Haven't posted here often. Have answered a few...but have read alot...<P>I am in need of some advice. H and I have been seperated for a year now. No divorce in process or even being considered. We see each other often. Do things together. Seem to be friends again after several years of just existing while living together. Our problems didn't start with "the computer" but certainly were multiplied by it. The internet became a big part of his life. And as alot of you know escalated into chat rooms, private email, cell phones, and then full blown affairs. He is not able to work because of health reasons, so he has plenty of time while I'm at work all day to have a "second life".<P>He would be willing at this point to come home and try again. Like I said we do well when we're together and have worked through some things. Right now he has the best of both worlds. He can see me when he wants, and "play" on the computer when we're not together. As for him coming home I can't imagine having a computer in my house again and watching him on it and not knowing what he's doing.<P>So, my question. How do I trust him? I believe God can change his heart and am praying for that. And most of the time I tell myself to just wait and let God "have it". But "I" need to deal with this "computer thing"....<P>Any help would be appreciated...<P>dls

You CAN trust him again. You can do it. It will take a lot of love, patience and hard work, but it can happen. <P>Will he consider giving up the computer as a step towards proving to you he will be committed, sounds silly, but if thats his means of getting an affair, it could be similar to Harley's no contact rule. Get him a video game instead. Or make him stuff envelopes while he is sitting there to earn money. Just because he is out of work doesn't mean he has to live on that computer.<P>You can do it. You have been through FAR worse, I am sure, and for you two to be at this point, you CAN do it. Good luck. Follow the principles in the program and have him as well. Will he read the Harley books/? Let us know.

I recommend a site "netaddiction.com", sorry I don't know how to do that little trick where you can just click on it. There is a fair amount of information there and a download (for about $10) on how to rebuild your relationship after a cyberaffair.<P>I found it useful. I know what you have gone through, it's really tough when your husband of decades prefers the company of a computer screen.<P>There are other possibilities to monitor computer usage if he really wants to give it up, it is an addiction.<P>Best of luck to you.