I've been gone from the boards (kinda sorta) for several weeks, haven't posted any new threads here in the general forum... I have an extensive history here at MB (I think I've posted here more than anyone else, by shear number of posts anyway)and my profile is current (look under the sunglasses to read it).<P>For those of you who don't know: David had a physical affair two weeks ago with the second church lady. I have been devistated, of course, as is the custom around here and in real life. But something happened yesterday that changed my perspective, and I'd like to tell you about it...<P>I was at an all-time low, feeling heavy (and had, in fact, gained 7 pounds in the last two weeks!), pathetic, lonely, misunderstood, and generally gawd-awful. I went to have some blood work, and then swung by the place where the OW works to check her out because I'd never seen her. I was so brazen I even walked into the store to get a really good look. As it turned out, she wasn't there.<BR> <BR>Last night was church and Bible study night... I left early enough to swing by the <BR>store again - I was becoming obsessed with seeing this woman. Her store is one of those storefront type buildings with that dark cellophane stuff on the windows for when the sun really bakes... and in the dark, you can see in, but they can't see out very well. I figured I was safe. There was a place right <BR>in front with a perfect view in the window. I looked in, and immediately saw her - and I gasped out loud! I had immediate and complete pity on this woman! Any bad feelings toward her that I had melted away... <BR> <BR>Why? I'm sure you're wondering... <BR> <BR>There was something very sad about her... she is very, very heavy (much heavier than David alluded to) she has BRIGHT red hair, pasty skin, freckles (hey, nothin' wrong with the freckles, I have 'em)... kinda like a heavy <BR>female Conan O'Brian... very NOT LIKE I expected. She was on the phone, and <BR>she smiled... but it was a sad smile. You know what I mean?? The feeling of smacking her around turned into one of wanting to go in and hug her, tell her I was sorry that my H was such an [censored] in how he treated her. You see, he slept with her and disappeared off the earth - he came home, turned off his cell phone, and didn't tell me about her until afterwards. She found out he moved back home from a mutual friend. Then David called her, after the fact... Not good. But I digress...<P>Of course, I won't tell OW anything at all. That's David's business to take care of.<BR> <BR>I went home last night, and as I was getting ready to go to bed, I weighed myself. This is so odd, because as you are well aware you're usually heavier after a day of eating, bloating, etc... and I ate a big lunch <BR>and two pancakes for dinner (18 yr. old daughter cooked! Having old kids is GREAT)... anyway, I was FIVE POUNDS LIGHTER!!! Five whole pounds!! It's as if a weight was lifted off of me!<BR> <BR>So, you may wonder... what to do with my H? I think what I'm gonna do is move out alone, leave him with the kids (they're older teens 18 1/2, 17 1/2, 15 1/2) or maybe take just my oldest daughter with me... not sure yet. I won't file for divorce just yet. Funny thing is, I told David about this, and told him that he needed to see OM the way I see OW... all along, because OM is Hispanic and he has this prejudice, he assumed that OM was a scumbucket who couldn't possibly have loved me, let alone wanted me for anything other than "uh-hum". Truth is, OM was hurt too... and it's sad.<BR> <BR>So, onward I trod... and I feel pretty darned hopeful about my life today! <P>~Sheryl<BR> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited February 10, 2000).]

Wow. Ok, so that answers my e-mail question!<P>Well, I've erased the next line 3 times, so I guess I'm back to just "wow".<P>Be good to you.<P>Luv ya,<P>Lori

Hey, Sheryl. I'm sure glad to hear that you've turned a corner. That alley you were in was pretty dark and ominous.<P>As Lori said, just be good to yourself.<P>Remember we love ya....<P>--DeWayne--<P>Yeah, what Lori said: <B>WOW!!</B>

Hey New Beginning,<P>Maybe now your name really fits! I knew you would turn that dark corner. What a good start!<P>Maybe if I let go of all my bad feelings about OW I'll lose 5 lbs!!!<P>It's great to see you feeling so upbeat again. Hope it continues forever.<P>Peppermint

Hi Sheryl,<P>I don't know what to say right now. It sounds like you are on a journey to "find yourself" again. Much hugs to you, my friend. I'll support you in whatever you decide to do.

