My regular counselor went out early on maternity leave and I went to a new one yesterday. I was somewhat worried about how it would go but this woman seems very competent and gave me some different views and thoughts on my situation. I guess the bottom line is that I can't stay in the situation that I am in much longer. My H refuses to leave the house so I can't move to Plan B and he won't stop seeing the OW and staying out all night drinking. I have to do something so I think this weekend I will tell him there are two choices. One work on our marriage no seeing the OW, get help for his drinking problem, stay home nights and possibly go to counseling. If he doesn't want to do this then I am going to proceed with the divorce. I know it may sound extreme but for the last six months I have been to he** and back. I still don't sleep well, eat well or basically feel well.<P>I spent 4 days in the hospital because of the situation and I don't want that to happen. I feel that he has the best of both worlds right now and Plan A doesn't seem to be working. So to keep myself sane and well I think this is what I have to do.

You are in a very hard situation. I too know what it is like to have gone from H@@l and back.<BR>I filed for divorce and after I did it, I felt all wrong about it. I had to because H was going to try to buy a condo and take our son, and I wanted all of our children raised together. Now it seems foolish that I did because now he is considering taking another job in another town and son would not move.<BR>What I am trying to say is that think this all through.<BR>Your H affair is so likely to end sooner than you think. He does need help with his drinking and you do have to take care of yourself and protect your feelings. But I have found that giving ultimatums just do not work out for me.<BR>I am not saying keep getting dumped on. Only we know when we have had enough of all this [censored] they put on us.<BR>I am just saying that maybe there is away to protect yourself and your feeling and not push your H in a corner. He will resent it and I do not think it will get you anywhere.<P>I have learned that whenever I send information on affairs or mid life crisis to my H email he just gets mad and does not read it. I can only help him by my actions.<P>I do not know if this helps. If you feel like you are at the end of your rope we are all here to support you!

Thanks for the response. I think I may be at the end of my rope because the more crap he pulls (seeing the OW, staying out all night) the more I am angry at him and my love bank is almost in the red. I realize that most affairs die sooner or later but it has been six months since I found out something was going on and what my H has put me through since then is almost unforgivable, even though I am willing to try and work things out. I believe that alcohol is the main factor in the whole mess. He met the OW in a bar and to my knowlege whenvever they are together they are either in a bar or someplace doing something that involves drinking.