Hi Everyone,<P>I haven't been on the board for quite some time, but I really need some input on what to do here.<P>I am in Plan B (I didn't send the letter, because I'm not sure how I feel about getting back together- it's more of a try and survive Plan B). Anyway, my H is out of town on business (w/ OW I can assume). He has called 3 times, claiming to talk to our 2 yr old. Each time he has called, I have not been home and I have not called him back. Should I???<P>For the past 3 weeks, H has come for visitations and daughter has not gone w/ hime. She puts up such a fight that he can't even get her out the door. So, he hasn't spent any 'real' time w/ her since Christmas.<P>I don't know if this is some kind of indication of 'keeping' his foot in the door. I really don't know how to handle this.<P>I have contacted my atty (last week) and she is ready to get the final papers together. I have told her to proceed w/ the divorce- that I am ready.<P>I don't know, folks. Any advice?<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>Boy... it's been a while.<P>About your questions...<P>Hey... I'm the eternal optimist.<P>I still think a "real" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> is in order.<P>Write the letter...<BR>Send the letter...<BR>Give it a few more months...<BR>...and then if you feel it's over... divorce.<P>In the letter explain how <B>you'd</B> like to handle the telephone calls... and visitations...<BR>e.g.<BR>calls mondays/wednesdays/saturdays 7-8PM<BR>visitation ... with grandparents?... supervised? tuesdays 6-8PM (then eventually... when D is comfortable... unsupervised)<P>Just an idea.<P>It really is good to hear from you again.<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

Hi Jim,<P>Yes, it has been a while. I have been taking a break, trying to get my life in order. I'm not doing a very good job at it, but I am plugging away.<P>As far as the 'Real" Plan B, I just don't feel like writing him a letter, telling him again that he needs to get rid of her! I told him about 4 weeks ago (the weekend of the huge LB) that I can't be friends w/ him anymore until he can give her up. I told him it was way to painful. So, I guess he kind of knows.<P>As far as visitations go, my H won't even go to my parents ( he hates them, ya know) and we don't have any friends that we both feel comfortable with to use as a go-between.<P>I have tried to take her to his place, meet somewhere, have other people at the house when he comes; I've tried it all. She just won't go with him. It is very heartbreaking!<P>I don't know what to do. I honestly don't. I do think I am ready to get divorced. I am absolutely exhausted and am losing my feelins rapidly for him.<P>Thanks for checking in on me. How are you doing? Anything happening?<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>If you'd like...<BR>...I'd help you draft a letter...<BR>next week... I'm on my last business trip to Chicago... and will have spare time at night.<P>I think the old 'concept' of <B>closure</B> is what the Plan B letter can be taken as.<P>Since it is more of a love letter...<BR>...sounds like as if it goes against your idea of divorce...<BR>...it might be hard to write alone (for you)<P>But...<BR>If you verbalize it...on paper...<BR>it can give <B>you</B> the closure that you really need...<BR>...and it will make the process of the divorce so much easier.<P>Visitation will be rough in your case.<P>My W has finally seen her mother (over 4 months of no contact with her) last week... I (when I go to Plan B) now have a place to drop the kids off!<P>You do what you can. It sounds like a long time before your D will have this worked out.<P>As for me...<BR>No real news...<BR>Just waiting for 2/29/2000 for court's ESP review(mediation attempt)... and I fully expect my W to go back on everything we agreeed to back in August (The OM real wants <B>as much of MY money as possible</B>... that wonderful sponge.) I am fully anticipating her asking for custody, child support, alimony, 1/2 of everything else. Oh well... we'll see.<P>My prayers for you Cheryl...<BR>I feel your suffering.<P>Jim

Hey, I have nothing to offer except sympathy, both for you and for your D. I<BR>can only imagine how both of you are hurting.<P>A poor offering, but think of it as the best one person can do.<P>Take care.

For about 3 days now, I've have been looking at all the forums for your posts. <P>I'm glad you checked in.<P>I'm sorry things haven't changed. Emma, she continues to want you both together. <P>Keep us posted, okay?<P>tnt

Jim,<P>Thank you for the offer to help me with a letter. I will take that under advisement <BR>I am trying to live my life like he is not coming home (even though somewhere deep in my heart I hope he does)<BR>I am sorry for your pain too!! What a painful experience this is.<BR>Thank you for the prayers. You are in mine as well.<P>Hanora-<P>Thank you for your thoughts. Never think your words are a poor offering. Your thoughts are always welcome.<P>TnT-<P>I have e-mailed you, but I keep getting them back. Have you changed your address?<BR>I don't know what to do. E is so emotional around H that it is hard to know what to do. I want them to have a relationship, but part of me thinks that if he is moving out of state, why make the effort.<BR>So many questions, so little answers.<BR>We are doing fine over all. God is very good to us!<P>Thanks you guys. I miss it here. I will try and post more often.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Ceecee,<P>I like the idea of the plan B letter. I know you don't want to say in writing what you have also said verbally but maybe setting paramaters for communicating with him will make your life a little easier for you. At least this way you don't have to ponder his motives and your response.<P>It is so sad about your D. Have you asked her why she will not go with her Dad? This must be so hard for both of you. I will be thinking of you. Good luck.<P>Acacia<P>At least this way you will know what to expect

mncon99@yahoo.com<P>

hey girl,<P>good to see you back here....<P>We've missed you. <P>I'm so sorry it's like this for you and Emma - my heart breaks, for you both.<P>As far as the Plan B letter goes, I would go with NSR. He is so wise, and has so much to offer. Even if you don't end up actually sending it, you will have something in writing that you feel happy with, should the time come to ever send it.<P>As far as assuming that your H is with OW on the business trip, maybe it would be best for you to assume the worst. But, H told me that so often I made assumptions, and came to conclusions, that were just not right. He didn't bother to correct those assumptions and conclusions however, so who knows what is right or not !!!!!<P>My point is - assume the worst, and then when or if you find out that it's not the case, there will be 'some' peace of mind.<BR>I ALWAYS assumed H was with Kylie 'boil the rabbit' (not her real name !!!) but so often it turned out he wasn't - I didn't know it until much later of course...<P>As far as divorce goes, I am still heading down that track, Aug 15 is the earliest I can file. I feel quite at peace with that decision, as he has never, not once, mentioned reconciliation. However, as nothing is set in stone, I shall just play that revolting waiting game.<P>I'll email you tonight, (Fri here) Monique is spitting the dummy big time,. and Bridgit is outside riding her bike. I should be out there with her.<P>Take care my friend, and I'm constantly thinking of you. I really hope you find some peace, whichever and whereever it may be found.<P>Love and big hugs to you and Emma<P>Jo