FA --<P>Worried since I haven't heard anything from you lately. Is everything ok?<P>I'm gone for tonight. Tomorrow looks busy around here, but I'll try to check in.<P>--keystone

Back to top...<P>FA? You okay?<P>--keystone

Hey keystone,<P>I'm ok. I just have a minute, so I'll try and get a post to you either later or in the am and explain. <P>falsely accused

keystone,<P>Hey I'm here and ok, well sort of. Had a few things to work through the last couple of days. <P>The girls have been spending more time online so I have less, which is fine by me actually.<P>Ah! Computer gliches! Somehow D#2 deleted the sign-on screen for AOL5.0, so I had to do a lot of backing up and then uninstall it and reinstall it. Plus I was driving D#1 all around. That was Tues night<P>Wed night I spent having a real heart to heart with D#1. I can't believe all the work I have done with this child in building her self-esteem up and it gets totally blown away by one thing her father says to her(which is almost daily, so I guess thats the problem). This is the hardest thing for me to deal with at the moment. I will never understand fully why he is doing this to her. The only reason I can come up with is the fact that he was treated in this manner by his parents growing up. <P>Well this is making my day!!!! NOT! I just looked out my window and its snowing like crazy! I want spring real soon! LOL<P>Ok where was I. I had a really bad day on Tuesday, which was the last time I posted. V-day really hit me hard, with the lack of any real trying on H's part. I really pulled away from H after that. <P>Well, Tuesday night after I fixed the computer problems I think(actually know) I did something very foolish. I emailed my old HS friend. There I said it, boy that was hard. I guess thats one of the reasons I stayed away from the site. Can we say avoiding? I didn't want to lie about doing that. I know everyone here says "no contact" and I blew it big time. <P>Well, we have been in contact pretty much daily since only by emails and it has stayed on a friends level, I haven't mentioned anything about what is happening here. Just basic everyday "how ya doing" type stuff and about the kids. <P>I know I mentioned about the letter I got from my best girlfriend telling me to stop shutting everyone out of my life(I confide in her a lot and she knows everything thats going on). <P>Well, I have found out lately(happened to stumble upon it actually) that my H has been IM-ing her when hes online. I asked her about it and she said she hasn't said anything to him that she just listens to what he has to say. Talk about feeling hurt! Last night again I happened to walk into the room to get changed and he was on with her again. This is really hard for me being I have a hard time trusting people. I haven't really spoken to her in 3 days now.<P>I'm starting to feel like I have no one to talk to now. Probably one of the reasons I emailed old HS friend. <P>I guess H sensed something was up with me because Tues night when I came out of the bathroom after changing, H was in bed already, he didn't have his back towards my side of the bed. I felt very uncomfortable getting in bed that night. I didn't want him near me or to touch me. H doesn't understand how hurt I was on V-day. <P>It's like he thinks ok its over and done with now I want!! Well, sorry to say it might be over and done with but I still hurt from it.<P>Last night I just tried to avoid him as much as possible. All of a sudden he thinks because one night of coming home in a decent mood is going to make a difference! <P>I'm trying real hard to get the me back that I liked. It just seems whenever I feel good about myself, H accuses me of something else. Whenever I feel lousy H feels great. Does this make any sense?? H seems to thrive on the fact that I feel lousy. You would think he would like me to be happy.<P>Well, needless to say H and I have barely said two words to each other over the last couple of days. The resentment is building even more. <P>So, thats the story from this end.<P>I read your post about you and your W on V-day, and I think its such a positive thing thats is going on there. Keep up the good work! <P>The one thing I would like to say to you though is..... I happened to go into the snoopers thread and say what you had posted. DON'T blow all the good that you are doing. If she finds out that you are snooping it will blow everything up right in your face. <P>I have a habit of checking my computer even before I sign-on. If your W is smart enough she will be doing this too. <P>It all comes down to trust! If you don't trust her then I don't see that positive stuff staying around too long. Just my thoughts! <P>I don't know how much I will be able to post in the coming week, my girls have the whole week off for Presidents Week(our school system is the only one, I think, in the state that does this!). I'll try and check back as much as I can.<P>I'll try and check back later.<P>Have a good day & weekend. <P>falsely accused<BR>

FA --<P>Sorry, but it's been real hectic here. With the Monday holiday, everything is kinda "hitting the fan".<P>First, I agree with your assesment on the "snooping". Curiosity will always be there, and I know that she has not one hundred percent commited to rebuilding -- yet. I'll take your advice and hold back.<P>Regarding your contact with the old HS friend:<P>I'm sorry to hear it, but I do understand what's driving that decision. It may be time for a "sh*t or get off the pot" type of speech with your H since he doesn't seem to get it. It may also be time to check in with a counselor -- maybe if even for yourself.<P>Really tragic about your friend and your H communicating. Particularly since she knows so much about your problems. I guess confronting your H about it would be a big LB. Do you think she has the interests of both of you in mind? <P>My W had been talking to the Om about our problems, as well as problems between Om and his W. To me, our business is not theres, and vice versa. MOTC (My own 2 cents), not a scientific formula. It leaves open the door to discuss intimate details that are nobody else's business. I can understand why you aren't talking to her.<P>Don't forget, though, to apply that same thought to your communications with your hs friend. Maybe you want to keep the marriage problems out of topic. You may regret it if you cross over that line, since you cannot go back.<P>No snow out here in California, just rain. Maybe since it's snowing there, go out and enjoy it. Go sled, build a snowman (with your D's), have a snowball fight. Please, get out and do something and do it with your d's since you need each other! Protect yourself and there interests first and foremost. Only then might your H come around -- again, MOTC.<P>I'll be away until Tues. I'll check back then. Please hang tough, try to think positive, and get out of the house and do something for yourself.<P>Chin up!<P>--keystone