<P>Well,<P>Guess who called today after she got my single white rose?<P>You got it.<P>She said thanks, I really wasn't expecting that, I said your welcome, etc.<P>First conversation in 6 weeks!<P>She apoligized for not getting back to me in regards to going to counseling. She said she does not think it is something she could do right now. <P>But she did say that maybe should could write down what she felt a lot of our issues were and send to me. <P>One was angry outburts. I really never though these to be excessive, but we have two totally different frames of reference when it comes to this. I have just never been good at hiding my feelings. She is excellant at it. Sometimes my hurt feelings felt like angry outbursts to her. I said these were the type of communication issues we should have seen a counselor about.<P><BR>Anyway, we really did talk about what our problems were for the first time in three years! However, everything was still taken in the past tense. When we were together, etc. It seems that she is over me and has reached closure. <P>She basically feels that although we both made a lot of mistakes, and never really talked, (she never expressed her issues with me)things would probably not have been any different. I don't agree, and I thing it is easier to say that when you have an OM.<P>She feels that we never really were that close. She asked me if I ever tried to buy a card for her and had a hard time finding one that didn't seem to be too sappy, or seemed be too much.<P>I must honestly agree with her, that had happened to me. I think because we never really communicated, we never got to the "next" level in our relationship.<P>I told her what hurts is that I will never know if we could have worked things out, because even though we both have learned a lot, she will apply what she learns to OM. She said I can apply these things to the next women in my life.<P>I do feel better because of this conversation. It was great talking to her. But I have no idea where to go from here.<P>I am not sure if she is right about us never being close enough.<P>When we hung up she said, I'll talk to you later".<P>My choices are to use this converstaion in a postive sense and help myself with closure, or continue speaking with her with the hopes she may want to try again. <P>If I keep pushing to try again, I am afraid I will prolong my hurt. It really seems like she is movig on. It would also mean continuing on as friends for a while. Which may make us closer, but I fear we would be doing so for two different reasons, and eventually I would have to give up. I would not be able to stay friends with her even though she would like that. <P>So,what do you think? I really do feel better, but I think she feels that the rose was a peace offering to be friends, not a sign that I still love her.<P>I am pretty confused. <BR> <P>

Jersey Joe,<P>Only you can make the determination to continue trying or giving up. Noone else can do it for you. I wish you the best. If I were you, I would mull things over for a few days before coming to any definite decisions. I am a snap decision maker who bases everything totally on the emotions of the moment. I have had to learn to slow that down and let myself process things first. ((((hugs))))<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Jersey Joe, I agree, no one can tell you what to do and I think you pretty much can figure out that on your own. The point I was looking at was this, she said she learnt from this experience and is taking to her new relationship. It seems she never really worked things out...is that what she is taking with her? I would ask her in a non-lovebusting way if the two of you could pursue counselling if for nothing more than to work out the issue of not really working on your marriage. Then if she disagrees I would seek some help on my own. You need to have a thorough understanding of what went wrong to avoid it happening again. It really does take two to make a marriage work and if you don't understand where and when things went wrong it could happen again. I hope this helps some, God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

JJ<P>If the single white rose is her favorite, she may know what it truly meant and not the "peace offering". <P>I think you made progress today. I agree, take a few days to process all this. You probably are still confused from talking to her as well.<P>I agree, its hard to want to work on it with OM in the picture, that is the situation I am faced with too. It hurts, all you can do is be there when she is ready. I think you made a great start today.<P>Good for you!! <BR>

chick's<P>Thanks for the reply. Actually we are both seeing counselors seperatly, and I had asked her to go jointly, but as of now she is not willing to do so.<P>I am diffently at a cross-road, and I bet IO will go wher my heart leads (breaks)me to. I will diffently soul search on this for a while.

lonelymom,<P>Thanks for the reply,<P>I really felt alotbetter last nightand went out with a friend. But I have been crying ever since.<P>I don't know where theses conversations will take us, but I have a feeling Iam in for more hurt.<P>Unlike everyone else on the MB, we were never married, and I think she is ready to move on. <P>I just wish I could take this pain away. I am going to process this info for several days and see how I feel.<BR><P>------------------<BR>