How long on average does it take for the betrayer to finally hit reality? I've only been going through this since August 1999, but it seems like an eternity. Our final hearing is set for April, and I am starting to think my H will never come around. <P>Tulip

Hey, hang in there.<P>I have heard that it takes awhile for most. Most of the time they have to hit rock bottom and then they realize what they lost. If this is any encouragement, I have talked to like 5 divorced friends I know and all of their ex H wanted to come back to them in time. Some a year, some a little longer. Once they start paying child support ect it really finally hits them.<P>My H is home for now, we have a divorce on hold. We will see. He is still in neverland. It is like we have to win them back. They feel they had the right to betray us. That we drove them to it. We must be in competion with the OW. We must make ourself to be the better choice.<P>It does sound unfair, but that is how I believe that it is. They think that they have this perfect little relationship. So why would they want to come back to real life if it did not seem like it would good thing for them to do.<P>Stay in plan A. keep smiling, look great, do unexpected things for him. Remember when you were dating, do those little sentimental things you used to do. This does not mean he will do them back. But my H has every card I have put in his car as a surprise still in his car.<P>Hope this helps!