I want to feel 'safe' in a realtionship. That means a true and lasting commitment to me and our marriage. I also want to feel loved, special and respected. <BR>As for the sex aspect. I want to feel special. I would love to taken passionately again. Not just because he wants sex but because he wants sex with ME and I am the only one he wants that with. I would love to have a romantic evening planned. For him to fill a tub for me with candles and scented water, having it ready while I am getting the kids tucked in. After my bath be ready with more candle light and soft music, maybe some strawberries dipped in chocolate...you get the idea. Anyway, that would sure beat him coming up to me will we are sitting on the couch and saying "So you wanna?"J/K<BR>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole <p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited February 11, 2000).]

Ladies, <P>Thank you very much for the suggestions, please keep them coming. I am now making a list and hoping that I can get all of this done. I do think that I am about as sensitive as a man can be, but all of your suggestions are really helping. <P>Another thing, do you ladies like to receive lingerie as a gift? My wife gets really irritated if I get this for her and refuses to wear it. I tell her that I bought it for her because I believe that she would look fantastic in it, but she still does not like it. Am I doing something wrong?<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

Ladies, <P>Thank you very much for the suggestions, please keep them coming. I am now making a list and hoping that I can get all of this done. I do think that I am about as sensitive as a man can be, but all of your suggestions are really helping. <P>Another thing, do you ladies like to receive lingerie as a gift? My wife gets really irritated if I get this for her and refuses to wear it. I tell her that I bought it for her because I believe that she would look fantastic in it, but she still does not like it. Am I doing something wrong?<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

John,<P>I have never received lingerie as a gift...<P>I'm not complaining, I own some lovely things, but I bought them all for myself...<P>I love ths stores, the strolling, the feel of the silk....but it is not something I consciously do for Deut,...I do it for ME...<P>I do not believe you are doing anything wrong john, but she may just not like lingerie....<P>I have had some friends that wear men's shirts, or flannel pyjamas...not all women like llingerie, she may feel pressured into looking like some victoria's secret model..she may not be comfortable...<P>ask her....<P>maybe she would like to go and shop by herself....choose something for herself...and whatever she brings home, smile.... <P>my 2 cents...<P>Dylan<P>

Sometimes I am right on the verge of reaching over to my husband just to let him know I love him or to make a move and before I can he lets go of the biggest ugliest FART. I hate that and it turns me right off. I've told him and he says, Well I can't help it. So tell me men. Why did this never happen before we were married? Does being married losen your bowel control?<P>------------------<BR><P>

I have never recived sexy lingerie as a gift I always buy it. but I would love to open a little box up and it have lingerie in it. it would make me really happy to know he went to the store and picked something out he would like to see me in. But if your W dosent like it ask her why, is it because she thinks it is tastless? or dose she feel uncomfortable in it? it could be any thing, maybe like soulloss said she may like something she picks out herself<BR>but one thing H always said "never underestamate the power of a womens leg comming out of a mans dress shirt" his fav as you could guess,<BR>but just talk to her about it all, to tell you the truth she sounds like I did before H and I had a serious heart to heart about it.<BR>now look at me I'm posting stuff about oral sex on the BB for the world to see<P>just talk to her hun it might be as simple as that.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

John,<P>Is your W selfconscious about her body? Perhaps it's not the lingerie but the style or size. <P>Many years ago my H bought me very revealing teddy,,,WAYYYY too small. It was much less embarassing to say I could never wear that than to admit it wouldn't fit. Next year he bought me lingerie that looked like a parachute, ridiculously large,,VERYYYY insulting. You know, guys can be pretty oblivious to sizes and that's a very sensitive issue to many women. <P>Instead of making it a suprise, take her with you if possible to the closest Victoria's Secret or Fredericks. Let her pick out what she likes and throw in a few of your choice. Have her try them on and let it be her choice. Of course a few,,"Ohhhh yeahhhh"'s and "Ummm,,great"'s on your part could greatly influence the decision.

Here we are at VD, and I am realizing by reading this thread how much of a schmuck that I've been for a very long time...<P>I am a minimilist in affairs of the heart. I also love making an impression. I have the tendancy to put off the litle things in exchange for 'the big plan' in the future. Problem is, I don't allays do the big plan...<P>You ladies miss the little things like holding hands, surprise phone calls, poetry, flowers on an otherwise forgetable tuesday. Want a hint at what will get you thoose things? (Guys, listen up because the reverse works for you.)<P>Jump his bones when he doesn't expect it. Go down on him in a theatre. In a crowded elevator, put your back to his front, reach around and go below the belt. Be BLATANT. Not vulgar, but make it a MOMENT. Give him something to brag about on the golf course. I guarantee theat he'll be thinking of you all the time for the next week. I remember my a girlfreind just suddenly stripping off all her clothes as we were driving along. All she said was 'You better pull over, your clothes are coming off next.' You can bet the farm that I thought about that moment alot the next oh, year or so. Gave me inspiration to do all thoose little things. Wich in turn inspired her to big a MOMENT.<P>Women seem to like PAC MAN. Little by little, take your time, duck and weave. Add it all up and you get the prize.<P>Guys like to blow sh*t up. One shot, splat, big smile. <P>What does it all come down to? A Catch 22. People are best at inspiring thoose who inspire them. That's the great part about love. When the passion ebbs, the love can inpire.<P>But hey, it's just my thoughts..<P>------------------<BR>"Remember that every now and then you need to stop and eat the roses."<BR>-Bill The Cat

Hi John - this is PS, not PS's SO, but my only account is at work not home.<P>A bit ago you mentioned that your wife doesn't like oral sex performed on her. I have a couple thoughts. I know when I first wanted to do something like this for my wife, she was very hesitant - alot had to do with growing up in a strict/fairly religious household and the thought that it was "dirty" (although she enjoyed oral sex on me - and I did too :-P).<P>What really helped was to never criticize her body - make her feel really comfortable with her physical body and that you desire her totally and nothing about her is undesirable - I found one of the most satisfying things to be lying on my back with my wife on top of me and watching her touch herself until she reaches orgasm - it took awhile for her to feel comfortable doing this, but it opened up doors to other "adventures."<P>One of the other posts suggested a warm bath etc... One of the things that I think really turned on my wife to oral sex on her was starting at her toes and working my way up her legs - rather than working my way down :-). Whatever you do, just don't force anything on her - just tell her it is something you really want to do for her and that you would love for her to enjoy it :-).<P>Good luck John!

JOhn--re: your wife not wanting you to buy her lingerie, I'll add that a lot of women think of this as the man buying a gift for himself (ie, to please him, not her). Or, it could be any of the other suggestions made to you already...