HI to all friends on the forum,<P>You guys aren't getting sick of me yet are you>? I must be driving you all nuts because at some point I went from a junior member to a member this week!! Just noticed it!<P>My best friend (girl of 15 yrs) got an email from H yesterday. It said "are you still my friend?". Best friend almost fell off her chair, but decided to play along and sent me a copy. SHe has sent me the copy. It was cut and pasted as he did something to it so she couldn't forward to me.<P>What I am looking for is an interpretation or hidden feelings behind this letter. If you don't know me well enough yet, I am always searching for reasons behind things, and forever most the truth. I am cutting it and pasting it now...<BR>******************************************<BR>Hello,if you could please use my aol account because everything through the other gets checked first. I don't need my work harping on me. You still have that address right?If not just look at top of page.When did you get a computer?(must be nice)Money bags!!!!!!!<BR>> I really wish Dana and I didn't have to fight all the time. Hopefully someday everyone will understand why I did it.I am truely sorry for what I have put her and the kids thru, she doesn't want to hear that though. She seems to be keeping her mind off of it(new boyfriend). Well better go get some work done, keep in touch.<BR>><BR>>Still your friend,<P>****************************************<P>Best friends reply was basically why do you call everyday 3 times a day to talk to the kids and why are you involving police. <P>In my own defense, I DO NOT have a boyfriend, maybe I was followed last Saturday, maybe he is trying to pull something out of her, or make himself feel better. My followers know that I did run into EXBoyfriend (dont' know abbrev.) last week. Ya I did have some fun, not in the name of revenge, but in the name of "what in the h*ell is the big deal. Ya I had fun, would still prefer my old life any day. Ya I can move on, but not ready and taking advice to stear clear of OM right now. But I don't think he has any clue of this, or I wouldn't BE ALIVE talking to you all. HE is really jealous and told me he doesn't want me seeing ANYONE right now.<P>I went to court today and was going to file all my custody, temp domestic order and spousal support, but GOOD OLD HONEST ABE LINCOLN had the place shut down. (someone tell me how to put those smile things in!!! <P>Also, I found a good site, divorce.net that goes by state and found out, really H can't divorce me unless he tried for cruel and inhuman treatment (not, I am a sweet heart) yet I can divorce him for adultry tomorrow. So he has to file an order of seperation for one year. This will buy me time to decide if I want the marriage. I doubt that Cruel treatment thing can hold, because there is no proof and no cruel treatment. <P>ANy advice on any of my update is well appreciated. Prayers to you all<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You guys aren't getting sick of me yet are you>? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Not at all, I too became a member within the first week of discovery of this site. Ask anything you'd like.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am truely sorry for what I have put her and the kids thru, she doesn't want to hear that though. She seems to be keeping her mind off of it(new boyfriend). <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Maybee he is really sorry. He had to know that she was going to tell you what he said. After all she is your bestfriend. He maybe trying to send you a message through her.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Ya I did have some fun, not in the name of revenge, but in the name of "what in the h*ell is the big deal. Ya I had fun, would still prefer my old life any day. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I wouldn't exactly be referring to having a one night stand with old boyfriend as 'some fun.' I know you were the betrayed and like I responded to you in the thread before, it's understandable why you were vunerable. But calling what you did fun doesn't sound too remorseful if you now what I mean. Or maybe you just don't feel it yet. But you are going to have to face the fact and tell your H about this! He does deserve to know despite everything he's done. (Rule of Honesty) Now I can't tell you when or how to tell him, but in my opinion you need to. <BR>I know you think by not telling him this, will allow him not to file for a year and it will buy you time. But I strngly believe in whatever you do coming out into the light. And you will hate for this to come back and bite you in the butt after things started to work out. Maybe this will show him what he is doing to you and how he is coming so close to losing you. He has put you through so much. Keep on Plan Aing as much as you can. <P><BR>Know that we are hear for you always. I'm rooting for your marriage. I hate the pain you are going through. You are in my prayers!<P> <BR><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Lonelymom,<P>I think he probably really does feel bad, but wants to lay some of the blame for his mistake at your doorstep. Thank the maker for best friends! My state has no-fault divorce, so if my H decides to file, I can't really oppose. I might can delay it, but eventually it WILL happen if he wants it. Right now I can rely on the fact that we can't really afford to get divorced. Maybe that will give us some time to work some of this junk out. I think if he would break off contact with OW we would have a much better chance. But, we have made some progress (read my thread "Cautiously optimistic"). Best of luck to you.<P>Blessed be.<P><P>------------------<BR>Keridwen

