This is meant to be encouraging, not depressing. <P>Since so many seem to go into recovery and leave the forum, I wanted to come back and let you know that changes DO occur and Love can come back. For us it's happened so gradually that I didn't realize it till I looked at my old posts.<P>On Aug. 10 this year I was told "I've never loved you romantically and I may never. I want a divorce." My h. had been in an affair with a co-worker from Mar. '98 to early May '99. He confessed on August 18. He expected me to divorce him. We separated for three weeks. I cried and prayed and tried to find God's will. He asked for forgiveness.<P>In October, my posts were desperate cries for guidance. I wanted revenge, had the means to ruin OW's career and personal life (I still could).<P>Gradually I regained balance.<P>We started the Women's Bible study forum to pray for our husbands.<P>In November I told him I forgave him.<P>On Nov. 30 I prayed for affection to become the norm in our marriage.<P>I'm not sure when the changes began. I now get at least one kiss and hug every morning before my h. leaves for work (this is usually how I wake up, with him leaning over to give a kiss). Our physical relationship is better than it has ever been, and we actually TALK about it. We both touch each other in passing several times a day, and he uses 'terms of endearment' that I never thought I'd hear.<P>We go out OFTEN. I am now his choice for recreational time. <P>It is now rare for a trigger to ruin my mood or my day. It still hurts, but less and less.<P>But the best part, the thing I wanted to share most because you will all know why it is so precious, was his card to me yesterday.<P>a cupid on the front,<P>this message inside:<P>Happy Valentines Day <BR>to my heart's desire<P>I am in awe of the healing grace and miraculous power of God. <P>Please don't give up on your marriages, miracles can happen.<P>Only you can decide if you can or should stay and keep doing the hard work of 'Plan A' or 'Plan B' or 'Plan Z -- (your own variation).<P>But sometimes...the fog lifts and they actually remember that they loved you once and realize that they might lose something precious. I'd call THAT a miracle.<P><BR>liz\pearl<P><BR><P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Thanks for sharing your story. We all need to hear things like this. I hope to be able to write a similar one soon.

you're welcome. It is tempting to avoid coming back here because of all the pain and the memories of being where so many are still, but I remember that some kind people posted encouraging words to me. <P>Please remember to come back and post 'the good stuff' when you are in a better place. Your story may be different than mine, but by God's grace, you will heal and recover, too. Someone else will need to know that healing is possible. <P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Liz,<P>I can't think of anyone nicer for this to have happened to!!!!<P>Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work of rebuilding a better mousetrap!!!!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

RMA,<BR>so nice to hear from you. I've avoided posting anywhere but the Women's Bible study in deference to my sweetie's request for the return of some privacy (in addition to posting here, I had lots of friends plus both our families that I was updating on our relationship). <P>We have made such progress in so many ways...it is interesting that you mentioned building a better mousetrap...because we've realized through our counseling that there are lots of different ways to have a 'Good Marriage'. Our job is to decide what that looks like for us, not what others think it 'should' be. This is very freeing.<P>I can't say enough about the value of a good therapist...it is a pity they are so hard to find.<P>gotta go...blessings,<BR>lizzie\his pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Liz,<P>Thanks so much for taking the time to post and share your success story with us. I think the thing that struck me the most was your description of the progress as being GRADUAL. That is exactly what I am finding out. H is emerging from the fog, but very gradually.

hi sidney!<P>yes, GRADUAL! <P>I had thought there would be some sort of catharsis, a big "AHA, I have been a FOOL!" <P>Nope. just slow progress, the type you don't see if you compare day to day, only if you look over past WEEKS and MONTHS. <P>setbacks? yes. some incidental contact with OW in Dec. Nipped in the bud by removal of wedding rings and a clear "I will NOT tolerate this garbage!" <P>It has been slow progress, but a definite sense of moving closer together all the time. <P>I'm happy you are seeing some little steps too! Remember, when you add them all up you still get where you want to be...happy, peaceful, honest, warm...all that good stuff.<P>can't say enough about getting a good counselor, tho, even just for yourself.<P>I've got to stop posting...<P>love,<BR>liz<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>