well i thought after 17yrs of marriage we could work this out but he is leaving this weekend. this past year has been pure h****. it has been a year since the affair and he says he feels nothing for me but still cares for her.. from what i know it has been over for about 6mons but now i am not so sure..one lie after another...i should be relieved he is finally going but i hurt so much. he wants no counseling and just can't get the feelings back for me.....yea right...when he walks out that door i will be a basket case... but i will survive....by the way his apt is in the same town ow lives in.( the one we used to live in) thanks for letting me vent....broknhart

You will survive!! and I will not lie to you. It<BR>will hurt like none other hurt you have ever<BR>felt. A really good friend of mine sent me <BR>this quotation yesterday and it really does<BR>sound like my H. <P> "A proud man is always looking down <BR> on things and people. And, of course, <BR> as long as you are looking down, you<BR> cannot see something that is above <BR> you."<P>We are above them... just remember that.

Have you been here before <B>broknhart</B>?... (story and name sounds familiar)... member since 8/18?... this isn't really your first post is it?<P>If you <B>haven't</B> been here before... here is my normal welcome wagon post..<P>-------------------------------------<P>Welcome <B>broknhart</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! My W too has left me (a little more than 3 months ago) and yes... it still hurts. Yes the lies still continue... and yes... she says she still hates me... and yes... she hates counseling too!<P>more on welcoming... <P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around. I happen to have a relatively current post on non-Harley recommended books... see <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010158.html" TARGET=_blank>Books... books... books... (again)</A>.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>Your probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 01, 1999).]

yes i have posted before i think in may sometime. but now i really need support from ones that have been through this crisis. i have totally been a hermit and have no friends other than the friends we have had as a couple. that includes posting also. just avoiding everyone, everything...yes i have the book suriviving the affair.... i read it last yr. i think i need to read it again... i am such a wreck right now i don't know which way is up. he has been talking about leaving for a yr now and i am hoping he would but now i want him to stay..i really feel he has been in contact with ow..he was in big time withdrawl all summer and then he cried said he was sorry and all that crap and then he treats me nice one day and the next day he won't speak to me. big time depression also. but the last few weeks he has been really hurtful to me....

Hi Broknhrt,<BR> <BR> I would bet my house that YES, he has been involved with the OW for this last year and you have not had a chance....if you still love him get Surviving an Affair by Harley and go to Plan B NOW...do not initiate divorce , let him go and have all of his needs met by the OW....he has had you and her both this year ....hang in there , there is still hope.........Lu

lu;<BR>yes i have to agree with you.i went to my counselor this morning and told her h was leaving and she said if he decides not to then what are you going to do. you can't continue to live in limbo for much longer, it is obvious he wants out and wants nothing to do with working out this marriage. this hurts so much why can't this be easy.. the ow is married and has 6 kids..her h knows about the affair and tolerates anything she does to him as long as she doesn't leave him. (big time businessman in a little town)and i don't want to be like him.half of the town knows about the affair,,and my h is moving to that town.... no conscious....................

I don't think the hurt will ever go away. Some days it just doesn't hurt as badly as the day before. Hang in there and come to the forum to vent your hurt and anger. It really does help.

Hi,<P>I have let my husband go, to be with OW.<BR>It sometimes hurts like hell, but most of the time I have no feelings at all, anymore, where he is concerned.<P>Sorry I have no wonderful words of wisdom, but I share your questions.<P>A big hug for you, and try and keep your chin up. It's so hard, I know, we all know, but we have to keep keeping on.<P>Let him go. We have no control over the situation any more - it is what they want at this point in time.<P>Start protecting you, your emotional self, and start doing something. I gave myself something to look forward to every day - even if it was just having a coffee at our local shopping centre (mall to you guys!!)<P>It got me out of the house, amongst people, and made me put a little makeup on. It did make me feel a 'tiny' bit better. The last thing I wanted was to be around people, but it does help.<P>Our little worlds stop, but that big huge world out there - doesn't. We need to stay on the treadmill of life - and keep ourselves sane (or semblance thereof).<P>I'm thinking of you<P>Jo