People always say that the success stories and positive posts are hard to find. Well, is it any wonder? I know that there needs to be a place where those of you who are in the abyss need to post, but what about those of us who are doing well or who want to share with others who are doing well? I understand why those of us who need to stay on the positive track can no longer post here. This forum is not for us, and there's nowhere else for us to post either on the marriagebuilders site. Even though we're in recovery and have successfully rebuilt our marriages, we still have been affected by infidelity and are tied together with others who have. But it's counterproductive to keep dwelling on the negative over and over. We need a place to share too.<P>Sorry, but I felt I needed to say this. I hope Steve or Tempest see this and take note. Or maybe some of the rest of you who feel this way will speak up too. Thanks for your time.

Well, lark, I'm sure there's a number of people on this forum that would give their left arm (unless they're left handed) to post something POSITIVE in their lives right now.<P>Unfortunately the bulk of us are IN PAIN.<P>Positives in my life .... <P>1. My daughters are beautiful and healthy<BR>2. I'm healthy (well except for this darned depression thing)<BR>3. Great House<BR>4. A car that runs<BR>5. Food on the table<BR>6. Clothes (altho they're not designer, much to the dismay of my eldest)<BR>7. Anti-dep drugs (altho I need to be changed and stepped up to abou 2000 mgs an hour)<BR>8. And more importantly, a Savior that died for ME ... and loves me no matter what.<P>There ya go.

I think some of us who are doing well are hesitant to post, not wanting to "rub salt in the wound." I know I have been. Note that I haven't posted much about myself of late; I just respond to other threads.<P>What about those of you still in crisis. Do you WANT to hear from those doing well?

Hi Lark,<P>I think it would also be a good idea for the successful folks to be able to post in their own forum. Not sure how many would actually come back to do so. My reasons are below.<P>It seems to me that some who have "moved on" do not wish to come back to the infidelity forum because it brings back bad memories. I can certainly respect that. Don't want to put a monkey wrench in the works. They have enough work to do rather that stop by and post.<P>Second, It may affect some members if "others" are posting how wonderful the relationship is going now. Why can't it happen to me. It might do more damage than good.<P>If there was a separate forum we could stop by and visit when we need a good shot of uplifting news.<P>Just my thoughts and I have been out in the rain too long and am warped.<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

Maya,<P>I didn't mean to upset you. That was not my intention at all. I do think that you've missed my point. I wasn't saying that people in pain should be posting positive stuff. What I meant was that those of us who are FEELING GOOD don't feel comfortable posting on the same forum with those of you who are in so much pain. Like D&C says, we feel like we're rubbing salt into wounds. Not only that, the positive posts get buried and don't receive nearly the response the others do. For instance, the thread regarding you and your depression got over 100 responses. Positive posts are lucky to get a dozen responses.<P>I'm not trying to deny anyone anything. I think the help that those in pain receive here is a good thing. But what about the rest of us? Don't we deserve a place to share too? I know that even though I'm doing well, I still like to feel like I have others in my same boat to share with.<P>Medic,<P>I agree with you. There should be a separate forum. Maybe one called "After Infidelity" or something like that. And that's what I'm saying. There's nowhere for us who have moved on from the initial ugliness and confusion to post comfortably. People who've moved on probably will not come back, but that's why we should already have a forum in place for those who are here now to move on to. JMHO. thanks for listening.<p>[This message has been edited by lark (edited December 01, 1999).]

I agree that the general tone of things should be positive. However, as said in an earlier post, many of us are in pain. Sometimes we need a place to vent, or to sound out our thoughts. Remember that one of Harley's key principals is LoveBusting. You can do things, say things, express things in this forum that would ordinarily be considered LB's if said to your spouse. <P>This forum gives many of us piece of mind -- in good times and not so good times. It isn't always going to be positive, but I agree that it doesn't always have to be negative, either.<P>-- keystone<P>P.S. Remember that you found this sight when in a less than positivestate of mind -- your marraige was experiencing problems. Different people rebuild and/or recover at a different rate. Honor that difference.<P>P.S.S. Positive stories ARE GREAT. They give hope to those among us on the "slow boat" to recovery. For some of us in the doldrums, we need the hope from role models that have been successful!<P>--ks<p>[This message has been edited by keystone (edited December 01, 1999).]

I for one love hearing about the success and triumph's of others on the board. It gives me hope! If they do start a new forum I would love to read how well others are doing. I haven't posted in awhile....just lurking because I don't want to bring the board down. One of these days I'll have some good news and I will be happy to post it here or on another board for success stories!

I think Big Dogs Wife is correct. Even though we may not have any positives to post, it is great to hear of others successes. Also, it's encouraging to hear from actual people that it can work aapart from reading it in a book. Sure it's sometimes painful to read when the spouse returns to the marriage but at the same time it's great news! And I think we all could use that from time to time. Stick it in a different forum & I believe that forum would turn into people asking how they did it. Sorta like this one is.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Well, here goes. So much has happened to my wife and me in the last 4 weeks. Thank God for this forum. Even though she hasn't posted yet she reads posts with me and my replies to other posts. We are very lucky that in this short time we have been able to put things in a prosepctive that has enabled us to talk things through and begin working on rebuilding our marriage. It hurts to see so many people in pain. A pain that we both have endured and are still trying to cope with. I am a firm believer that we must build on the positive things that are affecting our relationship and try to discard the negative ones (or at least not dwell on them). As I follow your stories I try to respond to those posts that experience a positive day or even the smallest of things that we find good or pleasant about our spouse. It hurts me deeply everytime a thought comes to mind about her affair. Rather than ignore it I try to tell her about it and ask her to try and help me make it through what I am feeling with something good about us. I don't want to ever post a negative experience here again. I will always think this board has been a positive experience for both of us. I don't mind posting my good feelings here. I think we all need to know we have a chance to make something very good out of something that has been so horrible. As I've told my wife since this has happened to us (our children don't have a clue what is going on....they only see the love we share for each other now, not the pain) we must find a way to help them be better prepared make the right choice in their lives when something like this has a chance to ruin their relationships. <P>"It's the little things that mean so much".

hi lark, pov understood. I agree with others who feel that the success stories should be mixed in with the troubles. In the past I have been hesitant to post great things for fear of sending someone into a rut again. The double edged sword. And there are times when this place gives me the worst vibes! It actually troubles my mind for hours. But it is important for me to read some of the less than pleasant posts....it reminds me of where I have been, what I have learned, it brings out a compassionate part of me that is sometimes hard to find. There are days when I just read the topic lines and only enter those that appear upbeat. Like this one?! Another topic area would be nice so we ccan pose questions to each other that are more specific...sometimes the answers are here but I don't spend enought ime looking for them! Either way, I would still come to this site to see my old friends-the ones that helped me out of the ditch when I could not get a foot hold!<BR>btw-where is drained?

Lark, you didn't upset me. Honest. I'm just telling you that there are many that HOPE to someday post some positives!<P>Take care.

Keytone,<P>Like I already said to Maya, I UNDERSTAND that many of us are in pain, confusion and having a hard time right now. I'm not trying to deny that. And you're right, you all should have a comfortable place to post, and I think that's what you have right here. Yes, when I came here I was also in a bad place, but I'm not anymore. So, where should I post? Where should I go? That's my question. Many of us could benefit for an alternate place to post. We're still connected by infidelity, but we've moved onto the next dimension of it. <P>I would like to stay connected to Marriagebuilders because it has helped me and my marriage so much. But I just feel like there's no place left here for me, and others in the same place as me. There's a reason why people who are successfully rebuilding do not post here. Maybe it's time that was addressed.