Jamie Lee - In response to your reply thank you for the kind words. I have to say that I did have fun that night, the talking, the honesty and all. The intimate part was not "fun" it was different. Without getting too detailed, good yes, but different. I still would take my H any day, but I hope you understand at the time I did that, I was almost dead. Not only emotionally, but physically as well. I have lost so much weight and sleep and energy, I still don't even think straight.<P> I do believe you all, the guilt will come, and I dread the thought. I do have every intention to tell him of it , trust me when I say that, I am the most honest person out there. I am not telling him to hurt him, or at a bad time, but when the time is right.<P>In all honesty, he may know, he has me followed a lot of the time, and I believe he definetly suspects. As a matter of fact, I have another email he sent me weeks ago when he thought I did have another man (but didn't). He told me I had every right to do it because he left me. I will admit I did it to see what it felt like. I didn't do it to start a new relationship, or to hurt H. I did it to remember what it felt like to be "a woman" again. ANd honestly, this week, it saved my life. I talked to OM since. He was told the truth. He knows I want nothing right now, but I know he is there if I need him for anything, emotional , or otherwise. I am doing good at staying away per all your wonderful suggestions on the site. Its not hard so far, mine may have been one night. I guess time will tell. Yes, I probably will want to take it back one day. (I dread that day). <P>Keridwen - I agree with you as well on what you said. I kind of think it shows some remorse. <P>Is that good? Is that bad? Who knows. I just got another email from him "about kids" but it said "I know you don't want to talk to me but...". His tone is different today than earlier in the week. Possibly the lawyer told him something, who knows. One can only guess, but keep up the interpretations coming friends!<BR>

is anyone out here tonite?? I'm here!

Oh lonelymom, I definetly undersatand why it happened. I hope you didn't think that I was trying to be rude. I had a one night stand too so I'm in no place to judge. I just didn't understand what you meant by 'fun'. Even though I don't remember the sex (highly intoxicated), I do remember being made to feel like I was special. Like a woman. I can see from your posts how much you love your H. It's so obvious. I only hope he realizes what he has before its too late. You are special and you are loved here. I'm in your corner 100%.<P>Praying for your family....<BR><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

lonelymom -- <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I will admit I did it to see what it felt like. I didn't do it to start a new relationship, or to hurt H.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>This is almost exactly the same words my W used to justify and explain her physical affair.<P>I have to tell you that it almost killed me. We are still trying to grow in our relationship. We are progressed a great deal since discovery about 14 months ago. <P>Yet, I will NEVER forget that this happened. I will have to carry this "statement" with me for the rest of my life.<P>I apologize for being blunt, but there is absolutely no justification for infidelity. Making excuses, simply further belittles the "offended" partner.<P>Please don't get me wrong. I am in no way taking your H's side when I say this. He too is just as guilty. What is it that they say? Two wrongs don't make a right?<P>Time to get off my soap box. Again please accept my apology.<P>God Bless

Empty shell,<P>I am sorry if my words struck a bad memory. My H has abandon me and our 3 kids on xmas day. He moved in with OW within a week. He is doing everything in his power to financially, mentally and physically destroy my life, as if what he did wasn't already bad enough. Please read my other postings to see what I mean.<P>I don't know the situation with your W, it sounds like you may have had an affair and then she did what I did.<P>I did do it to see what all the big deal was. And I have been the most faithful person in my life, I never cheated on anyone. And honestly, I don't feel I cheated this time because he left and told me I was free to do what I pleased. He gave me permission because he claims he is happy where he is. So maybe that's why I have no guilt just yet. Do you know if your W felt guilty? <P>Thanks for the reply but no one is replying to my original question as to what that email refers to?? <BR>

lonelymom -- <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>no one is replying to my original question as to what that email refers to??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I will come back to this, but first. . .<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>My H has abandon me and our 3 kids on xmas day.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>My story thankfully isn't that bad. My W left while I was at work one night (I was working the graveyard shift at the time). I came home to find my W, my D and all there belonging gone. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>He is doing everything in his power to financially, mentally and physically destroy my life<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Been there. Done that. My W filed a restraining order against me claiming that I had threatend to kill her, our D and every friend she had ever had. I was the husband who happened to own a couple guns at the time. I could not even get a lawyer to consider representing me in court. She then attempted to have me arrested a few months later. This because I called her at her request to talk about my visitation with our D.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>it sounds like you may have had an affair and then she did what I did.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Nope. Check out my profile or look up some of my first posts. I have never cheated on my W. Period.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I don't feel I cheated this time because he left and told me I was free to do what I pleased.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Are you still married? Have you gotten or filed for divorce? If not, then you cheated. This isn't a situation involving an "open" marriage.<P>Yes I am afraid that your words struck a very raw nerve. Again, I want to apologize for being so blunt, but there is no excuse for infidelity. If things are that bad in the marriage, then you should get out of the marriage before involving yourself with anyone else. Until such time comes as Divorce papers have been filed, if not signed, then you are still married.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>no one is replying to my original question as to what that email refers to??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You're right. I was so struck by the other comment that I did overlook you original question. For this I am sorry.<P>After rereading your original question, I will offer my opinion. If your still reading me that is. <P>From what I see, I would guess that your H is trying to play both sides so to speak. He comments that he is sorry for the pain he has caused. This may or may not be sincere feelings, but he did take the time to write it. Yet at the same time, this Email sounds to me like, at least an attempt to get into your friends good graces. Now, whether that is to get through to you, or to try and show his own "interest" in your friend . . . That is anybody guess. He wasn't too blantant in his advance toward her though.<P>The comment that you said your friend made concerning multiple phone calls however would make me think that this was more of an attempt to advance himself on your friend. With that in mind, his comments in the Email could be interpretted as an attack on you. In other words. I have tried to say I'm sorry, but she just doesn't care . . . blah, blah, blah"<P>I hope for your sake that this really is a good friend, and that she does not fall for your H's advances.<P>just my $0.02<P>God Bless<BR>