1. It was kind of surprising that at least for many people on this board (both male and female) we seem to want alot of the same things - looks like if we treat our SO the way we would like to be treated, both parties can be satisfied both lovingly and sexually.<P>2. On the other hand, although there were alot of similarities, the whole idea of "what men and women want," is kind of silly, I'm not sure it is fair to generalize male and female wants and needs - I know that I took the "needs" test with my W and my sexual need was farther down the list than she or I expected. <P>Guess all I am saying is that talking openly about your wants and needs regarding both emotional and physical intimacy is the only way you will find out what the other partner wants. These conversations can really get emotionally charged, because it is easy to feel like you are being attacked for not fulfilling some need that you didn't know existed or you thought you actually were doing well. It might be good to set ground rules on a conversation like that - like each of you gets 5 minutes to NON-JUDGEMENTALLY express your feelings without the other person responding until it is their turn. Just try to avoid saying things like "you NEVER..." or "I wish you would..." or other potentially destructive statements. Maybe instead try to say things like "I like it when... can youy do that more often," or "I enjoy doing this for you - do you like that'" etc...<P>Does this seem reasonable??

Yes.<P>I've often said that men are like dogs -- it's easier to train them through positive reinforcement than by punishment.<P>You housebreak a dog by praising him when he goes outside, not by punishing him when he has accidents inside. Spouses are the same.<P>No offense meant, guys. <P>I think that many of us end up duplicating your parents' marriages from day one, not realizing it took them 25 years to start bickering that much.

This is where I've been all mixed up. I've been reading marriage counselling crap and all along I've been in the wrong section at the library!<P>Going to go back and read the book I used with the Airdale from He!! "How to be Your Dog's Best Friend - Training Secrets for a Lifetime of Happiness Together"

If you want some other resources check out books on motivating students in the classroom, or motivating in general. Maybe a couple sales titles. That's generally what we try to do for our partners. Convince them they want to buy the product we're selling, and motivate them to keep working at the marriage. Gosh that seems so base, but you know principles from one discipline often overlap others.

HEYYYYYY - NO FAIR!!! We didn't make any nasty analogies about women!!!!<P>We are not like dogs!!! We only have accidents in the house when we come home drunk and can't find the bathroom, we only pant uncontrollably when we are really horny...HMMM...we do whine alot, most of us would prefer laying around all day rather than going to work...UH OH...we seem to have a natural tendancy to chase after puss.. er kitty cats, and if we could lick ourselves "down there" I'm sure we would.<P>Oh My God!!!!! Arf Arf :-P<P>No offense taken - I know what you both meant - it's nice to have a little humor during the day too :-)) <P>Lisa - let us know what tips your "training" book gives that might be helpful :-P<BR>

PS--Too Funny!

PS; LOL

PS -- You might add scratching myself to the list, but there is no way I am going lick myself.

Woof! Woof!<P>p.s. to E.S.<BR>If I could lick myself, I never would have gotten married!

so what makes you guys think women are so much different....?

Chris! Laughed my fool head off at your response in the PS!!! hahahahahahaha<P>How about reading some of Breaking the Will without Breaking the Spirit?? (Hope that's the name of it!) Something re: raising children with respect??<P>HAHAHAHAHA, still thinking about how Chris wouldn't have gotten married if he could lick himself HAHAHAHAHAHA