I want to give an update for those old timers that have followed my story, and offer some hope to everyone here. I have been through the whole process.. It was Thanksgiving of 1999 that my husbands affair started. I have been in plan A, plan B, have seen withdrawal of my h's at its worst, seen my h move in with ow and sign a lease to an appt.. We also discussed divorce a money settlement and who gets what furniture.... I am here to say that there is hope for everyone... Because we are making it, and I honestly never believed it could happen...<BR>In short for those who do not know my story. My h had the worse kind of affair,, the romantic one,, yes, in love with ow etc, said he loved me but wasnt in love etc. My h's affair started 11/98. I discovered it 3/99 (pre harley) 3 weeks after discovery I kicked him out because I found out he was with ow again. I planned to divorce him. He moved in with and signed a lease on apt with ow (I didnt know it but found out later). About a week or 2 after he was out of the house, he began calling me on my pager and he would cry and say he knew he screwed up.. He would leave me notes at the house when he came to pick up bills and tell me he still loved me.. I really didnt respond much to him.. I was confused.... <BR>THEN, I did the best thing I could have ever done... I picked up a copy of Surviving an Affair, and found this website... For the first time, I actually understood some things, and had hope.... Since it was very difficult for me to see or talk with my h because he was living with ow (it hurt too much),, I wrote him a plan B letter.. I also changed my pager number so he couldnt leave me messages crying (those killed me). After 2 months of him being out of the house and me really not contacting him (unknowingly plan B), and 3 weeks in a strict plan B.. My H wrote me a letter and told me he wanted me back and he was serious... I still was gun shy at taking him back and didnt respond to his note.. That really freaked him out and he wrote me another...<BR>I paged h and told him to call me if and only if he was serious about cutting off his contact with ow and working hard on our marriage.<BR>I got the phone call I was hoping for. We met that night and my H was telling me all sorts of stuff.. He wanted to go to a church retreat, he would go to counseling, he owed me his life, he will always remember that I had stuck by my side.....I thought to myself,, Oh my God,,, its a miracle ... hes cured, he is over her,, he knew he screwed up and life is good... He told me he would break the lease with ow, and on our wedding anniversary, (June 8th), he moved home while I was in Chicago on business..<P>I was so happy! I posted here and said,,Its a miracle he is home... And I thought all would be good. Well,,,,,I found out,, it takes time,,, and these types of affairs take time to end and they need to run their course. Easy for me to type here and tell you...Difficult to live.. I mean DIFFICULT... <BR>I posted here quite often back then trying to help others, when my situation unknowingly wasnt over with. Everything was going good, and then in August I found evidence he had seen he again.. DEVISTATION, pain and everything all over again. I thought we were making progress, I had so much hope... I would give my h reading material, he posted here once, I tried everything.. My h cried to me and held me and while he was crying he said he needed someone to help him,, he was desperate. He didnt want to live the life he was living, but couldnt stop. He did not want to lose his wife, his home, his family, his respect, his friends.....BUT HE COULDNT STOP!!!! And it was the saddest thing to see. I watched the person I loved the most in my life cry and cry and try everything to quit seeing ow, but he couldnt stop,, and there was nothing I could do.. I tried everything...<P>We went on vacation and had a good time. When we got back, I started to see for the first time in a YEAR, small little signs of my old h.. He would call me honey, or give me a hug.. Something that little was progress, as I had got absolutely nothing back from him for 1 year. H even told me that he was finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.....and he knew his future was with me!!!! I started to get hopeful again..<BR>THEN......Another bomb......My h came home and told me OW had just bought a house around the corner from us on purpose!! I was sick.. I mean, I almost got physically sick... We decided to try to stay here to see how it would go. (We just built our brand new dream home, and it isnt financially conducive to move right away)..Plus this is the area we always wanted to live in.<P>So we tried.. H went about a good 3 weeks, then Whammo... Evidence he had seen her again.. I was crushed.. I cried... Then he went about another 3 weeks,,,,then whammo.. Again,,, I caught him....... For me,,, this was getting near then end for me.. I was trying plan A approach, and was seriously considering plan B.. But I met Kat1 from this site and began writing her private email.. She helped me with patience, and many of you on here helped me a lot. I do not post a lot, but I read every day..<P>I am now here to say that I think my H is almost through this... We are selling our home now and moving away from ow (1/2 hr.). From what I have heard H and the ow about have finally realized the relationship would never amount to anything. Ow now is dating, and h seems to be the best he has ever been.. <P>He talks to me.. He kisses me, he tells me he loves me,, Our christmas was awesome.. He got me special things like he always used to.. and treated me like a queeen..<P>I think ow true colors started to show also..<BR>It just takes time.. And you will need the patience or it may not work..I can say now that I believe we are finally into recovery, and we will beat this thing.. We are gonna make it.<P>This post is for all of you that never could believe that you spouse could come around.. Mine did,,, full circle,,, and I was just like you... I thought, awe,, that just happens to the lucky ones... Well that isnt so.. That happens to the people that educate themselves on this.... I would never have understood this without reading, and I would never have had the patience without this site, and without people that have never been there.. My h said the same.. H didnt want to talk with a counselor.. H needed to talk to people like freedom and airheart who knows exactly how he feels and have been there.<P>I have some thank yous... First of all, I thank God.. I prayed daily and he has helped guide me through this ordeal no matter how it was going to turn out..<P>My heartfelt thanks to Kat1, Freedom, Airheart!!!!!! You guys will never know the good you have done and the lives you have touched by helping me and my husband... You all took the extra time to help us on the side, and we will never forget it... We still need ya,, but we wanted to thank you!!<P>There are many others on this site that have helped, some oldtimers, some new. Chris,, HG Brawner, Samantha, Bev1234, and many others I am forgetting..<P>You can do it if I did.. The ordeal lasted over a year... Sometimes it will feel as though you have to swallow your pride and it will really bother you,, but it is worth it..<P>Take care to everyone, Good luck and God Bless!!<P><BR>IP: Logged<P><BR>[This message has been edited by mickey65 (edited February 20, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by mickey65 (edited February 20, 2000).]

