When I found out about this affair my husband called this woman to say it was over. I then spoke to her and I guess threatened her a lot (I was still in shock).Since then we have been to counceling, we have read all books people have advised and we listed and respect one another's Basic Needs. The problem is that I can't get over he still works with her. This was a friendship prior to romance which scares the death out of me. Every time he leaves for work I go into a deep depression and imagine the worst in everything. I realize that after reading many letters in here that two months is a short time to feel better. Sometimes I can be holding him and hating her at the same time. I know it takes two and I guess I have a lot of resentful thought for him too. How can you build trust when you were lied to about the entire relationship they had. How can you know it's over just because they were found out? How do I know she really isn't still trying to be with him? I know I have a lot of questions, but I'm new to this and would appreciate any help learning to cope and overcome this.

Welcome,<P>Let me be the first to tell you, you are not alone!!<P>I'm not the best at giving advice, but I will send the two people that have helped me the most to your post. JL and Kathi.<P>All I can offer is, post and read, post and read...give it some time.<P>Hang in there!<BR>James

Welcome--<BR>I'm pretty new to this also, having only found out recently about my H's emotional affair with a co-worker, so I'm not sure how much help I can be. But, I wanted to let you know you are not alone.<BR>NSR (the local welcome wagon) will probably post to you soon with a welcome msg including links to various helpful areas of the site...tho you may have found them already...there are several on infidelity on the homepage.<BR>Have you read "After the Affair" (Spring)? I have not yet (its coming from amazon), but it was highly recommended to me.<BR>I do understand your feelings when your H goes to work...mine cannot easily find a new job either, but does have a job interview next week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.<BR>Does your H seem to miss her? Mine sure does, which is hard to see. <BR>As for whther she is trying to get him back, you'll see as you read other's posts that many times the OP (other person)does. But the truth is that it was up to your H to get involved the first time, and it is up to him to not get involved again. She's not your problem...he is. <BR>I'd also advise you to try to understand what your H was missing in his marriage that left a spot of fertile ground for this affair to grow in. <BR>Hang in there--<BR>Kathi <BR> <BR>

My H is having an affair with OW from the office. We almost got back together once, but he would have had to change jobs within a few weeks, (as soon as he found one) and I think that frightened him. <P>On the extreme, it is recommended to MOVE FAR AWAY. That not being possible, but a job is replaceable for the most part. TO give you peace of mind.<P>There is no guarantee its over. It might be, but as soon as you have a fight, it might not be. All ties with this OW has to end, so you can start to recover from this. Otherwise, you will be a wreck every time he goes to work.<P>I don't want to give you a bad feeling, but I think it is going to be hard with him and her having daily contact. From my experience, and the books I have read, its a bad idea. Read Private Lies by Dr Pittman as well as the Harley books. Educate yourself and don't let this turn into an argument (LB)with H. <P>Good for you yelling at OW!!!!! <P>Good luck, prayers are with you!

My h worked at the same location as OW for over 1 1/2 years after their affair ended. It is a big place and he didn't see her often at all. Of course they sought each other out as often as possible during their affair. <P>He did spend several months after me finding out looking for her vehicle in the parking lot that sort of thing. It doesn't matter how trivial it may sound, if you have been betrayed no amount of interest, contact or mental acknowledgement on the part of the betrayer with the OP is trivial.<P>The ow just recently quite and moved away. It was a major weight off of my shoulders, and it seemed to be off of his too. This of course hurt me because I took it as him missing her or feeling that he had "lost her forever".<P>No Contact is crucial. My H had ended it with OW twice before I found out and ended up going back to her. He ended it before I found out, but was still having contact with her so it wasn't truly over.