Sheryl,<P>Like Lori, you just answered my e-mail too.<P>You DO sound wonderful....it is not just today. Even though you have been dragged around the floors of hell these past few weeks...you have beencoming across differently in your posts, friends. Please take this in the way I am trying to say it...in no way am I trying to minimize what you are going through. I know you hurt beyond belief!<P>It just seemed to me that even though you were in extreme pain...you were coming across as clearer, more focused and your posts were stronger.<P>This experiencehas changed you, Sheryl. No matter how it all ends up...you are stronger and wiser and there is even a strong sense of confidence here today. to pity the woman who has caused you so much grief these past couple of weeks...that is COMPASSION, my friend. Your compassion and empathy for others is unbelievable!!!<P>Sheryl, David has really screwed up, because YOU ARE A GOOD EGG!!!!!!!<P>Prayers and hugs..........<P>Desiree<P>PS. Congrats on the 5 pounds! That is positive!<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Sheryl,<P>It's amazing what seeing the OW has done for you. Well for whatever reason, I'm just happy that you are doing better than before. <P>You know, I've heard something before about how stress actually does weigh. And something to the effect of when a burden is lifted from you spiritually, you can also lose physically. Sounds strange, but I guess that's what happened with you.<P>I hope you will gain full clarity onthis entire situation. It seems as if you are on your way to finding peace with or without David. And ofcourse, I support you in whatever you decide. I just want you to be happy and start getting what you deserve-- the best!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Like the othjers said...WOW...<P>Be good to you remember...you are a wonderful ladie..<P>Stay strong..<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

<B>Lori</B>,<P>Wow is right! Although tonight I'm losing a bit of my resolve...<P>DEEP BREATH...<P>Love ya too!<P>Hey <B>DeWayne</B>, <P>Long time, no hear from!!!!!<P>I'm glad I've turned a corner too... but you know me, have to turn back and take a look again... having a bit of a tough night... but not about OW, of that I am still 100% sure - pity only for her!<P>I'm working at being good to me!<P>Hi <B>peppermint</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Hey New Beginning, maybe now your name really fits!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I hope so... I'm becoming a bit apprehensive right this very second... but still hopeful...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Maybe if I let go of all my bad feelings about OW I'll lose 5 lbs!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If I wouldn't have seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it!!! <P>Hey there, <B>NoTrust</B>,<P>Yep, on that dang journey... whether I want to be or not! Now David is saying he'll NEVER leave me, NEVER move from here, that he REALLY wants to work this out. Fine timing, huh? So... now, confusion for me again...<P>Hi <B>Desiree</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Even though you have been dragged around the floors of hell these past few weeks...you have beencoming across differently in your posts...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Really? Because I thought I was coming across as a whiney pitiful pathetic woman, if you'd like the truth. Besides that, I am past the point of wanting to work on this marriage, and I feel guilty about that. Boy, it's amazing the difference of perceptions... I sure hope you're right... maybe I am stronger, more compassionate than I give myself credit for!<P>Hello princess <B>jamie-lee</B>,<P>I so agree with the premise that stress weighs... I'm reading a wonderful book called, "Anatomy of the Spirit" that talks alot about this... and other diseases that are caused by stress and continued pain - oh my gosh; cancer, heart disease... all the baddies... no hemorroids mentioned, only the stuff that kills ya! Bad.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It seems as if you are on your way to finding peace with or without David.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I sure hope so. David and I have some core of something (love?) that continues to hold us together through thick and thin... only God knows the way of the path right now... I'm stopping again for a much-needed rest!<P>My dear <B>Bill</B>,<P>I'll stay strong... a little wavering, teetering some days... ah heck, some MOMENTS, but under it all I am strong...I know this to be true. <P>You too, okay??<P><B>EVERYONE</B>,<P>Thank you for your support... Big hugs and love to all of you!! <BR>