I copied and pasted this and my Private Lies post from the read only posts for the new comers. The replies are still under the read only posts.<P>I wanted to let everyone know that I still come back here a lot, but I mainly just read and throw out an occasional reply.<P>Lately there has been so many sad posts, I wanted to let everyone know that there is hope even at the worst of circumstances.<P>My H and I are doing really well!! I cant believe how good we are doing and we are both happy! It can happen folks,, it takes time.. <P>We are selling our home this spring and have began looking at new house plans to build a new one, so we dont have to live by the ow..<P>There is hope!! Please believe me,, I never thought we would be where we are at now...<P>

Mickey<BR>I'm so glad you posted this.<BR>It is so wonderful to hear that things are going well. <P>You don't know how bad I needed to read this tonight.<P>You are a rock! May the sun only get brighter for you!<P>The one thing in your post that really hit home for me is that the OW is satrting to show her true colors. If your H can see that then you are really on your way. I pray for the day that my H can see her true colors. I don't know if that day will ever come.<BR>It is a big step. congratulations!!!!!

Thanks, Mickey, for taking the time to share your continuing success with us. I am so happy for you! I think my H is on his way back, too. He is calling me now, nearly every day. The last time he was up (about a week ago), he told me he boxed up all the stuff OW had given him, and gave it all back to her. He said he told her he wanted to distance himself. First, he said he was coming back in April, then he moved it up to March. I don't know where he is at as far as the withdrawal process. Nor, do I know if OW is staying away from him. I pray that I will have the strength to endure any setbacks he has. He is coming up here again on his days off to have some bloodwork done, at my request. I want him to have a male hormonal profile done as I seriously believe he is going through Male Menopause.<P>Again, thank you so much for sharing your story.

Hi mickey, great to hear from you. <P>I'm so glad things keep getting better. And you're right sometimes it seems quite difficult but most times it's worth.<BR>All that you need to remember now,- both of you - is that whatever we're doing now, is for life. Meeting needs, communicate, avoid love busters, none of that is just the fix for an affair, it's something we should keep doing - we should have been doing - troughout the marriage, no matter what outside pressure and stress we're getting.<BR>I know you guys will make it, and I do hope you will keep coming here every once in a while, helping others with your experience.<BR>Big Hug<BR>Kat<BR>P.S. keep in touch. <BR>

Wassi: Thanks for your response.. I dont exactly know what happend with h and ow for him to finally wake up,, it was a gradual process.. When she moved around the corner from us, I do think it was an eye opener, but it still took some time after that,, and once it finally clicked with him, there was no looking back,, Its so strange now.. I mean, my h is even a better husband than he was before this happend, and we have a better marriage.. My h even goes to church with me now and loves it...<P>Sid: Hey there! Glad to see that things are starting to turn around for you.. As Kat1 always told me,,, these things just take time to work themselves out, and you are seeing some positive signs that he wants the marriage,, that is the best step,, then, its a matter of time.. most cant break it off overnight,, its too hard,, the natural death thing is what happend in our circumstance.. As long as you are seeing progress,, thats great... My h also at one point got rid of some of the stuff ow gave him.. its still took some time after that, but it is a good sign.. Hang in there and keep us posted.. I still read a lot here, and like to hear from the ole timers....<P>Kat: I continue to be amazed at the progress we are making.. I wake up everyday and I thank God that things have turned around.. I appreciate my marriage more than I ever have.. I never want to lose sight of it.. You are right,, we need to continue to use the things we learned in this for the rest of our lives, not just to fix this.. Again,, thanks so much for all you did for me......