it a fair chance. Unless he rules her out!<P>Hi all!<P>Emotional Sunday, but then again when is a day not emotional under these circumstances??? <P>Anyway, H said just a short time ago that if he does the right thing and tries to save the marriage that he will be angry and a jerk everyday and not be able to give it a chance. I told him at first until the withdrawal passes that would be the case - after that things will change. What do I do - I am not sure I can give it a chance later if he moves out. Too much rejection - what do I tell him???<P>Help me - I feel like I am ready to beg and plead for a second chance. I am at the end of my emotional rope!!!<P>

Don't beg and plead, dhj. It seems like the hardest thing in the world to do, but you have to calmly tell him that he has to do what he wants. And if he needs to move out to think about it, then that's fine too.<P>I'm moving out Thursday, not because I want to, but because she (my SO) refuses to admit anything than that her OM is her only friend right now. I can't stand to stay in this house any longer. I woke at 4 am today, and read Tolkien, until I heard her sneak in at 6:30. She treats me like I'm inhuman.<P>Moving out maybe the only way to intervene in the insanity. You must let him make his own mind up: just have the attitude that if he never comes back, you will be fine; and if he decides to work on it, you will give him the chance. Begging him only drives him away. It's impossible to be attractive when begging....<P>It's still awful that you have to suffer though. Take care of yourself, and don't forget that you alone are strong enough to handle anything!<P>EC

He's being honest. You are knowlegable about withdrawal. He is not a true believer in it's temporary pain and how feelings can be rekindled for his wife in time.<P>Bottom line: you are a believer in Dr. Harley's principles. Now you have to step out on faith. <P>If you want your husband by your side, you have to show your him that you can take the anger, the bitterness, the horrible hangover effects he will exhibit during withdrawal.<P>Being desperate and showing a lack of personal strength in response to your husband's rash statements is normal, but not for a true believer. You are a true believer. You have to lead the way. You know that withdrawal can pass, you need to demonstrate that now. Surprise him NOW with your strength, your courage, your understanding, and most importantly, your new found lack of neediness. Refuse to break down in desperation, look at the long term like you are asking him to. What's the point in being a hypocrite, lead by example.<P>I know that's a tall order for someone with an empty Love Bank who's been mistreated unfairly, but it is obvious to me that you are well versed in Dr. Harley's teachings. You have read the many success stories. You know the stages of recovery by heart.<P>Why, girl, are you not living out your faith? You can do it. Fake it til you make it if you have to. Personal strength is always a good solution, regardless of the future. Knock that excuse of his right out of the water about "if I stay, I'll mistreat you and you can't take the heat". Show him NOW that you can. He will respect you for it and if things still don't work out, you will know you did your very best and be a stronger person to boot. His slut can't compete with a lady like that.<BR>

Amen to what cuckold said.<P>dhj, <P>You be the one to show unconditional love in the face of rejection. <BR>You be the one to stand strong at this time.<BR>You be the one to face all the junk that it caries.<P>It's not fair. But, I promise you one thing. You will be a better lady through it. You will be stronger, more loving, and more caring. Show him the kind of W he will miss if he decides to go. Your time will come later. And, you will reap what you sow. So, sow bountifully. You can do it!!!<P>As vmv told says, you can't make him love you, you can only help him realize he does.<P>We're with you dhj!!!<P>SHA<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. <BR>

Don't beg......no matter how much you want to. At one time I actually waived a white flag...no joke. I told him I couldn't take it anymore. You need to look at yourself, you are alot stronger than you realize. It's hard right now especially if you are having trouble eating or sleeping, but pray for one more day. If things hadn't worked out for me, I knew I would be a better person in the end no matter what. Get counseling alone, it did me a world of good. The more I went the better I did. Find that strength deep inside to hang on. Bottom line is he is the one that should be begging you to keep him, but unfortunately it doesn't usually work that way.