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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 208
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 208 |
One thing that is so hard about this situation is what it had done to my self-esteem. If my H had just said that he loved someone else and wanted out, it would have been easier to take than all the blame he has smothered me with. My head says it's justification, but my heart is still crushed by it. On another level, I feel like he and the other woman have beaten me. But I keep thinking, if my self-esteem is low, imagine how worthless he must feel. He has destroyed a family and committed the ultimate betrayal. Even though they might not show it, do all betrayers feel like dirt?<BR>AD
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832 |
AD,<P>They will not win unless you let them take your SPIRIT! Don't let them!<P>Through all of this pain and hell you have endure, you have to really BELIEVE that you will at some point here find love and happiness again. Start within yourself first. It is so hard, because you have been hurt and crushed for sure. But, look inside -surrounding all that pain and hurt is love and you have to try to connect more with your own love. <P>Give yourself some time. You are still healing. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{AD}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Roll Me Away<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
AD:<P>It has been almost 8 months since discovery for me...<P>There is no doubt about the damage my W has caused me and the kids... complete devastation.<P>But... I do feel you are right... in time their sense of worth will plummet to incredible lows... they will feel like dirt... and worse...<P>It's just until that point comes... we feel worse.<P>Prayers to boost a sagging spirit... ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Jim
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 813
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 813 |
Hi Already Divorced,<P> Of course you feel like crap....everything has happened so fast and final for you....you never really had a chance. I am struggling with the self esteem issues myself and what helps is to read, read read, .....it will help you understand the dynamics and how much is NOT your fault. As said before, Private Lies is one of the best,read the part about divorce during a romantic affair ....what you are feeling is normal and it might help to know you WILL get better and the "great relationship" will fall apart.........Lu
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 813
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 813 |
Hi Already Divorced,<BR> <BR> The more I've thought about your post the madder I've gotten......do NOT allow your ex to use you as his personal "whipping boy".....there are so many of us who are going through this where our spouse's problems are caused by us(according to them)....we must stand up and say "grow up, take responsibility for your own problems "....Already Divorced , I feel for you and you have to step back and realize that he is trying desperately to justify his horrible actions by making you the cause.....don't allow him to do this.........Lu
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 208
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 208 |
Lu, <P>You are exactly right. My emotions are just on a roller coaster right now, and of course every chance he gets he points out all my faults to me. He had plenty too, but I didn't leave our marriage because of them. I have read "Private Lies" and it made me feel so much better. What you said about "Grow Up" rings true. Someone told me the other day that a MAN would not walk away from his wife and children. I guess we are dealing with some very immature people.<P>Thanks for your encouragement!<P>AD
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