Hi friends,<P>I will try to be quick because I just typed a whole message and it just got lost when I got kicked offline.<P>Last week H emailed my best friend and told her he was sorry for hurting me and the kids and hoped one day we'd understand. I asked for interpretations on that, but only got a few.<P>Well today I was online and he instant messaged me! I was so excited for a brief moment, because we used to meet online at that time everyday. Back when we were happily married. <P>So it started about the kids. He said our D had a ball at the mall with him shopping. I said "just like her mommy" but you dont' do that with me anymore. He asked that I please keep it on the kids. But he was nice about it ( I knew I made a guilt trip on him).<P>Then he told me he talked to my best friend last week. I told him that I don't discuss the emails with my best friend. He told me she informed him I had a Boyfriend. NO I DON"T< I TOLD HIM I HAVE A HUSBAND AND AM MARRIED. SHe stated in a rhetorical hypothetical kind of question and he doesn't understand that kind of language. I set the record straight.<P>He said that I told him that something happened that he would be mad at last week. I got out of that, changed subject.<P>He asked how the family was, mine and his (he has been disowned by all but his mom). I updated and told him my grandpa (who he loves a lot) is very sick and we may have seen his last xmas. He told me he was sorry and told me he wanted to know about any changes in his condition. This really shocked me.<P>He said he had to go and he wished me a happy valentines day. WHAT?? Where did that come from? THen I wished him one and said, look don't be mad but I did send you a card. He said, What, when? I told him he should have gotten it. He didn't, and I didn't get the one he sent to the girls either, so we figured, the blue mountain site must be jammed up right now. So maybe they will come later. Since neither one got it.<P>He quickly said he had to go and at least said bye. This was good because I know he meets OW at 3pm and he didn't mention that he just said he had to go. So at least he thought of me that time.<P>This has me thinking, why is he asking if I have a boyfriend, why did he ask about both our family, why did he wish me a happy valentines day, and why did he IM me in the first place? At "our time" like before. I did tell him it was a strange de ja vous feeling.<P>He was civil, friendly and sounded more like himself . I did notice on his email earlier he calls himself Robert now (thats what OW calls him) where I have called him Rob for years. Does that have any bearing? That he changed his name? <P>He even said I was his IM buddy.<P>I can't believe this, am I dreaming, after such a bad weekend, and I thought there was no hope. Is this a little glimmer of something to keep me hanging on, a sign of fate? I had deleted him off my IM and today added him back on. He had said he thought he had no longer had IM but opened it today and it was there. Who knows.<P>Just wanted to share my happy feeling for once around here. Share all thoughts, interpretations, and comments. <P>Why do I feel so happy about so little? I just don't understand. Wait til he sees my PLAN A card too. It basically tells him I love him and the door is still open.<P>Next update: He called to talk to girls after school asked if I would talk. I did. WEll I don't know what we talked about, all I know it was civil and friendly, oh he told me his car broke again. He accidentally said "love ya' on my voice mail on his last message I told him about that. He didn't even realize he did it. (this was a habit for 10 years). He asked what I was doing tonite , I said taking a bath. He also said I love you. Before he hung up the phone. I sat there in shock. Then the phone rang back.<P>It was him. He said I am sorry. I said for what. He said for saying that. I said why, he said because its not that i don't mean it, just didn't do it to hurt you. I said well thank you anyway, he appologized again. He said it was out of habit. I said, or those true feelings popping up that you try so hard to bury. Then i said "well I love you too" and I hung up the phone. That was it. I ended it good and he didn't call back. <P>So I guess today I can say I successfully did Plan A all day. (I also took ginseng, and st johns wort and I notice a difference). IS this the start to a new hope for me? Or could he be playing games? I don't think he is playing games, can he see that OW was trying to hurt me this weekend? And he didn't have the B*LLS to stand up to her? What good is that><P>Anyone out there, I am here, all day by myself, no one seems to be around. <p>[This message has been edited by lonelymom (edited February 14, 2000).]

LM,<P>I read your other post about no response here and I see you are being so kind to others.<P>I'll try.<P>You will drive yourself crazy if you try to analyze each and everything he does.<BR>He is very confused and saying funky, typical infidel things.<P>It is to your benefit that he chooses contact with you. Some choose to disappear without a word. You are very much on his mind.<P>If you want to be in Plan A then you did great in keeping your cool in this really crappy situation.<P>I doubt if this is Plan A or how I would handle it but, I have never liked when the infidels add to their fantasy "friendly conversation" with the betrayed spouse. It is some kind of distorted thinking that everything is basically okay, and you are accepting of the situation. Is he testing you to see if you're going to rip into him after his horrid behavior yesterday?<P>Maybe some betrayer here can speak to that mentality.<P>I note that with my H that he WANTED me to have a boyfriend. He wantd me to be as nasty as him in my actions. My shrink called it projecting.<P>Is it progress, I certainly don't know. It's at the very least contact initiated by him. You did well with your Plan A.<P>Leaving you & kids xmas day shows how deeply in your H was at that time. That is so cruel and I'm sorry things happened that way. <P>Take Care <BR>

Hi Lonelymom,<P>I'm late getting here, but wanted you to know that I read your post. I think it is best if you try not to analyze your H right now. Remember that, for now, he isn't in his right state of mind. He is immersed in an affair, and usually, that involves irrational thinking.<P>Please continue with a strong Plan A. I know you can do it!

Hi LM,<P>Don't try to make sense of everything he does or says. You will drive yourself crazy. Just be happy with the contact and take things with a grain of salt.<P>I also heard about getting a girlfriend. I believe that it lessens the amount of guilt that they feel for what they have done to us. "Hey you have a friend too." Know what I mean?<P>Holidays and weekends are historicly slow on the board.<P>Take care,<P>Tim

I think every one is right in saying don't<BR>read too much into it, but it's so hard not to.<P>We want so badly for them to come to their senses and come home and love only us that we look for any thing to grab<BR>onto. Even if it's just a word or look or action.<P><BR>In your case I hope he is coming to his senses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>You are a wonderful beautiful person and you don't deserve all that has been going on!<P>In spite all that, I hope you had a good V-Day. <BR>Great job on the no LB. Something I still have to work on. <P>------------------<BR>Peg<p>[This message has been edited by Peggy (edited February 15, 2000).]

Thank you to all who replied.<P>I know you are right, don't read into it too much. Its hard, its to hard to hear the "old H" the one I loved. <P>I think it is nice he asked about the family and all. I think if anything, I know he thought of me on valentine's day. It was rough, and last night was rough too. At least there are no holidays now til March when its his bday. That is when we will both be 27 for six months.<P>good day to you all