, but I'm going to read the 'sunglasses' profile now.<P>Thanks for responding, and caring.<P>Take care of you<P>Jo

Hi Bonnet (Jo), <P>Sounds like you have things under control. The OW is obviously trying to get under your skin and you didn't let her. Good for you! <P>I find it interesting that she is trying to destroy your past with your H. I suppose she's hoping that would kill any love you have left for him. <P>I hope you are doing well, Jo.<P>Best wishes, <P>SHA<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

Hey Jo,<P>What a thrill to see your signature on the board. I've wondered where you were...<P>Sounds as if you may be getting your big break...yes I'm the eternal optimist...<P>Like SHA said doin't allow this woman to get you ruffled...You are much better and stronger than she...<P>As for as LRB goes...he doesn't have a drivers licence or a car...LOL...R plays chauffer to him...HA<P>He's a sodding(I love that adjective) punk that will get his...Yes I'm feeling much better today...I think it was the fish...<P>Thanks for the hugs...Back at ya,<P>Take care,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey, Jo!!!!<P>I thinhk this OW is furious that your H dumped her and she will stop at nothing to try to get back at him by interfering with a possible reconciliation between you two.<P>You know, even if everything she told you about OW before her and current OW #2 is true, if your H can put all this behind him, and you can too, that is where EVERYTHING would be - BEHIND YOU BOTH.<P>I have to agree that his breaking up with the OW and now moving to where you and the kids live is the first step toward reconciliation!!!! Let him come to you, Jo, but also he has to know that the door is still opened, if it truly is.<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

SHA, WilliamJ and RMA,<P>Thanks guys for responding. I was hoping you all would.<P>Well, the sleep comes easier these last few days, (the suitcases under the eyes are packing themselves away) and I have quite a feeling of peace. Don't know why - but I have always had faith in my gut feelings. They've never let me down, and I've never got into any trouble following them.<P>It's 7.45 am here, so I'm just about to jump in the shower, give children their breakfast, start chauffering to prep and getting babies ready for their day. !!!<P>It's a girlfriends b'day today, so I'm going out for lunch with her, and then I shall be back on.<P>I have no idea what I feel for him at this stage, but there is a sense of anticipation and excitement within this little old 'bod, do you think that means anything.??<P>I just want to sit back and watch how this all pans out. When I spoke to him yesterday, I did let him know that I was concerned for him, and had been thinking about him. I guess after all the knockbacks, I just want to hear something positive from him, ie, like maybe he wants to come home. I guess I could take the fact that he's moving here to be a part of that - we'll see.<P>Anyway, I have nothing new to report, but as soon as I do, you guys will have the update.<BR>Thanks so much for responding.<P>I did lurk while I was 'away', and responded to a few posts, ie, I know Lostva has some wonderful times happening (and the scary ones), but I really felt I would bring you all down with me if I posted myself. I know you guys would have been there for me, but I lost my 'positiveness' (sp?) and really couldn't see any hope for my situation. I lost it !!!<P>Child #1 crying, baby has obviously attacked !!! Must go, there is no peace if they know I'm on here<P>love you all<P>Jo xxxxxxxx

Hi, Sweetie!!!<P>She's not telling you a lot of things. There's more to this than she says, otherwise she wouldn't have felt the need to tell you Anything at all!!! HMMMMMMMM - got to think on this one.<P>You're doing well. Keep your mind open, sit back and watch. You don't have to make any decisions yet, just see what unfolds.<P>I'm SOOOOOOOO glad to see you post!<P>Luv ya!<P>Lori

Hey there Jo,<P>Nice to see you posting as well. Even better that you've got some positive news.<P>I'm in the same camp with Lori, et al. Go slow on this one. There's obviously changes afoot. That girl wouldn't be giving you a hard time if things were going well for her. Who really knows what your H has told her?<P>Anyhoo, sounds like you're in a good place. The kids are fine. You sound fine. You've got your sense of balance back.<P>One day at a time, it is. But... it sounds like you've got a reason for a little smile. Keep us posted... and all the best!<P>DMac

