I am interested in hearing from anyone that has gone through an "open marriage" experience. If you look at my profile you will see why I am interested.

Hi,<P>Can you define exactly what an open marriage experience is? Is it when you and wife are free to be with others but keep the marriage intact? Please let me know, because I am unfamiliar with this, thanks!

I am defining "open marriage" as: one or both parties in a marriage having an outside relationship and both parties know about it. In my case, my wife feels she is a bi-sexual and is having a relationship with another woman.

My first husband told me after we were married for about a year that he wanted an open marriage. I did alot of reading, and you could say we "tried" it for awhile, but I was very reluctant. In my experience, an open marriage does not lead to greater intimacy between two people. It does take the element of dishonesty out, which is better than lying, however, the root problems are never addressed. In my first husband's case, he was a sex addict and had slept with over 20 women during our marriage and apparently had no intention to stop, so his idea was basically to stop lying and try to have an open marriage rather than fix his problem. I decided I wasn't up for that and agreed when he finally asked for a divorce after he "fell in love" with one of his play-pals.<P>Long story short, an open marriage is a cop-out. Your wife was not honest with you or herself before she married you. In my opinion, she is asking to have her cake and eat it too. She wants the appearance of normalcy and support for her children, but wants the thrills of being with women. Now, if this is something you can live with, or even "enjoy", then ok. The fact that you are posting here shows that you are having reservations though. You decide what you can live with. I think it is also perfectly acceptable that you insist your wife honor your wedding vows, and that includes faithfulness (yes sex with other women counts as infidelity!). Then it will be up to her to decide what she wants more, a life with you and the kids, or a life with another woman. Actually, like in my case, if this open relationship continues, it may only be a matter of time before she finds a woman she likes more than you. Or you find someone you like better than her. Really, it is only trouble for a marriage. It is much better to work on your marriage or simply get a divorce. There is less confusion for the kids that way and they don't end up with some twisted view of marriage (i.e. lots of partner swapping going on).

<BR>jpstewart,<P>The classic book on open marriages was written by the O'Neills in 1973. They later divorced. There's some educational value in their experience.<P>The "success rate" of open marriages isn't really known, if only because properly conducted longitudnal studies are expensive, and open marriages are already rare to begin with. But marriage counselors agree that they never work in the long run. What usually happens is that even if you can keep jealousy in check, one of the partners winds up falling in love with someone outside the marriage. <P>My view of this is that your wife is having (or would like to have?) an affair on you. The bisexuality angle is a red herring: infidelity is infidelity. The sex of the OP isn't relevant, the breaking of the marriage vows is.<P>Bystander