I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe I should of titled this Becareful what you wish for you might just get it but not quite like you wanted. In the post H after 4 months contacted parents, I told you that H contacted his parents and wanted to spend Thanksgiving but they were coming to D. He then saw them last Saturday. Well, now our mortgage company contacted him and he agreed to pay half starting in Dec. They called me early this afternoon to tell me. Then my D just called H called her. I don't know what he said because she couldn't talk. I know I have wanted some response from him but I am certainly not handling it very well. I don't know what to think. My emotions are I am not even sure what they are doing. I am afraid to even think. I don't want to think I don't even want to feel anything. I need a lot of prayers to get through what everis going to happen. I know I have to trust God that is the only way I will make it. They don't have an icon to fit how I feel right now I guess it is bewilderment. I have no one but you guy to talk to. And I thank God that I found you all you have helped me through so many crisises. Thanks <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Diana,<P>I know you are confused - Gosh aren't we just all!!<P>I think this is GREAT news that your H is going to start paying half the note! Who knows why? Too early to tell! Don't care - be ever so glad. This will REALLY help you financially!<P>I have been praying for you, your job and house situation. Here's one thing that's not "fixed", but certainly has got to be a big help and load off of you!<P>Go ahead and cry, Diana. We have so much pent up emotion - the love and the anger and hurt we want to give to our absentee S's. You just need to let them out sometin=mes, and this seeems like a good night to.<P>You know, since we are spiritual twins - one of us is always strong when the other one is weak. Cry all you want to friend, I feel strong enough today to hold us both up!!<P>When you feel better, write and let us know what he told D. That in itself is a MIRACLE! Jim might be finding his conscience!!!!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

update. I am feeling a little better. I actually ran 101 degree temperature last night, I never run a tempt that high. <BR>H's conversation wasn't much. She was real busy at work so couldn't really talk. He asked about the babies and how they were growing. Even asked about our dog D told him the dog was depressed kept setting at the door waiting. He asked how she was doing and little more about S. Then he asked about how "MOM's (me) job was going. D told him it was part-time and I was on contract when work was done I didn't have a job no benefits. Now this conversation occurred after I found out he would be paying half of the mortgage. This really worries me. I guess my D is right I am a pessimist and in this case it is probably a good thing. I won't get my hope up high because I am looking at the downside. I am still undecided about telling him when S's next doctor's visit is. I am really confused. I spent my evening yesterday feeling lousy and crying.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Diana,<P>I know it's really hard for us to not get our hopes up. And, I know how confusing it is to us when our H's continue to send conflicting messages. My therapist gave me some advice once, and that was to not try to interpret their actions. At the time, I felt that's like someone telling you to 'not think about pink elephants'. But, he was right. You especially cannot try to interpret what he is doing as you have no interaction with him. You would at best, be guessing, because you do not have all the pieces. Even if you did, there is a good possibility that even he does not know why he is doing what he is doing.<P>So, with this in mind, you can only control what you do, as well as what you feel and think. You have no control over him. Undoubtedly, he does not have control over himself, either, right now. As RMA pointed out, just look at this as a good thing, in that it will help to take the financial stress off of you.<P>I have not had a chance to EMail you recently, due to my present situation. Ever since H came back home Thanksgiving night, he has been 'different'. At this point, I don't know why, so I am still in a precarious position. I, too, am trying like crazy to not get my hopes up. But, there has been a change. It's almost like the aliens have returned him to his body. He has been attentive to me, considerate, & genuinely affectionate. For the last two days, he has been getting up with me (at 05:00) to sit with me while I am having breakfast. Yesterday, he tried to call me at work (first time in months). He no longer appears to be self-absorbed, and the torment, and conflict seem to have disolved from him. It's like his Giver is finally back.<P>I just don't know what to make of this. But, I'm trying to just live for the moment right now. I still feel very insecure. When I drive home each afternoon, I fully expect him to be gone again.<P>Did you get a chance to read that post out there by Ceecee, & Lostva? Many of us are lighting a candle each evening for all of us. To help us get through this holiday season together. I hope you will join us.

Thanks Sidney, I don't think I am getting my hopes up as I can't make hands or tales out of all this. I am really trying to do one day at a time. I feel better today but am really tired must have been a bug of some sort. That definitely did help matters yesterday. <P>I will keep saying prayers for you that the alien stay away. Maybe he did get things resolved but watch out for withdrawal. <P> I read Ceecee's and Lostva post. Everyone has been sick here since the holidays so we haven't done much but htis weekend we are going to put the Chrsitmas decorations and my D and I have already talked about lighting the candle, so we will do it this weekend. <P>Don't worry about sending any emails till things settle down just post once in awhile to let me know how things are going. Do you still have time to check email if you do let me know and I'll email you otherwise I just post here.<BR><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

SDS Take a break, get well and cry all you want. I think it's really great that he's gonna pay half. But, you're right for not getting too excited too fast.<P>You've had enough to deal with. And now a fever. Take some time for you. We're here if you need us.<P>Lori

Thanks Lostva, I am feeling better. The fever broke last night. I am just really tired tonight so I am taking it easy. It is nice to have so much support. It really helps to be able to talk to people who know what I am going through. I really like yours and Ceecee idea for the candles, Oklahoma will be joining this weekend! Again thanks for being there<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Diana,<P>Sorry you have been sick...stressed out, girl!!<P>I wondered why you automatically thought it was bad that your H called your D and then asked about you and job? Why are you associating that with the mortgage company thing? Could have no relationship at all.<P>Maybe he is just checking to see if you are OK? Maybe his conscience is starting to REALLY get to him? Don't discount this yet!<P>Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>