The thing at church was confession.<P>When she got home the kids were in bed. She looked terrible( sad and gloomy).<P>She wont talk to me. She wouldnt even look at me. I hate to see her like this. It hurts me too. <P>I dont know what goes on in there, but it has to make you seewhat is going on. I did ask her if she wanted to talk about it. She said" no, you already know what is wrong."<P>If you have been following you know too that she has completely messed her self up mentaly.<P>I'm not sure what to do from this point. I feel helpless. I guess the guilt is to much for her. I told her that i will be here for her if she needs me. Is that all I can do? I tell her, but what else can I do?<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

hi brown, just be there for her, hold her, and reassure her while she heals. It's so hard to watch the pain.

brownphdt,<P>cl is right...<BR>a little unconditional love...<BR>adds alot to her <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>. <P>Jim

Brown, your doing fine. It's so difficult for the betrayers to get over the guilt and disgust they have with themselves. You can't do it for her, don't take this away from her, she will only resent you for it in the long run. Just be there......the best thing for you! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

It is so hard for both of you. We share the same pain. I love my wife very much and have forgiven her unconditionally. I know I very seldom said I LOVE YOU to her in the past, I just thought she knew. Now I can't tell her enough. When we are together I hold her whenever possible. I am not the only one hurting from her affair and she needs to know I care for her. You don't throw away a lifetime of memories on one mistake. Hug her everytime you possibly can.

Thanks for the replys,<P>Yall All say to hold and hug her. There is one problem. She will not let me hug her. She did the other night as I posted a few days ago. That was the first time since she told me about the abortion. I tell her I'm here for her, but she wont hardly say nohting to me, thats wht I feel helpless.<P>I'm going to go to church with her this weekend. She dont know this yet, but she made the comment the other night acfter I said I wanted to go" we are there every Sun. at 12:45am. So I think I will start going this sun.<P>I talked to her today, and told her how much my check was( very small sue to holidays)and that I would take waht I needed ang give the rest to her( was not enough to cover this weeks child support) She told me no. I said yes, and she asked why are you doing this. I replied I feel I need to. Then I told her to smile( I can tell when she is not smiling)She just made some kind of argh sound.<P>I dont really know what the point of all this is I lost my thoughts some were along the way<P>Sorry <P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

I would like to suggest you get a copy of a book, "Rebuilding Your Broken World" by Gordon MacDonald.<BR>The author is a pastor who had an affair. He deals with the aftermath of his world falling apart, especially along the themes of dealing with guilt, grief, forgiveness, and most importantly, restoration.<BR>You seem to be handling your w's affair much better than I did. I retaliated with one of my own (stupid!)<BR>This book, recommended by my pastor has helped us both deal with our own feelings of guilt, despondency, hurt, pain.<BR>It can be a real lifesaver. I hope you get it.<BR>Pilgrim

I could get it for me to read, but She will not read anything. I printed all of The Basic Concepts and she wont read it. She will not go to counciling either. She thinks she dont need it. My W is very HARD HEADED.<P>Thanks <P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

This is taking a long time - it's gonna take even longer, but you've been doing a great job.<P>Keep it up. that's all you can do. Be there, show her what you're made of and love her through it. She'll see it.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

brownphd -- I've been thinking about your W's reaction after her "confession" and a couple of possibilities come to mind. . . <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I guess the guilt is to much for her.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>This is probably a <B>VERY</B> accurate statement right now. She chose to go into the confessional, and probably for the very first time, admit to every thing she has done.<P>Think about this for a minute my friend. One of the most common threads with all betrayers is the lying and deciet. She has finally admitted to everything. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>She wont talk to me. She wouldnt even look at me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>To me, this is to be expected. Everything that she has denied, even to herself, has finally come out. Shame and fear describe her reactions very well. <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I told her that i will be here for her if she needs me. Is that all I can do? I tell her, but what else can I do?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You have already done all that you can for now. This is exactly what you should have done. Give her some time to come to terms with everything. Be there when she needs you.<P>I know it's hard to see her going through this, but you can not take her pain away. All you can do is love her and forgive. Everything else takes time.<P>God Bless<BR>

ES I 'm sending e-mail.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>