I am at a lost. I found out 10 months ago that my wife of 17 years was in an affair with one of her fellow co-workers. After I found out, she said she ended it. I called her lover at work and he give the same story, that she told him that he didn't want to have anything to do with him. I haven't to date told his wife. I want to, but can't.<BR> They both continue to work together. They report to the same boss along with 4 other middle managers. They work on teams together. Neither was willing to move to another job. In fact, a week after I found out she went on a business trip with him. She said she couldn't get out of it. Anyway, the summer months were miserable and Christmas at our relatives was worst. We hardly talked during this time. I sent her emails and she never responded. I got a business trip scheduled to Europe and asked her to go (just the two of us). She said no. I even got the kids scheduled for Grandma's. We have two kids and her lover has none. He didn't want the lifestyle with kids. I went to counseling and made her appointments, but she never went. Right before Christmas, she broke down and cried one morning. She said she thought she was losing her mind and wanted to see a counselor. I made the appointments and we when together once and she went alone a few times. The last time we went together, she indicated that the affair did not end when she said it did. It continued, but that it was definitely over now. She wouldn't tell me how it ended or why? She also said that she felt guilty about not feeling guilty about the affair. She said she didn't want a divorce, she only wanted a "pretend" marriage for kids and relatives. I told her that I wanted a real marriage for us and the kids. She say she was unwilling to try for that. I keep hanging on expecting something else to happen, but she continues to work with him. We both have very good jobs, good enough that one could quit and we would still live comfortably. She indicated to the counselor that her career and kids were important to her. At her company, two people can't be married and both work there. One would have to quit, if they were to get married. I am at a lost of what to do next, except divorce. My love for her is fading fast. On another subject, for the past 6 years I have been the one who has gotten the kids up and ready for school. She left early so she could be home shortly after the kids got home from school. But I almost always got home before she did. I have played a very active role in the kids other activities (coach both their sports teams, taught sunday school, made all school funtions and parties, etc). I take them to 90% of their doctor visits, etc. I am at a lost of what to do next!