Jo, Have missed you, but understand I feel that way sometimes. Something is definately happening. She is running scared. Since you are unsure how you really feel about H. Take is slow and easy and let him do the work now. See if your feelings come back. BUt there must be some feelings left because of the way you sound. You are in my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi guys,<P>first of all, a further update.<P>Tonight when he rang he was at girl #2's house (the other girl from his work that he is supposed to be sleeping with !!!)<BR>He said that she was telling him everything that is being said about him at work !!!<BR>I think I may have LB'd, I said to him "do you realise how juvenile this sounds. I behaved like this when I was in high school and 16 years of age." He said "I know." <BR>He sounded very embarrassed.<P>Maybe he is having a relationship with her. It doesn't sound quite right to me. He has said that he did kiss her, yep, girl #2, but that was all. Maybe K Mole saw the kiss, or found out about it, and that is what has started this whole kit and caboodle. Who knows.<P>All I know is that I'm sitting back watching it all unfold. Better than Young and the Restless any day !!!<P>Lostva - how are you doing ? I responded to you the other day, and sent prayers your way. Along with the biggest hug...<BR>I also think that there is more to this than meets the eye. We'll see what transpires over the next few days.<P>You'll never guess what. Our new TV season has started here, and I had Dharma and Greg on. She or he was eating pop tarts !!! I couldn't believe it. I probably wouldn't have picked up on it except for what you have said. When 'whoever' was eating them, I kept looking at it thinking about it with bacon....... still laughing about that one, and probably will until the day I die !!!<P>Hope all is settling down for you.<P>love you too<P>Jo<P><BR>DuncanMac - thanks. maybe all this bull has finally taught me something, and that is patience. I am in no hurry to rush in and try to find out everything that is happening and being said. If H wants to tell me, he will. He has shared so much about their relationship over the last 3/4 days - not that I really needed or wanted to hear or know any of it, however, at least he is communicating with ME.<BR>Thanks so much for your support, and I will keep you posted.<P>Take care of you, and your W<P>big hugs to you, Jo<P><BR>SDS - wouldn't you just pay to be a fly on the wall sometimes ??<BR>K MOLE must be going insane wondering what the dickens is going on. Is he on with other girl from work, or is he reconciling with his wife ?? The questions that girl must have...... Do I care........NOPE !!!!<P>I would love to have that crystal ball to see what the next couple of weeks have in store for all of us involved in this little drama....I guess time will tell.<BR>I hope for some clarification re my feelings. I am trying so hard to pray, to find guidance from somewhere, or at least a gentle 'shove' in the right direction...<BR>The feelings must be there somewhere, they have to be. I really think that it was hurting so bad, I have just buried them. Now if I can just find that map that will tell me where they are. !!!<P>I know I sound so flippant, but I guess I'm scared. This guy has hurt me like I have never been hurt before, the heartache actually physically hurt. I guess I'm not telling you guys anything that you don't already know, or haven't felt.<BR>There's a new song by Savage Garden (Brisbane band that have just made in big in the states apparently) that is in the charts at the moment called the Affirmation song, and one particular line goes something like <P>"you never know true love til you've been burned"<P>Well, I guess we all know true love.<P>Well, here's one more sad lonely little puppy that needs lots of fingers crossed, lots of candles, and lots of prayers.<P>Thanks everyone, I'll let you know when anything happens.<P>Take care of you<P>Jo<P>

Hey You!!! Glad to see you back on board. Have missed you a lot.<P>It sounds like things may, just may, be getting better for you. I must agree with everyone else here, take things slow and easy. My thoughts and prayers are with you, as always!!!! <P>I've been gone for a few days, went to see my in-laws. Heard some interesting things from them. <P>More later.....<BR><P>------------------<BR>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.<P>www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie<BR>

MMMMM, Poptarts!!! Wanted to reprint that thread and can't seem to find the darn thing!! better start cleaning up some of the stuff I have printed around here anyway...not long now!!! <P>Glad to hear from you. I replied to your post to me! I'd better go check. Weird stuff keeps happening to posts around here these days. Hang in there, Hon. You're doing great!<P>Luv ya,<P>Lori

I'm not sure what the dickens is happening anymore....<P>I have tried not to ask questions.<P>It seems as though he is almost throwing this relationship, or whatever it is, with girl #2, also from his work, in my face.<P>His tone of voice on the phone is almost smart aleck, like he's some big stud or something.<P>I have just had some good news about the legal proceedings from his old job (the one in Sydney he got sacked from). They have settled out of court. It makes me glad that they have settled, as it vindicates H, but it also seems to signal the end of my marriage in some way. It also seems to say that that was how much my marriage was worth... the payout amount......<P>I really feel that moving to Sydney was the worst mistake of our lives, as that was when time for 'us' disappeared. For 2 years, he worked so hard, and put in so many hours. I grew resentful and made a life for myself, with girlfriends, that didn't include him as he was never there, even on weekends. I really believe in my heart of hearts that that was the cause of our problem, we had no time for us. End of story. We had a relationship built on trust, we still cuddled on the settee watching tv, we still held hands, we still had a great sex life, then....... he got the sack. Went to Melb, met K mole, and that was that....<P>Now he's single, and obviously enjoying it. He really did seem to be gloating when I questioned him about girl #2. I did ask whether she was the new flame (LB I know) but I'm female, and have to ask these things......!!!!!!!!<BR>He did take the time to 'reassure' me that he is not sleeping with her, but as he said the same about K mole, I am loathe to believe him again.<P>AAAggghhhhhhhh, this is starting to hurt again, I can feel a shutdown coming on.<BR>But, I won't stop posting this time., I promise. I think somehow, I'll need you guys.<P>Will keep you posted<P>hugs to everyone<P>Jo<P>

Jo<P>I can hardly write this, have tears in my eyes - all my memories coming back, the pain, then hope, then more, deeper pain.<P>The first lie is hard, after that it becomes a habit. Be careful, go slow.<P>I am not saying for one minute to give up on him so to speak, just be careful, give yourself lots of love and care.<P>He seems to be in a "another place" right now and maybe this is something he just has to do but it's almost as if he is treating your like his mum, confessing his sins (well maybe not all of them) and asking to be forgiven.<P>Put your energy into your own life now and when and if he's ready to try again, address the situation when it arises.<P>Jo, I feel your pain, I know your pain, I know the questions you're asking yourself - it does get better, it fades. It becomes bearable. Don't expect to know the answers now - it'll come to you in good time. You'll know what to do.<P>By the way - be careful not to blame the OW. I am sure she did not exert any force on your H to sleep with her. She's hurting, possibly even more than you?<P>A big hug from me - you're doing great.<P>MO