I just got done crying for the past half hour, i just want her to move home and us to be a family again. I am so mad at her and the OM why did they let this happen, its just an EA but it is one strong one for her to leave me and the kids. We have had a lot of positive steps in the past two weeks but damn this is hard. We are going out as a family tonight, acting 101 will be on. She went to counseling last night maybe something will wake her up. It will be a month on the 22nd and i didn't think it would last a week. We still see each other every day cause of the kids. My 3 year old asks me where she is sometimes and i just tell her at work but damn it is hard. I asked her out this weekend for V day but haven't got an answer yet. She talks about all these things for the house and future but he was over at her brothers the other night watching TV with her(her brother told me)There goes that honesty she promised me. THIS SUCKS!!!!! I WANT MY FAMILY AND WIFE! i haven't kissed her for two monthes and we haven't been intimate since 1st week of October. I intiated a hug the other day and she gave one to me but when is she going to wake up/.<P>Sorry i'm just having a real sad day.<P>Derek

dhome<P>I'm sorry your down. It's in the air right now.<P>I have been where you are to a certain extent, My H never left me physically, but did emotionally.<P>Please don't harden your heart to her to protect yourself. That is where I am now, 2 years later. I'm scarred from the pain, not stengthend from the knowledge of what we did wrong. I have become cold and unresponsive in an attempt to protect my heart (I hope is isn't as a weapon against my betraying husband).<P>Please strive now, from so early on, not harden yourself and fill your heart with deadened, calloused scartissue that will be there forever.

It DOES suck! I want you to know I'm thinking of you and your kids. Sometimes I think I didn't make him leave orginally becasue of our kids. Time - and patience is the only thing I can see that helps, along with lots of prayers. I'll say one for ya. Keep the faith, as long as there is a chance don't let it go. I can't even make myself cry which I know will not help in the long run. Don't give up!

LuLu- thanks for the advice, that is what i'm afraid of, i'm afraid that my heart will become cold to her, I love her so much so i will build some scar tissue but right now i needed to vent. I have faith and believe the Lord has a plan that will make us a stronger and happier couple when this is over.<P>Going to Make it- Thanks for the prayers, i haven't cried til today since the day she left and took the kids for a night, almost 21/2 weeks ago. She takes them about 2 times a week which are hard nights but i don't want the kids to suffer from not seeing there mom. Prayers for you and thanks for the encouragement.<P>Derek

dhorne,<P>My H left on Xmas day, so we are about at the same time frame I think. My heart goes out to you along with my prayers. For some reason, today seems awful hard on a lot of us. I think I am dreading VDAY so much I am bringing it to myself. I know how hard it is to take care of the kids, hold down the fort and still stay strong. My H is outright living with OW and I just can't believe it. I know how it feels to have the OW/OM start associating with the family, what a slap in the face??<P>Try and keep your calm and Plan A going strong. Take care of your children, they need you and at least one solid force in their life right now. They may not realize it now, but when they get older, I believe they will know how well you took care of them.<P>Prayers are with you.

Thanks lonelymom, I need all the prayers i can get tonight. She left tonight for a weekend to find herself. She told me her counselor suggested it but i don't believe it. I know it is to go with the other man, and i think this is where it moves to a PA now. I plan A'd big before she left tonight, i had dinner ready for her, i had the kids give her a vday card, and i gave her one but she still left. She said i guess i gotta go through with this since (the hotel) will still charge her if she canceled. I said you can cancel if you want but you need to do what is going to help you. She gave me a hug after i gave her the card. God I hope she won't go through with it but only her and God knows what is going to happen. I LOVE HER SO MUCH but how much am i suppose to take. I went up and looked in her drawer and noticed some fancy underwear gone so i really don't have much belief this is a me only weekend for her. Why did she have to do it this weekend of all weekends? The 14th is so special to me cause it was the first time i ever told her i loved her.<P>Derek

I just responded to your other thread. I just want you to know there is always hope. H moved out 6 1/2 months ago for the first four there was no contact with anyone me, his son or daughter, grandchild or his parents. Then just before Turkey day he called his parents. since then he has visited them three times. Talked to his daughter a few times on the phone saw his son and talked to me four times on the phone Those phone conversation have been once a week for the past four weeks. We talk about our house we are trying to sell, our son (see profile) once when I told him I missed him he responded with O' sweetheart, the second time and this time when I said I love you he responded with I love you too. I am not sure what is happening but I can't imagine that it was a slip twice. BUt any way I think a little reality is strating to slip in so I have hope and you can too. It is a long difficult journey but you have many companions to help you a long the way. I know that if we keep trying we can do this.<BR>{{{{HUGS}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>